SD saw BM last night for the first time in 3 months
And shocker, it did not go well. BM has not even returned SD's phone calls since she came to live with us 3 months ago, and although she was civil to BF at court two weeks ago, has made no effort to communicate with her daughter, and did not even ask BF how SD was.
Last night a family member of BM's was having some sort of ticketed party, like 200 people. SD has been spending some weekends with her grandparents (BM' father and stepmother, who paid for our lawyer to get custody) and these grandparents were invited, as was SD, as was BM. The family thought BM would not show, but it was universally agreed that if she did, perhaps this would be the best possible opportunity for SD and BM to encounter each other again, so BM would be shamed into being civil to SD, otherwise she'd be acting like the immature loser she is in front of her whole family. Even SD thought this would be the case.
Well it wasn't. BM arrived early, and basically lurked at the door, waiting to see her father and SD arrive. When they got out of the car BM marched up to her father, his wife and SD and said "Don't even let your wife LOOK at me, and pretend you don't know who I am" And marched away, completely ignoring SD. SD was really hurt, and tried not to cry but apparently did. Her grandmother helped her get it together and SD showed her face to the rest of the family, despite BM sitting in the corner deliberately snubbing her the entire time SD was there. They left after about 2 hours.
It's apparent to everyone that BM wants nothing to do with SD now, in no way. She doesn't call, does not return SD's emails to her, and now this in person snubbing. I just don't understand how someone can act that way towards their old child. BF is beyond pissed at her, for treating SD this way, and we're getting SD in counseling as soon as possible, so I am secretly reveling in putting together copies of the copay slips we get from the therapist, and invoicing BM for the therapy her behavior is now deeming necessary.
In other news SD's report card came yesterday, her lowest grade is an 84, and her GPA is an 89.3. She was failing at BM's house, and in just 3 months, brought Fs up to As and Bs. we couldn't wait to tell SD her grades, especially after the drama last night, she's so proud. 
We're taking her to the amusement park in a couple weeks to celebrate her accomplishments, but we have no intention of even mentioning it to BM, not even to rub it in her face, as I'm sure she'd just say the school SD is now in sucks, and that's the only reason she's achieving.
I honestly don't understand such a mean, spiteful and selfish woman.
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she's so proud of herself, it's really validating
we're having her grandparents over for dinner this week to celebrate with her too. When she came here she had mostly Cs and an F. Now she's solid Bs and As.
Apparently BM told the grandparents that SD looked like a slut too, in front of SD. I know what she wore,I helped her steam it so it wouldn't be wrinkled. She looked cute and young and fresh, nothing low cut, or too tight, or cut short, just showed off her cute figure a bit with it belted at her waist. BM is such a horrible person, I can't even believe how a grown woman could be so cruel to a child.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
Awww...poor kid!
Jesus. How can you not have compassion for a child rejected by her own parent? Let me tell you from experience, that kind of pain lasts for a long time and does so much damage to ones' psyche. It's a blessing that she has so many other family members who love and support her.
Way to go on the improved grades! She has every right to feel proud of herself! I hope you all have fun at the amusement park! That's one of my favorite things to do...I love amusement parks!
I haven't been in 10 yrs
but I know we'll have a good time.
And yes, although none of it will make up for her mother's rejection, SD is blessed to have grandparents aunts and uncles who adore her, and make her feel special every chance they get, which is rare....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
That's pretty messed up on
That's pretty messed up on BM's part for treating SD that way. I agree with Sasha, it's very good SD has other family members to support her. While I disagree with BM's actions in regards to snubbing her nose at SD, my guess is she's doing that because she is mad and maybe even hurt that SD no longer lives with her. It's just a shame that she has to hurt SD that way.
Way to go for SD improving her grades. And now that she knows the feeling of her achievement she is just the thing to keep her going stronger. Keep up the good work.
Oh I'm sure she's both mad and hurt
But her relationship with SD was not great to begin with, you'd think, 3 months later, she'd put some of this resentment aside and try to foster some kind of relationship with her kid. Nope. Its all about BM. It's going to be great when she opens that first bill for 1/2 the medical costs for the therapy. She's going to flip, but it's all her own fault.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
you know the last time sd came over
I didn't recognize her at the door. NO joke. She had not only some serious changes to her hair ( streaks of every color, black, red, yellow and blue) but had gained 25 pounds, getting into some serious fake tanning, like her mother too.
She was wearing big sunglasses and also had clothing on that covered her up mostly, not the usual skin tight skimpy clothing she usually wears.
I thought it was a 40 year old woman and said yes, can I help you?
She was very upset too I didn't recognize her right away until her father told her he didn't either.
I told H his daughter was going to be a very large woman as she is not even 20 and already up over 150 pounds ( very small frame ) which is too much for her. If she can't control her weight now just wait... she will be well over 200 pounds by age 25.
Simply amazing
I FEEL INCREDIBLY SAD FOR YOU'RE SD, NOONE DESERVES THAT..
I know it's just so wrong
and BF BETTER follow up about the counselor today or I am going to ride his ass 8 ways to Tuesday. She deserves better than this, and we can tell her till the end of time but I know she's never going to feel 100% comfortable talking about feelings of loss or rejection with us, b/c she doesn't want us to think she doesn't want to be here. She needs someone else to talk to, and we need to make this happen now...
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
My heart goes out to your SD
I can't think of anything worse that a biomothers rejection to her child.
My skids BM packed a suitcase threw it at my SS13 and told him to get out and go and live with his father.
Even though SS13 didn't leave BMs house then and there, SS13 came to live with us within the month after that. The minute SS13 was out of the house BM unsrewed SS bed and put in away in the garage, even though he would still be staying there EOW and my BF other 2 children (7 & 11) still live with BM. BF had a major hissy fit with BM about the bed when he found out SS13 slept on the couch, within the week the bed was set up for SS13 again.
Fantastic effort on her grades. Well done to you and DH for showing SD what a real family and being loved is all about.
pretty much what she did Dani
Back when we took SD BM demanded we come to the house and get all of her things at a specific time like 2 days later. We refused, and she had a fit, and we said "fine throw it out, she has everything she needs here" Well eventually BM just put everything of SD's down to the pillows off her bed (old ratty ones, off the mattress on the floor) drapes, old nappy rug, in trash bags on her stoop, and we got it. Even if visitation was an option right now, SD would have no where to sleep, no clothes, nothing. We threw out so much of the crap too, it was garbage, literally. BM was in such haste to do it she threw in some of her baby's clothes (apparently they were in SD's rooms) OOPS those got trashed too.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
What a freaking hag!!!
You know that just proof in the pudding that SD coming to live with yall was totally the right on thing to do! Poor kid...but you know the BM is the one missing out!
absolutely, I am so shaking mad about the slut comment
Trust me, I am super sensitive on this subject, SD is tall, thin with a cute little figure, she's one of those blessed teen girls, I was not, I looked like a fireplug until I was like 18, LOL. But she is NOT one to dress in a provocative way. Her aunt is a fashion designer, and she gets a lot of her clothes from her aunt, samples, off runway things, etc. and being a size 2, she can wear it all. It's juniors stuff, and COMPLETELY age appropriate, and I tell her if I think it's even remotely inappropriate, which has happened like once. SD's style is funky and alternative, and BM is just being a f*ing b*tch b/c SD was only allowed to wear jeans and t shirts at her house b/c that was one of the many ways BM was constantly punishing SD, taking away her clothes.
Ugh I hate her....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I'm glad she's away from her BM-I can't imagine a mother calling
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
her own daughter names like that. Your Sd's BM is proof that just giving birth does not make a mom.
Northern, I'm so glad she has you. Thank you for caring so much and getting this girl into your home, where she thrive.
thanks bewitched
As everyone knows, I'm an alternative girl myself, and it's been so so validating to me to see SD come out of her shell and have the chance to explore who she is and what she likes, and not be governed constantly by BM's iron fist. Of course BM is going to hate that. One of my biggest fears at this point is that BM is going to try to enforce visitation rights, and undo all the progress we've made by abusing SD. If that comes up, I was thinking about it last night, I want to ask the court for supervised visitation. I can't send SD to her mother's house after that, I won't.....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein