I feel hope again.
Recently I have really tried to be expressive to my DW about my feelings and thoughts about our marriage and our difficulties. I pointed out things I had been doing all along, and did my best to explain why I was pushing for certain things in regards to handling SD13.
Also earlier in the month for her BDay and Valentines Day I tired to send the message of how much I cared for her and SD, how much I wanted to make things work.
DW had but up a fairly tough wall due to our differences with SD. There had been no physical intimacy for an extremely long time.
In the last week she has been more affectionate, and that seemed to increase almost daily. Its like the wall was completely removed.
I always felt like my wife and I had ‘IT’. I have been able to see that ‘IT’ is still there underneath all our other issues, maybe we can dig it back up if we can get through some SD issues.
While we still have a way to go to solve our problems and differences, it seems that maybe we will approach them as a couple and not two people with separate agendas.
I haven’t felt this good or this positive in almost a year.
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Comments
I am so glad
I was wondering if you had given her your letter.
I really hope that she comes around. I know how much you love her & your BD. It is so refreshing to see a man who wants to work on his relationship.
Oh wow
This is great news!! Between your letter and DW seeing her own counselor for her own issues -it all seems to be working. I'm very happy for you!!
Keep us updated.
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
Good to hear
I would bring this up in couseling. The progress your wife has made, this will reinforce to her that she is doing the right thing and to continue.
You just maybe getting through to her
We did joke a bit about
We did joke a bit about telling the counselor... I told DW 'Im telling Dr. P that WE HAD SEX! (sorry if thats TMI...
) DW will likely turn bright red... But I say she should know, as she knew we hadnt in quite some time.
She/he should know
even if you need to tell her on the walk in the door under your breath so your wife doesn't hear. Its important for your counselor to know that she/he is on the right track. Props to the couselor and you for being able to break that wall down.
I'm so glad for you
and to hear that things are going better!
Happy for you.
Absolutely you should let the counselor know...she needs feedback or she will not know if her approach is helping or not.
Good luck.
I am absolutely telling
I am absolutely telling her... It will likely be the 1st thing I say when she asks how things are going.
Im just hoping for continued movement forward.
wow, that's so cool
I am very happy for you.
Congrats! It's always
Congrats! It's always uplifting to hear that there is still hope. Just concentrate on that hope and keep turning the hope into your reality!
I think SW should post that "what women/men need" link again
I think my most honest advice is that you pour all your efforts into nurturing your W and disengage from co-parenting your SK.
I know that's easier said than done, but as I am starting to do that, to let go of SD, to stop caring if she ever gets how lucky she was to have me when her mom is incompetent and DH is focused on work, to stop caring if SD tells the world I'm evil, to stop seeing myself through her eyes...
The more intimate I feel toward DH.
He has been stepping up to correct her for things, and I have been letting him succeed or fail, realizing it's far better this way.
I am going to be an "aunt" to SD from now on. A true "babysitter" in that when SD says she's off to run around the neighborhood I say "check in with your dad now and then" and let her go off.
It has made my life more peaceful, even though she is increasingly worse when she is forced back into our "prison" I mean home with rules, repsonsibilities, accountability. But at least while she's out running free, I GET A BREAK!
So love, nurture, support, your W. Take over other things in your house, like cleaning or cooking, etc, and leave SK to her and her alone. I think you'll see a tremendous change in her.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
To some degree I have done
To some degree I have done this. I try to engage SD in as little as possible when it comes to correcting her. I still do engage DW about things, but less frequently. There are some things SD does that impacts the entire family that I feel need to be addressed.
It isnt easy for sure. I focus on BD, and tend to leave the room when SDs behavior is or is about to become a casue of stress for me.
I cant say exactly which thing or things are behind my wife's change in attidude towards me so I plan to continue with more of the same from the last few weeks and hope for continued improvement.
You are a very smart man!
"I cant say exactly which thing or things are behind my wife's change in attidude towards me so I plan to continue with more of the same from the last few weeks and hope for continued improvement."
My DH does this. Though lately we have both been so stressed about SD neither one of us are capable of the proper level of giving and putting the other's needs first.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
YEA!!
I'm very happy for you. From a woman's point of view, the sex thing is a BIG deal. Sex for women is so much more about intimacy and emotional closeness than it is for men (speaking in very general terms here of course). So the fact that you made it that far is very promising! Kudos to you for all the hard work (emotionally, of course, I have no idea how hard you work sexually
)!