Nope, I don't like them.

Sigh. Why oh why do people have to assume we are all stupid and have not tried to get along with our skid or tried to see things from their point of view? I am here because I spent YEARS trying to bond with my ss. People who have great experiences with their stepfamily are not going to come to this site where stepparents vent so dont hold your breath on hearing any success stories

For the most part I like my stepkids. The almost 13-year-old really tries my patience but he is just being a preteen. I know it will get worse before it gets better as I have 2 BS age 22 and 21.

I also have another son age 10 and two more steps SS10 and SD8.

Me and DH moved in together in August and got married Valentine's Day.

We are blending pretty well and I know it will not be a picnic in the sun but in any relationship you have to work at it. My DH supports my decisions completely when it comes to discipline and BM does too for the most part.

So you are not alone.

I used to resent my SDs, too. However, I've come to realize that their behavior was a result of crappy parenting end sexual abuse going on at BMs that we didn't know about at the time. If I had been in their shoes, I would have acted out too.

I think so many or the kids we blog about are results of crappy parenting. I think that all of that resentment needs to be channeled away from the kids and towards DH. Once I did that, he started stepping up and parenting.

Well, it was easier being a SM in the early days when they were little and we all loved each other. My first 9 years of step-parenting was actually great fun since I don't have children of my own. But now??? Whew! The teen years are hell and I'm ready to walk out before I'm utterly destroyed - They keep telling us to make the marriage the first priority - it is absolutely impossible when you have a child dominant home with teens controlling BD or BM and the SM or SD is left in the outer fringes working endlessly to maintain their own sanity. I think we all need to write a satire on step-parenting and forget the experts - they know nothing!!!

P.S. To those SP who haven't reached the teen years - enjoy it as long as it lasts!

Layla21:
I AM someone who gets along with their stepkid, BM and SO. Of course there were issues in the beginning of the relationship with my FDH's daughter and how she acted towards me. But after talking about parenting styles, setting rules for OUR household and establishing some sort of relationship with my FSD things have gotten better. i am sure this summer when she's at our home for 2+ months, we might get tired of eachother, but thats natural for any family.
I do agree with you that some of the Step parents on this site are pretty bitter. Personally i could not be with someone who i did not like there child what so ever. to me a child is the product of their environment and parents. I really do not blame a child when they act badly, but of course i would repremand them for it too. Hating a child... is pretty lame in my book. but hey! who am i to judge how poeple live their lives and what they use to cope. maybe coming on this site and venting with others is what works for the SM's who can't bond with their skids.
i do agree establishing some kind of bond with Skids and doing fun things with them helps balance out the times you have to discepline. anywhooo , just wanted to let you know, you are not alone, their are other SM's on this site who don't hate their step kids

You're not alone. I love my BF's children.(19, 13,6 & 4) I treat them the way I expected my son's(19) stepmom to treat him- she was great. I came here because I hate one of the stepmoms, not to bash and belittle the kids.

In my experience SKids present different challenges at different stages and the way you feel about your SKids changes in light of that. It can be hard to like a stepchild (or even your own child!) when they are causing you a lot of stress and anxiety, and if you are in conflict with your partner about how to parent his children the resulting resentment can easily end up misdirected towards the child. Like gingerbread I have found adolescence and the teen years challenging.

You're in a positive period with your SD, and clearly have a constructive approach. There are people on this site who have experienced that and believed they have had a breakthrough only to find their hopes dashed. Anger often comes from hurt and frustration. Bringing up children requires huge patience and tolerance and energy and discipline and sometimes that can feel futile when it looks like you're not getting much back, whereas with your own children you do get the reward of unconditional love. One of my teenage SKids is currently causing me a huge amount of worry and stress and sometimes I want to rail and rant about the unfairness and focus on the negatives, it doesn't mean I don't care, and sometimes letting off steam allows me to recover my composure and continue my efforts.

I also think the question of whether you like your SKids is different to whether you care about them, and it's hard to know whether you like them as people until they are much older and their personality is more fully formed. I care about all my SKids (which I think is what you're really asking), but in all honesty I don't really like one of them as a person. She's just not my sort of person and I don't like some aspects of her personality. But I have worked really hard at my relationship with all my SKids and on the whole have a good relationship with them.

Don't love 'em, don't hate 'em. Don't feel much at all for them. I no longer have anything to do with them. They are lazy, have a sense of entitlement, and are pretty much useless to society.

I love my skids. They are cute and little though so who knows what the future will bring. I feel for people with teenage skids. I am afraid!

I love my resident Skids but of course they wear on me...but that's to be expected I guess. Maybe if I was their BM I would have more patience, but I'm NOT and I DON'T.

I love mine very much. My original issues thst brought me here almost 5years ago was dh's family and there relationship with bm. My 10 y/o ss can drive me nuts at times but for the most part he is a good kid. Funny thing is bs3 is so much like ss that ss13 and I give ss10 a hard time when he complains about little brother being his mini me.

I am fairly new here, but have wondered if most of the sp's really love the skids but step parenting is extremely difficult at times. I see many complaints on here targeting their stepkids.......but really the issue is the parents, the chaos that comes with visitation, with co parenting, in general the loss of the ability to make decisions in your own house.

As for me, I loved my skids, I still do just in a different way. I take a back seat to them while they are here. I support my husband, and instead of doing "parent" things for them, I do it thru DH....it makes him look good, and they don't have the loyalty issue of wanting to like the SM, but that would send the BM over the edge. This way they can hate me, because I don't do anything for them, am mean, etc.

I agree. A 3 year old, come on now. She barely has a personality at 3 . . of course she's wonderful and lovely and precious!

She's too young to play the games and other foolishness that many of us have been exposed to by older SDs. Come back to this site when she's of age . . still lives with you and: won't speak to you(I've experienced this too), invites company over but won't acknowlege your presence, won't buy you a birthday card, bothers your shit, steals your shit, makes a mess to get on your nerves, won't clean up behind herself, and anything else she can to intentionally annoy you. Come back to the site when she still lives at home at damn near 30 and expects everyone to kiss her ass and make a fuss over her. Come back and enlighten us on your bonding experiences. I'd love to hear them.

Yes, I like SD16, at least most of the time - she is of course 16. The teen years are not fun, but I don't expect better of my BS when he gets there. I am fortunate that DH backs me and we have a good relationship and don't have a lot of the problems I see here. My main frustration is BM and the crazy crap she does to and about SD. I so have to say DH looks better and better the more time I spend on here. I think seeing the difficulties others go through has helped me see some of his better qualities and improved our relationship.

My skids frustrate me often, and I will blog about it. But I do love them. I've known SD13 since she was 4. Our kids grew up together. I loved my skids before I loved or cared about DH, in fact, the kids are what brought us together.

They do get under my skin, but I feel horrible for the hell their mother put them through, and expect occasional emotional outbursts and the like. Having seen it all, their mother change from a good mom, to a monster, I think I am better able to handle things that I would not know how to handle had I not seen first hand what these kids have gone through.

this may sound strange i love my sd, i just dont like her as a person!!

Blah, blah, every week or so someone new comes along to 'enlighten' us? Then I guess we are all supposed to 'convince' a complete stranger that we will never see or know, that we are not horrible people, just so they won't think badly of us?

Please save it, glad you are happy, no need to berate others who have it worse than you, ya know? Its rude.

Sorry this is just the 9,999,999,999,999,999th blog like this I have seen in the I think going on 4 years I have been here. Some originality, please!

I love my stepkids. I've been their stepmother since they were 5 and 7. They chose to move in with us several years ago.

Having said, they drive me absolutely insane at least 75% of the time. I don't post very often anymore. But I do read. And it's nice to know that I'm not alone.

If there were a "mom-talk" Where "biological moms come to vent", I would probably be there as well. They all drive me nuts...bio and step. Every. Single. One of them. From my 8 year old all the way up to my 22 year old.

To the original poster...please...don't take offense but how can you give advice when you are only parenting a 3 year old? Do you know what some of us are going through or went through with our hellians? I had to take care of THREE of the most ungrateful children and they were FAR from being 3 years old. They weren't abused, they weren't neglected, they weren't being molested, they weren't being beaten. They are just nasty children. Wait until that cute little 3 year old turns into a teenager and you get "F YOU!" to your face. Or wait until they start stealing from you and lying. Wait until they get caught taking pics of themselves in their underware and bra and sending them to boys over their phone and getting caught "cybering" with some random stranger who is asking them (meaning my SD's) to show him their boobs and they are asking him to show his "dick" to them. Wait until you are the nanny, chef, taxi, maid. Wait until your DH or SO doesn't back you and thinks it's okay, or you are jumping to conclusions, or you just don't like them because they aren't your kids, or get over it, or just doesn't care period. Wait until it's thrown in your face that "you are NOTHING to these kids" and "You have no say." Yet when the BM needs a babysitter because even though it's on HER time, she wants to go out and she can't. Or BM tells asks if you can watch the little darling because she is sick and BM doesn't want to call off from work to care for her. Wait until BM tells you the day before that "Little Johnny needs X for school and it's due the very next day" and she BM "doesn't have any money" so you have to run out and get it in the middle of the night so the kids doesn't go without. Wait until she pulls that crap OVER AND OVER AND OVER again because she still gets a hefty amount of CS even though custody is 60/40 (and the 60 was my SO's responsiblity.

So, you know what...I will be flat out honest...HELL NO I DON'T LIKE THEM! I thank GOD I didn't marry their father because look what the crap I had to go through with just being the fiance. I am beyond glad I don't have to deal with the BM anymore. The only sad thing was that I did love my SO and it was HIS lack of parenting and HIS bratty daughters that caused me to move out and break things off. And NO I don't feel bad for him NEVER wanting to see his daughters again (because THEY chose now not to see their father because he now realizes there is a problem and he set ground rules and consequences.) They don't want rules and punishments so they REFUSE to go and see him (and they live a mile down the road.)

Damn....this was really good therapy for me. Thanks...had to vent.

My skids are good kids...for the most part. SD got herself in a mess in the past few years but...

I believe that these skids could have been even BETTER if EITHER parent was worth a shit! Parents needs to love their children more than they hate their ex. I don't think that fit either of their parents.

Poor skids. I've done what I can do...

this is what I'm afraid of.....All these stories. My stepdaughter went to live with her grandmother and she came over to visit for the first time in two months and she still treats me like crap....In my own house. I lost my own mother three years ago and it made me think.....Life is to be lived and why should I be looked at as an ogre in my own house when I have supported everyone for years??? Isn't my life worth something?. Isn't my happiness worth something?

I don't dislike my FSD...I feel the need to nurture her but I do not like the complete disrespect she has for people or property (hers or someone elses), her personality, self righteous attitude, or her jealousy of me.

I actually love my skids. They get on my nerves sometimes but all kids are like that. I have routine with them and my SO backs me all the time with punishments but I do always feel like im the one punishing instead of him. But that has nothing to do with the kids thats him being lazy.

I like my BFs kids, but I just struggle to understand my BFs daughter who is 17 which makes me more resentful to be around her.

I am on this site because I have frustrating days and good days. There are days when I just want to walk away and there are days that make me want to fight even harder! This site is so that people can vent and talk about their successes. And alot of times their successes also seem like failures because you move one step and then go three back. It isn't fair, but we all knew what we were getting ourselves into. It isn't about the BM or the DH or even us, it is about the kids. Trust me, I can't stand SD10 sometimes, however, I also love her. She wants to call me mom. She looks at me as the maternal figure. And in the beginning I did start to resent her. I talked with my DH on this matter several times, I went to a counselor, I took her to a counselor and then me and her went to one. I thought that there was a problem between me and her and turns out it is between her and her mother. And not all cases are like this and not all cases can you step back and try to go into reverse and go the opposite direction. It depends on the circumstances. Again, There are days, I want to walk away and days I want to fight harder.

Thanks for coming! Grab a party favor bag on your way out! Drive safe, ya hear! Buh-Bye now! Buh-bye.