to BMs...
I read a lot of the posts on here about all the BMs we have to deal with, and all the grief they give us. So I decided to write this to BMs with some pointers in it for them.
To BMs...
1. A lot of us have out own kids to mother. There are also those of us who don't have kids. We aren't trying to take your place as their mom. We can be additional parent figures in their lives and care about them and do fun things with them without trying to be their mom.
2. We go out of our way to make your kids feel welcome and included here at our house. You don't have to love us, you don't have to like us, you don't even have to THANK us (though that would be very nice!!!) but can't you at the very least be civil to us and treat us with respect?
3. We don't go to our skids functions/appointments/activities to detract attention from you or replace you as their mom (see #1) but we go to keep our partners company and support & be there for the kids. Trust me when I say that everyone (the other adults and kids present, the doctors, teachers, activity leaders, DH, me, our families, friends, you, and your families and friends) know you are the mom and we SMs are not. Why can't we just all make nice for the benefit of the kids?
4. Your kids can tell that you don't like us and our partners. Can't you get a licensed therapist to help you with your issues instead of putting the kids in the middle?
5. We want what is best for your kids. We are here to help you and work with you. We're on your side as far as the skids go! We want to help you and our partners in raising them to be good people. We just want what is best for the kids and for all of us, and that is for all of us to be nice and get along.
6. Child support is meant for the kids, not you. If you can't afford that new car you want, get off your butt and get a job. The kids are in school for 7 hours a day, five days a week and with us EOW. So there's 35+ hours in which you can get a job.
7. All we ask of you is that you treat us and our partners with courtesy and respect. You have the right to demand that we treat you that way; we have the right to ask it of you too. We hope we can all someday work together in a positive way for the benefit of the kids.
Sincerely,
Your kids' SMs
- Anon2009's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I Loved it, however I would
I Loved it, however I would chnage #6. My sd's bm is the one whom is supposed to pay cs and she is thousands of dollars behind so mine would say
#6. Please Pay Your child support obligation this in the best intrest of your child. Please find your child more important then getting your nails done or buying ugly slow boats.
same goes for me
but we once had to pay her CS too so I thought I'd put that in there, but I'll go back and add what you said too! Thanks!
I love it
I will add:
8. Please tone it down with the 'mother superior' attitude - just because you gave birth does not make you the medical/moral equivalent of the Virgin Mary!
BMs can be wrong too but just beat everyone over the head with their whole 'instinct' and 'caring' stuff, that really most HUMANS have but no one wants to argue with them on this, because that will only prolong the agony/conversation.
I'm just sayin . . .
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I agree with Most Evil's #8
I'm sick of BM thinking that she's better than me just because she's a "real mom." And I'm just the "step."
Nice list, Anon!
Thanks!
IMHO REAL moms don't do what these BMs do. They find other ways of dealing with their anger towards us/our partners (like getting counseling) and don't put their kids in the middle. They also don't allow their kids to be rude to others (and it sounds like your BM does a lot of that).
#8
JamaicanMeCrazy
DISNEY LIED...THERE IS NO 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER'
is definately my favorite.
#9
How about get a life and quit worrying about what goes on in mine. We don't think about you so quit spending most of your time figuring out ways to disrupt our household and use the childrens as pawns to try to get us to do your bidding. UCK!