Should I or Shouldn't I?
As most of you know-SS-Zippy16 is in Europe this week 
-we are blissfully having a great time-THEN
DH received an e-mail yesterday from Zippy in which Zip signed off "Love Zippy"-which is unusual for him apparently and made my DH weepy with emotion :sick: -towards his baby boy.
DH is as thick as a brick when it comes to Zippy and I-and I have tried many ways to tell him how I feel-
And it just comes out "You don't like my Zippy"-(insert frustrated smiley here)-
So here is what I really want to say and need to know if 1. Any of you have sat down and done this?
2. Do they ever get it?
3. Does it make a difference IF the Bio parent gets it?
Here is what I plan to say to DH:
There are times I am resentful and angry. Remember I did not marry you for the pleasure of picking up after Zippy or arguing with him/you about basic house rules we as the adults set up.
Imagine meeting the love of your life and in order to spend the rest of your life with that person you have to take on, full time, surprise custody of his passive aggressive sullen teen.
I love you and am devoted to you. I am willing to make a home for another woman's child and WHEN she was involved with her son I was willing to tolerate her in our life when it comes to Zippy.
I am willing to go to work to help pay for your child-then come home and make dinner when you are working evenings.
I am willing to compromise my wishes for your son (until he is 18) on
1. Where to live
2. go on vacation
3. and out to dinner (what will Zippy eat when we go out?)
Please do not forget what I am sacrificing for our marriage.
I am NOT looking forward to another summer with Zippy sleeping until 1-2pm then waking up thwaking on his make believe drums-with Subwoofer booming until the walls and floors vibrate-then the rest of the night with Zippy zapping aliens in the basement. The most break we will get in the summer is Zippy maybe working two shifts at the store IF he feels like it (DH told Zip he could say no to extra shifts)-IF he still has the job! Or if we ask him to make an appointment with his BM (as she will not call him)-for a 24 hour visit.
I need a game plan for the two months in the summer.
Does this sound reasonable?
Thanks!
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Comments
I think this one line should make him get it.....
"I love you and am devoted to you. I am willing to make a home for another woman's child and WHEN she was involved with her son I was willing to tolerate her in our life when it comes to Zippy."
I mean don't these men get that we do make a home for another woman's child ALL for the love of a man?....I really think if u present that like u did here....he may get it...I hope so for his sake....maybe u could make it like a written contract Endora...give it to him and then say...now what r u going to offer me????
"Sooner or later, everyone's bill comes due"
YES!
It sounds to the point and not blaming. If DH interprets it any other way then he just likes being a slave to Zippy.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I feel for you!
Cannot imagine Droopy all over HIS dad-yikes-it is even worse when said child is 6'1" with a mustache-hope Droopy is not allowed THAT long-
I don't mind affection -hugs etc. but it is ridiculous when skids start acting like boyfriends/girlfriends to their parents and parents just do not see anything wrong with that picture-
If my bio Charlies hung off me like that I would puke!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Just an idea.
I think what you have said in your post sounds great but I'm guessing that you have had many conversations with DH about Zippy and he just isn't getting it.
Sometimes when BF and I have a lingering issue and BF can't see where I'm coming from I usually give him a letter explaining how I feel and why. At least that way I can think about what I want to say instead of blurting it out in the heat of an argument and it coming out all wrong. Usually I leave it for BF to read in his own time and then we calmly talk about it.
This letter writing might not be your or DHs thing but I just find that if I have taken out the time to write it and BF to read it, it's not something that you can just shrug off, the issue was important enough for you to write about it rather than a conversation that either party may not be entirly heard.
Just a suggestion. I hope this helps.
Good Suggestion
I have written a letter or two when DH was wearing his cement skull. It has been most effective too. I would normally write it and leave it in a place that he was sure to find it and leave for a few hours. He would come in and have time to digest what I'm saying. Then when I return we are able to talk about it and it has helped. You are so right. It must be serious if I took the time to write a letter.
It can't hurt.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I like that idea
I am an upfront-in your face "lets deal with the issue now" kind of person- DH needs time to process (his feminine side-my masculine side)-I will try this method.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!