Am I Wrong for Not Wanting to Share My Personal Items with Step-daughter?
For years my step-daughter, who is now 19, has been going into my things (drawers, bags, bathroom, whatever) a literally taking whatever she wants. This has caused tension in our house repeatedly because she apologizes, swears it won't happen again, but inevitably it does. The latest is my makeup and makeup brushes. She's been using them without asking (because she knows I don't want to share makeup and and makeup brushes with her). She actually broke my eyebrow brush.
When my husband, who insists on handling these events because I don't handle them in a way he finds acceptable, confronted her, she refused to even apologize. She just said she would buy me a new one. She insists on completely disregarding my personal boundaries because she knows at the end of the day, there isn't anything I can do to stop her, other than keep even more of my personal items in a locked chest.
And now, my husband is angry with me, like he frequently is after we've had yet another conversation about her disrespect for my privacy and personal space. Am always made to feel like the bad person for asking what I thought was my right, that someone not take my things. At this point, her behavior says she feels like she can literally go into our room and take anything of mine that isn't locked up if she wants it.
Her defense is always wells, Aunt so and so doesn't mind if I borrow her things. Or my mother, doesn't mind if I need something just using hers. Why am I the one made to feel like something is wrong with me, because they're just "little things" as my husband says. How large or expensive of an item does it have to be before it becomes unacceptable to him? What????!!!!
Thank you. I know that, but
Thank you. I know that, but because this is such a constant fight in the family, I just need other people to remind me. I hate that I've allowed her to control me so much that I need other people's reassurance about things most people already know are true and valid concerns.
You are not wrong. I don't
You are not wrong. I don't like sharing personal items either!
Bacterial infections, warts, lice and who knows what else can be spread when other people use these items.
SO gets peeved when I mention my things are not to be used by skids. I once told him if he felt it was okay for other people to use my personal stuff then he shouldn't mind if I use his toothbrush to clean my cats teeth!
Make up and brushes is almost
Make up and brushes is almost the equivalent to toilet paper--only made for one person to use at a time. Your DH doesn't understand because he probably doesn't know how disgusting it is to get pink eye from someone else's mishandling his things. Maybe one day she'll use his toothbrush and then he'll get it.
This kind of makes you want
This kind of makes you want to start taking her favourite things.
She must have a favourite pair of shoes or jeans or dress or top. How would she feel if you took it wore it and stretch it out or somehow ruined it?
Perhaps if you explained it to her that way? Maybe ask DH how he'd feel if someone went into his shop and took his tools, or took his games and set new high levels, whatever it is that he's into.
"my husband, who insists on
"my husband, who insists on handling these events because I don't handle them in a way he finds acceptable'
This is your problem. Your DH is a real ahole. A MFing B*stard. I would not give a flying eff if my DH thought how I handled events with a POS SD was "acceptable" or not.
I would go bat sh*t crazy on her worthless ass. But without any yelling or screaming of obscenities. Surely you can out maneuver this little twat waffle.
This is an ADULT - not a 5 year old who is playing with your makeup. I personally would kick her ass out of my home ASAP - but I learned how to be responsible for myself and in control of my life at an early age. I have never put myself in a position where I had to live with a jerk.
Save a few used tampons/pads
Save a few used tampons/pads and offer them to her for her use since she is so interested in "sharing".
Tell your H......My personal
Tell your H......My personal items are exactly that, personal items. I do NOT want her sharing them. So you have two choices, a lock on our bedroom door or I move out. Pick one.
"When my husband, who insists
"When my husband, who insists on handling these events because I don't handle them in a way he finds acceptable, confronted her, she refused to even apologize. "
Which would be ok IF he were indeed handling it and it stopped. Broke your eyebrow brush? What the heck are her eyebrows made out of?
She's 19, why is she borrowing from all these ladies anyway? She should be working and buying her own. If she is working than she should budget her disposable income to fit her priorities. If she can't fit what she wants in on her own dime, she should be suggesting these items for birthday and Christmas gifts. A nice set of make-up brushes, a travel beauty case and make-up/skin care.
Not wrong at all! I hate
Not wrong at all!
I hate sharing makeup. It's gross and not everyone has the same hygiene practices, so things can get nasty quickly. Besides, it's YOUR stuff. I wouldn't care if he thought it was acceptable for her to use your stuff without your approval. No is no.
No, you're not wrong at all.
No, you're not wrong at all. What's wrong with these men that they think we should put up with this kind of thing from their kids? I don't think I'd want my own daughter sharing things with me at that age, let alone my step daughter.
In the end we had to lock our
In the end we had to lock our bedroom door as ss would come in and help himself to anything he wants his fathers underwear designer clothes and cologne that I had bought as gifts for his father the crunch came when he started stealing money too , oh and bringing drugs into our home but according my husband ' that's what teenagers do' he's only a kid