Annoyed
Just a vent. Fiance asked me if it would be okay to switch weekends and get the kids this weekend instead of next since SD13 has a lot of stuff to do next weekend. I feel like he has to realize that with her getting older she won't always be able to stay with us the entire weekend we have her as school, sports and friends become more important. Why couldn't we have kept it the same and she just went to her activities and saw us a little bit less on her weekend with us? Is he going to swap weekends every time she'll be too busy for us? I am looking forward to her branching out and spending time with friends instead.
Also, at what age do kids stop wanting to spend Saturday night with their dad and hang out with friends? SD13 was in her room then came down at 9:30 asking her dad to watch TV with her. I don't like the shows they watch so i was annoyed. I feel like from 9 on it's not unreasonable to just want my living room with my fiance. He doesn't give a bedtime since she doesn't have to be anywhere the next day.
YSD16 does not really hang
YSD16 does not really hang out with friends. She'll skip weekends mostly for school events or other activities at BMs. DH doesn't ask for makeup time any longer. YSD pretty much dictates when she will be here. It started at age 15 with her.
Since no one informs me of her plans ahead of time I just ignore all of it and do my own thing.
Personally, I think that you
Personally, I think that you and your SO should have some private evening time. I would set up a 9:00 rule. I don't think that's terribly unreasonable for a 13 year old.
When I started dating my DH, my YSD had just turned 17 and she was living with my then BF full-time. She didn't seem to have any friends, but she did have a boyfriend who was allowed to stay overnight in the downstairs recreation room with her. DH was a Disney Dad when I met him and this was one of the symptoms of that.
But prior to my moving in, when he would come to my place to visit with me, she made a point of calling him on the phone to ask him to come home because she "missed him" and she was "lonely". He would leave my place to go home, only to find her watching TV in the basement with her boyfriend once he got there. So clearly she was not lonely at all. However, because the calls worked in getting him home, she continued to make them. I soon figured out that YSD calling my then boyfriend home, was really just her way of showing me who's in charge! So, after this happened about 3 times, I decided that I'd had enough.
I told my then BF (now DH) that we needed to stop seeing each other and that he needed to stay home with his daughter because clearly, she needed him more than I did. I basically broke up with him over our interrupted dates.
Two days later, he called me and said that he had a good talk with her about her making those calls, and that it wouldn't happen again. He was right. She stopped that nonsense, and she soon came to know who was REALLY in charge when I eventually moved in and I put a stop to her boyfriend's over night visits.
The Moral of the Story: Be sure that she is actually looking to spend time with your Fiance and not just looking to slide a wedge between you and him. If she senses that you don't enjoy watching what they like to watch together, it could also be signs of a "power struggle/control issue" meant to make you feel like the outsider. Maybe all of my struggles with my SDs have made me a little jaded, but I know that I was very naive when I started on this Step journey. I've come to learn that manipulation is a HUGE tactic that some Skids use, and it seems to start at a very young age.
I don't get how allowing your
I don't get how allowing your 17 year old's boyfriend to sleep over at the house is considered a disney Dad? If teens are going to have sex then there is nothing parents can do to stop that so you may as well be pragmatic about it and accept the situation - of course have boundaries in place about how often they can stay and how they behave when staying etc.
You better start thinking
If something happens to BM. Dieds , get a BF and leaves. You will have SD. 24/ 365 days a year. This is a red flag
Switching weekends is not
Switching weekends is not that uncommon when the parents can manage it equitably.. (one person doesn't always give up and never gets any back). I think the right thing to do is be flexible with your kids if possible. So, switching the occasional week should be "ok".
As far as a weekend night that she and her dad watched TV past 9? At her age.. with no school the next day.. I don't think there is any absolute expectation that he has to cut her off from contact at 9. But, if you need for him to set time at the end of the day for the two of you.. tell him that.. Ask that he reserve time from 9 or 10 on for just you.. 13 isn't a toddler.. so a super firm bedtime isn't really warranted on the weekend.. within reason.