A GAL, or Guardian Ad Litem, is an attorney who represents the best interests of the child, this is different than represent the child's wishes, although the GAL will convey the child's wishes to the court. The GAL will make their own recommendation to the court regardless of the child's wishes.

Usually the parents split the fees for the GAL evenly.

Tip: never ever ever bash the other side to the GAL. Make everything child focused.

Example...

Do NOT say- "BM is always running around with different men and never spends any time with kiddo"

Say....."Kiddo has expressed to us that he is frustrated he doesn't see his mom more"

then it is up to the GAL to ferret out WHY kiddo doesn't see mom as much as he would like

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."

Largely due to my letters, my taking SD to counseling (BM refused to participate, DH's work hours didn't allow him to get there often due to the psychologist's 8-4, M-Th office hours), my input to the school...
Here's my GAL advice.

We were honest regarding our concerns with our GAL. She was very observant, and very unbiased. She put all the "They said/She said" stuff in her initial report, listing everything as each parties concerns.

She spent a few hours with us, but not as long with BM, because BM was too paranoid likely to spill much, and tends to simply repeat the same things over and over.

We did tell her everything that SD told us. We did phrase it that way. SD didn't offer everything back to her, but the GAL talked to SD's psychologist too, where SD had til that point felt comfortable to tell all.

I wrote several letters, which my attorney wasn't happy about until we gave him a copy of them. He was concerned I would look overinvolved to the GAL, but we knew, per direct confirmation from SD's psychologist, that my involvement was the most positive thing SD had in her life, due to the anger issues that both DH and BM were stuck on. The Dr also shared with the GAL that DH and I collaborate, that I have an amazing understanding of SD's needs, that SD is most comfortable with me.

SD also shared with the GAL and psychologist, that BM told SD not to tell them ANYTHING negative about her, and also told SD that everything she said, BM would hear about. Then BM guessed that SD told them about the time BM called her "retarded" or a "moron" so SD believed BM and suddenly clammed up. THAT was the end for BM.

I would say, make sure if you write anything down that you take every ounce of blame out of your words, and stick to the facts.

So though I agree with GS about not "bashing" BM, I would still address your concerns as yours, even if SD hasn't voiced them all herself. It's more....well...honest and straight forward. Hopefully, GALs can appreciate that. We didn't say, "BM is a slut" or "BM has men coming and going" We said, "BM confides about these two men to SD, telling SD all about her relationship with each, then telling SD she cannot tell either man, because they don't know about the other."

Those kind of details are ok I think. As long as you don't elaborate and pass judgments or use insults describing the behavior.

I don't believe in taking the completely high road because kids are not going to give GALs the whole picture. THAT would take the input from a psychologist to achieve. We had stated somethings strongly about BM's involvement in school, and though the principal (who was obviously rooting for us but needed to stay "unbiased" professionally) collaborated some things, she did not either remember a few things she said to us, or wasn't willing to go "on record" as saying them.

One of the best examples was a class meeting, for SD's grade/class, of teachers, parents and kids. There was a mean girl problem, but they wanted everyone there, boys and girls, victims and perpetrators, as well as those who had nothing to do with it, in order to discuss the problem fairly.

BM had SD.

SD bragged to the other girls that she didn't have to come to the stupid meeting. The principal called BM and told her SD needed to come and that it was mandatory. BM said she'd TRY.

DH and I showed up. No BM or SD. Then after the meeting, the principal told us everything, including that SD was one of the main perpetrators of the issue and it was obvious the principal was upset that BM didn't bring her.

This story was an excellent example of something that we could tell the GAL in detail, and the principal could at least comfortably collaborate.

Oh- on our last meeting with the GAL, SD and I made a list of things that SD wanted to tell the GAL. Our attorney wasn't happy with it at all, until I shared the whole story.

I only typed on the list what SD specifically wanted to say, some were petty things we wouldn't have bothered telling "on" BM for, but it was SD's list. I told the GAL this before she talked to SD (who had the list on her. I also told the GAL that I had told SD whatever she wanted to share on the list was up to her, and she could leave something out if she wanted once she got there. This was a list SD wanted, because she would get sidetracked and forget things while talking to the GAL.

During that talk, SD came down to the waiting room to get me. I went with her and the GAL said, "She wanted you here for something."

SD said, "You forgot something on the list."
ME- "I did?"
SD "Tell her about....YOU KNOW."

I did know. It was about how BM handled SD's wetting the bed (still did it up until we got custody when SD was 12 and a half). But, SD hadn't told me specifically to put it on the list, so I didn't.

I said, "Are you sure? You didn't tell me to put that on the list."

SD said, "YES. YOU TELL HER."

I looked nervously toward the GAL for guidance and said, "Honey, I don't think I can...."

The GAL nodded it was ok.

So I mentioned that BM had told SD she would be sleeping in the garage if she continued wetting the bed.

SD said, "NO the part about she won't change my sheets or let me wash them!"

I said, "WHAT?!?!?! She makes you sleep in wet sheets?" in a very upset tone. I hadn't even heard that one before.

So SD then spilled it, more comfortable with me there rather than just to the GAL.

This, I must admit looking back, was priceless. I couldn't have scripted it myself. The GAL was able to observe the trust, the care, the concern, the bond between SD and me, in a completely spontaneous setting.

A few weeks later SD said she wasn't talking to anyone anymore like I mentioned above. I drafted another letter to the GAL, telling her this, as well as the fact that SD had been to the psychologist's office and told her the same thing. I also mentioned that BM had moved again and not informed the court or GAL. The GAL wasn't happy about that one, from a BM who claimed SD's issues were related to all the changes (new SM, new SBrothers, new baby) that DH "imposed" upon her life. So the GAL went to another home interview at the new place. While there, she asked SD if they could speak alone. SD said NO. This was an obvious change.

Anyway....I am here for GAL advice. It is a thin line as to what to say, how to say it- how laid back to be "trusting" that the truth will come out, and how proactive to be (my approach is a definite balance between those.)

I wish there was a life coach through custody gig, I think I could really be helpful in that area!

Sorry to type so much. This whole custody thing is close to my heart. I learned as I went along, and fortunately have really good instincts and sometimes painful levels of self awareness on how my actions effect outcome. That proved very helpful in the legal system for sure!

So.....long winded as usual that is my GAL experience.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

In my case, the GAL was appointed to supposedly look out for best interest of SD. Yet he claimed that the she was save with the grandparents and needed euqal time with them and us, even though SD was subjected to all the abuse. He claimed that DH was unreasonable and "appeared to think he was in the driver's seat" of this situation. He is the reason why SD wa subjected to another "alleged" incident of being molested on a visit that was against the wishes of therapist, psychiatrist and us. GAL forced it and underhandedly got a court order that we did not know about to force the visit.

Just ask Anne... or anyone else who wrote nasty letters to my GAL! I think that GAL's should not exist and do not look out for the best interest of the child. We have to split the fees 50/50 even though the state is supposed to pay for a GAL when abuse is present. Ohwell...now I am dwelling on the past! lol

Tread lightly when talking to a GAL, they will twist everything around.

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

I think they are just like any other professional or business....you get some that are just out of this world awesome, most that are plodding their way through doing an adequate job, and then some you are surprised actually get paid.

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love."

Tried numerous times.... but my situation is one out of the Twilight zone and does not fit the norms.

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."