Am I doing to little or is he expecting to much?
I'm recently married to a man with two children. Him and i work together and typically ride together. Him and his ex share 50/50 custody. We do not live very far from the ex/kids school, however, including traffic it can take up to an hour and a half extra to get home. I frequently go and pick them up on my work from home days even though it is over an hour round trip. I recently brought up with my husband the idea of me driving separately on the days we need to get them. The car ride from work to their school to our home typically totals around two hours, and by the time we get home everyone is very irritable, and I then have to start cooking dinner. I'm beginning to get worn by the commute and would prefer to go directly home, walk my dog, and start dinner. Is this selfish of me? Should I be more open to the commute? My husband gets annoyed when I bring up the topic with him and says it makes him feel like I don't want to help with the kids or be a part of the family. I don't really know what my obligation is here, am I expected to do this weekly? Should he be more open or should I?
Your suggestion sounds
Your suggestion sounds logical to me. And you are helping by going home getting yourself settled so you are in a better frame of mind and getting dinner started. I really don't understand why these guys take it as a personal slam that you don't want to be around THEIR kids 24/7 mine does the same.
He gets so offended by me not
He gets so offended by me not wanting to constantly be around the kids. I don't even really try to talk with him about it much because its usually a battle. I feel like the kids would even prefer to have some special daddy time every now and then. I love being around all of them but sometimes a need a break and he seems to get so hurt when I express that.
Don't let DH guilt trip you.
Don't let DH guilt trip you. Of course he wants you to do all that because he does not want to 1) do it himself or 2)find other alternatives.
It has nothing to do with 'not wanting to be part of the family, and everything to do with it's way too easy to take advantage of you. Then guilt trip you when and if you speak-up about it.
If you can do some compromise that works for you. Figure out what parts those would be and offer them to DH as to what you can/will do and what you can't/won't do. Example: maybe on a day you are willing to make the run, husband cooks dinner. (or does the evening chores or whatever). Or maybe sure you make a couple runs in exchange for some free time on set days to do whatever it is EEB wants to do (health club, shopping, hair done whatever).
If he can't be reasonable and remember these kids are his and all this running is his responsibility...well, stand up for yourself and just politely decline to make the runs.
^^^^^THIS^^^^ You are
^^^^^THIS^^^^ You are helping! It's not selfish at all. I dont see why a family who isn't blended wouldn't do this... He didn't reply back to you stating something like "riding together saves on gas". He is telling you riding separately makes him feel like you dont want to be part of the family, or that you dont want to help, which I can't even see how he would see it that way. They are his kids, he can go pick them up and you all will be together back at home. You wouldnt be there if you didnt want to be a family, but DH don't always think the way we do. Sometimes you have to do things to make life easier on yourself. And going straight home seems as if you would be less stressed and it would be much easier on you to then be in a better mood to make dinner for the family etc.
This may not be the popular
This may not be the popular answer, but if you entered into this arrangement with him with the attitude of helping out and doing these extra things for him and his kids, then I can see why he would be upset when you suddenly decide you don't want to do it anymore.
I think you need to make it clear that you are still helping out, but your contributions are more meaningful when you're not burnt out after a long commute. By driving separately, you're saving everyone time and headache by having dinner ready and getting other household things done by the time they get home.
I don't get the impression you don't want to help .. I think you just need to communicate it to him in a different way. I think jumping to the "not my kids, not my problem" mentality will do a lot more harm than good at this point.
We never made any agreement
We never made any agreement that I would ride with him daily, just kind of feel into the habit. His car is a gas guzzler and it does save money but its starting to feel like I'm paying for it with my sanity! I even offered to drive/fill up his car and let him use mine since his commute would burn more on those days. I don't really understand why he's so hellbent on me riding the full trip with them :?
i think your commuting
i think your commuting resolution is very reasonable. just making him see reason is going to suck
5 &7, too young for public
5 &7, too young for public commute
There a several great
There a several great suggestions above. I would make a list of them and try them one at a time...I love the sandwich/crockpot idea very clever SM1994 OK, so majority thinks: You aren't being unreasonable, I would encourage you to pursue a solution with out too much plea-bargaining as he might construe (sp?) it as manipulation...just put something into play...good luck.
PS: you are contributing and the numbers on your car is something I would think to myself about, his car being a gas guzzler is his choice of auto (I am in a defacto step relationship and own my own car and have put several tens thousands of kms on my car "for the cause" and the resale value is basement due to the numbers on the odometer, no one is compensating me for my financial loss...just a thought )