Mediation
We had our mediation yesterday and I just have one thing to say....What a JOKE!!!
obviously it did not go well. We wanted 50/50 time BM only willing to let stay over on Sunday night on our weekends and wanted child care credit on child support worksheet and she is not even working and has no child care plus we pay her attorney! So it is to court for us....the gloves are off my H is now Rocky Balboa and the BM is Ivan Drago (the Russian boxer in Rocky IV)...big mean and scary!
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Neither
would budge on anything?
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."
StepG
Unfortunately that is how it usually is in mediation. Most mediators like the courts favor the mother so when we went if DH didn't concede on some things we would have never gotten to court because BM is a pig-headed unstable woman (I do use that term lightly) who has no care for what is in the best interest of the kids. Thing is that the Judge told them NOT to come back without having hashed it out in mediation. A complete joke as DH wanted 50/50 too and BM rathered that he not get them at all except when SHE needed a sitter to do her thing. Never mind the fact that she was totally ok with s getting the kids 3 weekends out of the month because THAT meant that she had her weekends free to do whatever. Mediation was scheduled about 5 times as the day would arrive and BM would call an hour BEFORE to say something came up. They threatened to hold her in contempt, but nothing ever happened. She only turned around and did it again and again. YEP in my expeirence Mediation is a JOKE!!!
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
Very Big Joke
we were the only ones trying to give but there was nothing to take and once the mediator saw that we might consider he pressured us as time was getting short. I knew this would turn out this way and I did not think that he was pro BM though. He said he felt real good that a judge would give us extra time but now sure if during school or whole summer and that our documentation will be very convincing he said we had done a great job on that. Anyway our attorney going to sue for full custody as she will do the same and both try to meet in the middle when we go. I would prefer to have SS during school time as he needs the structure and discipline that she does not provide. Lawyer talked with teachers and stated both parent involved but the have way more contact with H. Also they stated SS is a mess when he has not had his ADHD med and they can tell when that is. Mediator stated he appreciated us trying but he just could not get anything out of her.
Most mediators
who are worth anything, favor no one- they remain neutral- at the end of the day it is up to the parties involved to work towards an agreement. The mediator has no real power (except in California)- so if no one is going to budge from their position of what they want, no agreement will be made.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
AND
Oh I am sorry that I wrote my comment incorrectly. I forgot we have black and white thinkers here. MediatION is a JOKE. Is that better?
Though I understand where you are coming from...It is not a fair situation when one party is doing all the give and receiving no take. Hell if that is the way it was going to be then we could have saved our $150 an hour and continued with the status quo. We deal with a virtually impossible person and the Judge KNEW that. THAT is why he ordered mediation and as I said it took 5, five, FIVE freaking reschedules for her to finally SHOW UP and do EXACTLY what she did in court. NOTHING! SO my issue is not with the Mediator per se, BUT with the Mediation process. That one is on me that I misspoke. So as I was saying earlier it is a JOKE. A J-O-K-E. I AM entitled to my opinion.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
Yes....
you are entitled to your opinion, and I wasn't really disagreeing with you. If one party is unwilling to budge (the mom in your case) then mediation is derailed. I agree there are issues with the process, the lack of consequences for those who undermine the process or refuse to budge.
It's obvious that some of you are positioned to take anything and everything that I say as a slight, or a way to lash out at me and treat me rudely. But I was agreeing with the idea that a mediator who takes sides- as in pro-mom, is not a worthy mediator.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
I will leave it at this
If you pay attention to my posts THIS is the first I've gone against something you've said unless my memory fails me. When all of the other crap that was going back and forth with you and others was going on I reserved comment whether I agreed with you or them. In fact, I think at some point I tried to put a neutral statement out there to calm the waters. So to state "some of you are positioned to take anything and everything that I say as a slight" and to have it directed at a comment I made would imply that I have attacked you before.
If your response was not meant as a slight I APOLOGIZE for taking it as one. I don't believe I lashed out at you and in all seriousness WHAT I was about to write was lashing out at you but I deleted it because I saw it as just that. I don't go around treating people rudely because it is not in my nature BUT I will admit that if I should feel threatened I can. BUT I know that I can be a total Bitch when pushed there, but I know that does not solve anything so I work real hard to tame my inner bitch and save her for the heavyweight's like the BM that I deal with. So if you took my response as an attack on you and treating you rudely ---I am sorry Gestalt. I can assure you that my being rude would have been like a no vacancy sign "lit up and flashing lights."
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I apologize as well
I could have just as likely taken your post the wrong way. There are no hard feelings on my end.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
IMO -
Mediation is a complete waste of both time and money...
I've been to mediation as a bio parent AND as a step, and it's just a joke...
I agree
that is a waste of time and money. It may work in a few cases but I am willing to guess that many situations are standstills like the OK Corral. BM not budging and DH not budging so it still solves nothing.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I think what CatLovers DH said about
going to court is also applicable in going to mediation - "If I ever think about going back to court, just kick me in the balls three times and charge me ten thousand dollars."
Maybe not ten thousand dollars, in our case closer to four thousand... :O
That IS outrageous!
I know a lot of attorney's who do (rather are ordered to do) mediation- charge their full attorney hourly rate for mediation sessions. But even at that...you pretty much know by the second or third session whether something can progress or not.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
Absolutely!
BM took the mediation sessions as a forum to bring up all of the "wrongs" (according to her)that DH had done in the past... She couldn't/wouldn't focus on the present or future and try to come to agreement on ANY issue.
Scary thing is, she got away with it. The mediatior/parenting co-ordinator was was completely useless - and he is actually quite well known in my city. Oh, he would try and get her to focus on the issues at hand, but she'd pull the "poor me" routine, and bring the focus back to herself. Every. Single. Freakin. Time. We had the 'pleasure' of paying $250.00 a freakin HOUR - to listen to her lies, and watching her turn on the crocodile tears
Needless to say, this went on for over a year, at first weekly, then bi-weekly, finally dwindled down to monthly (because DH refused to go anymore, unless there was an actual VALID reason regarding SD).
The last time we went, I had printed off some of her more vicious emails and took them with us. When Dr. Do-Little started tsk tsk-ing, and there there-ing her :sick: , I confronted her with them, and gave them to him. We left. Haven't been back since.