Teen's inconsideration

Like most of you, I never received a greeting from my SS 15 1/2 for Mother's Day or any holiday for that matter. But, I also know better than to expect it and get the usual dissapointment. However, although I've never connected with the SS or his BM, I've always tried to make sure he recognized his mother for any holiday. I started out a week before Mother's Day & told him we need to think about getting a card & gift. Of course, he hid at mom's house all week so I never did see him and tried to run middle person through his dad. Finally, on Friday, I took the liberty of making a really nice card with his picture on it and their horse farm as a backdrop that said...To Mom from (SS). On the inside, the top of the card said Happy Mother's Day and the lower half was left blank for his personal message. I gave him Friday thru Sunday to get the card to take to his mom. When I saw him briefly on Sunday, I asked...did you get a card or anything for your Mom? Of course I knew the answer was No. I gave him the 4 cards I made (3 backups in case he messed up the message) and he left. When he came back to our house that evening, I asked if he gave his mom the card and of course he said no. He said she doesn't expect anything from him so it's OK. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT? HOW DO YOU TEACH COURTESY, CONSIDERATION, COMPASSION, GIVING, ETC???? The same situation happened last year when I bought a card and strawberry pie to give to his mom. He never picked it up or gave anything to her. He doesn't give anything to anybody - ever. I could hand it to him on a silver platter and he still doesn't get it. His birthday is in June, I think I'll just ignore it like he ignores the act of giving to others. What do you all think??? What's wrong with kids these days, all they think about is what's in it for them and don't understand it's a two way street. I always say it's the entitlement generation that we're guilty of raising. How can we reverse this aweful trend?

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Zippy 16.5

Is the same way...really motivates a parent to do something nice for a teen like that huh?

DH and I have tried-I think one of these holidays we will "forget" to give Zippy16.5 anything and see how he feels!

I believe it is some teens way of giving "parents the finger stage"-

I don't bother or react anymore-if he comes around he comes around-I certainly will not go out of my way for him!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

I agree...

but I hate to bow down to their level. I guess I just have to ...as you say... step back before I step into something! Since I never had kids, I feel like I'm missing the opportunity to raise a decent and caring individual. Bio parents accept and love them the way they are. I feel like we steps are on the outside looking in and seeing the wasted potential but can't do much to change it.

You're good Sherw!

That was very nice and considerate of you to take the t ime to make not 1 but 4 cards on HIS behalf!!
Then selfish SS doesn't even bother! Hmmph!
I would ignore his birthday! What goes around comes around!

"And this too shall pass..."

Thanks stuknaz...

That's exactly what I told DH but I'm not sure he'll go along with it since it's his 16th coming up. I'll stay out of it and let Daddio do his own thing if he wants to.

I just wonder, do you think maybe he wouldn't want to give his mom a card I bought or made? Nah, I don't think he even thinks that far into it! I think he's just too lazy to consider other's feelings. GIVE ME, GIVE ME, GIVE ME...that's all they know & understand.

I would stop doing it...

You can lead a horse to water, and even put the farm on the card, right?

Obviously he not only has no appreciation for what you're doing and how unselfish it is, he has no appreciation for BM. I would give up on this one and hope one day he actually has the light bulb moment of "Wow! SM did that? I can't believe I didn't understand how big that was of her, or that I should have honored her gesture by at least giving it to my mom!"

But I wouldn't hold my breath!
Hope you had a nice day yourself, regardless.

"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?" ~Hamlet Act III scene I

PS meant to say I may have a SD that can top it!

As she begs to buy BM a gift at her b=day, Christmas and MD so that SD can borrow it (ie keep it herself!) How's THAT for being unappreciative of what the holiday means!

What are the magic words

that we can say or do to change their selfish behavior? Sometimes I can't believe how utterly inconsiderate & self absorbed the kids of this generation are! :O

i know if i had got the

i know if i had got the card....i would have felt like it was from YOU not him.
so ya, i'd stop...more on the basis that its not YOU that looks bad for HIM not appreciating anything.
how to teach a child to be unselfish needs to be learned a different way...not sure how.
but i had a similar thing last year at fathers day. when i decided my kids were gonna make a scrap book each for thier dad for fathers day
and i spent $100 buying all the shit and picking out the pictures they could use
and in the end....ONE kid did it...and the rest i just bagged up and sent over
ONLY because my currnetBF asked me the great question..."who's project is this?"
i may have wanted them to acknowledge him in this nice way...but it sure wasn't coming from their heart or motivation
making it just a pile of worthless nothing
i hate lip service and yet that is what i was asking them to do.

anyhow...kudos for trying...it'd be nice if teenagers thought outside of themselves
but in reality ...most need to have kids of their own before they appreciate these things.

just my 2cents.

I appreciate your 2cents

or any cents from those who have been there & done that! You're probably right and I'm sorry you learned the hard way too. Gosh, I just hate to wait until they have kids of their own to grow up because I'll be old & dead by then. hahaha

I think I'm better off continuing to give all my motherly love to my 4 legged critters and quit trying to change the impossible.

Shrew

stick with the doggies!! I got 2 a Westie and a Schanuzer they give me unconditional love! No back talk and plenty of licks and tail wagging over here. Love my doggies!

"And this too shall pass..."

Love those "kids"! (doggers)

Before DH & I got married, I told him if it wasn't for the "kids" - I'd be outta here! Well, not really...I truly love DH. Just wish he had raised a better son. I used to live in the city with a small yard for my two - a black lab & yellow lab/terrier. I'm now with DH on a farm of 108 acres and my kids & I are loving the freedom. I've adopted every neighbors "kid" and we go for long walks. That's my piece of heaven! I'll take 100 critters over 1 inconsiderate, lazy, rude, lazy, sloppy, lazy, self centered - and did I mention lazy - teenager???

ok, crayon, that's really funny

and scarrrryyyyy to think about...LOL

SD ignored DH's bday

And she was there! No card, no present, nothing. Here were BDs 5 and 2 and I giving him a card, making him a cake, etc. And there is SD16, wanting to know when he is taking her shopping (which she expects to do EVERY weekend she is here). I just figured it was his bday and if he had a problem with how she treated him, he needed to address it with her. And I would say the same about your SS. Although it's very nice what you did, your actions in themselves were enabling SS to "shirk" his duties to BM. So let him get her nothing if he so chooses and let her deal with that.

Before we got FC of my three

Skids...no call on father's day...they didn't even know when their Dad's birthday was!!....I couldn't believe it...in my naive mind I was like how could she not even teach them to call their dad on his bday or father's day???.....but its ok for them to call for everything they want!!!......That was my rude awakening into how rotten some people out there really are....and unfortunately the kids were becoming just like her...I used to try and get things for the kids to give their Mom, but they just never seemed interested at all..or she would throw them out because I bought them......well now years later, after hearing of all the abuse, etc, I kind of understand why they didn't care about getting her gifts....what I CAN say tho, is the kids are getting much better, I think really from seeing our example....they are more thoughtful and are learning that people need to feel appreciated by them....it seems like alot of these kids with split parents learn to just grab whatever they can get from each parent, and don't worry about reciprocating....and without a strong custodial parent to reinforce respect, manners, etc. that it looks like they will become an older generation of me, me, me people....I think what u did was awesome for yur SS...too bad he chose not to appreciate your effort....maybe he will look back and realize one day, or maybe he won't even care...either way...u did a really nice thing!!!

"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"

Thanks LotusFlower

Looks like we've all tried to do the right thing whether it has an immediate impact or not. Perhaps we'll both reap some rewards down the road for our attempts to raise respectable skids. I understand not wanting to get an abusive parent a gift, but I know it's not the case with SS. Both his mom & dad are too good to him which is probably the reason he thinks the world revolves around him. I too have had to prompt SS to wish Dad a happy birthday or acknowledge something nice dad did or gave his son. I'm just glad you're finally seeing a change in your skids...maybe there's hope yet!

Sad but true

Not only am I disappointed in SS's selfishness, but how the bio parents have raised him. Although I love my DH, he really disappoints me as a parent. I hope I don't lose that admiration and loving feeling for him as a person when I see what a lousy father he makes.

DH Being a father

Hey Sherw

I think not everyone can be a GREAT FATHER, but in your shoes that shouldnt matter because you guys won't be having any kids together. Right? So he sucks in that dept(oh well) but I'm sure he is a great guy in other areas. He will never be a father to your child because that is not in the cards and he isn't your father so who really cares if he is lousy in that field?
But I don't think you will lose the admiration you have for him.

"And this too shall pass..."

Hope you're right...

When I watch how laid back (Ok, lazy) he is as a parent, it effects me too because I also have to live with the consequences of SS's & DH's behavior. I'm a manager at my job, so it really urks me that I can't control or change a potentially bad situation at home. If I see an employee headed in the wrong directon or not performing to the best of their ability, it's my job to make sure they're steered correctly (if I can or know how but I don't quit trying). It's really hard to watch it all go to heck in a hand basket at home. No, we'll never have kids together but I was sure hoping his kid would be raised better by the man I thought I knew and loved. I've learned a couple of new words on this site that applies to DH and it's "guilt parenting". As you know, that's a disaster waiting to happen and I guess I'll just have to remember SS's not MY kid. If only I didn't have to deal with any of the consequences.

I know Sherw

and I feel your pain. Sometimes when I get exasperated I say the same thing Oh well he's not my kid!

At one time I did try and speak up and discipline but DH was like "those are my boys and I will handle it!" :O

So you know what DH HANDLE IT!! Not my damn kids and If I did have any which I don't I would be damned if anyone of them called me out of my name or disrespected me in anyway!

But again they aren't my kids!

"And this too shall pass..."

...and this too shall pass

say it over & over again

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