I'm getting a bit nervous about today’s counseling session
I'm getting a bit nervous about today’s counseling session. My plan is to begin to direct the sessions around the relationship between myself, DW, and SD13. The sessions focus has been on and off that topic. The counselor wants us to try to strengthen my wife and I as a couple, but SD is going to end us.
SD is a smart kid, and has a good heart. But she is also a teenager and they will walk all over you if you let them. They will become monsters if you let them.
I am bringing an article on guilt parenting, because my wife fits the description very well. I also am bringing an article, The Bill of Rights for Children.
If I cannot get my wife to stop with the guilt parenting and trying to be her friend then I wont make it much longer. My SDs behavior is very disrespectful which eats at me, but DW does nothing. I understand the behavior is caused by what DW has done and by being a teen she is simply acting normal, but there is no control to limit that behavior. I am the only one to say no. SD resents me because I don’t cave to her every whim. I cant take her behavior, I cant stand her behavior. Its not that I cant stand her. The behavior can be corrected but not without DW’s full participation and consistency.
I’ve been afraid that this is likely to cause our relationship to fall apart even more, accelerating the end. Women don’t seem to react well if you ever mention that they are making a mistake in parenting their children.
On top of it all, we had to reschedule this appointment. Now my mother cant watch BD2, so SD will be watching BD in the lobby. I am not sure this is a good day to start this line of action with the kids with us when we leave. We wont be in the same car on the ride home and I don’t want DW being angry or upset with them in the car. Maybe I should wait until next time. I am just having a hard time hanging on. If this is going to end I want to start to deal with it. If we can save things, we need to start real soon. I want to believe we have a chance. I dont know that we do.
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just do it
Just start the subject today. what do you have to lose then some stress and anger. You think she will be mad on the way home, well let her be. If you walk around with this stuck inside you, you'll cause more harm than good. She will pick up on it and instead of it coming out counseling it's will happen at home around the girls. Not a good thing.
you can do it!
Stay strong!!! You've made it this far, you can do it! You seem to have a good sense of what's going on in your life and what needs to be fixed...if your instincts tell you to run with it today, go for it, and if you think you should wait(if you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach)then wait til the next session. You know when you can and can't do it.
It might be a little tricky with everyone in the car on the ride home...I can understand that. I don't feel that way when we have our sessions because I take it constructively...like I want to fix things, including me...I don't look at it as me being ganged up on. Hopefully your dw will take it that way too and maybe see that her mother-title isn't in question, her parenting skills just need to be adjusted to the stepfamily situation because you (her life-partner guy) are being negatively affected. Hopefully she can put herself in your shoes and see that(with the counselors help)you aren't being treated fairly and things need to change to better everyone. It isn't just about dw parenting better so you and her will get along better, it's about helping sd grow into a decent, kind, caring human being.
Good luck!!
Im ready to start. Every
Im ready to start. Every session we head to our cars and say ILY. Sometimes hug, sometimes not. But the peek of any negative feelings are gone when we get home. This session will expose both DB and SD to DWs feelings after this session and Im very uncertain what they will be. Maybe I will start with the Bill of Rights, and move to the Guilt Parenting next time.
It is really hard to hear
It is really hard to hear things that you are doing wrong, but if she wants to make it work she will eventually accept it. You can't hold this in. The SD is causing the stress in your relationship.. It should be brought up like any other issue in your relationship(sex, finances, etc.). I have seen first hand what happens when kids get to do what they want. They turn into entitled adults that don't care about anybody but themselves. My SS17 is exactly like this because Bm will let him do what he wanted without forcing him to do the right things. I literally hate being around him because all he talks about is himself. I admire you for your efforts and trying so hard with her. There are a lot of men out there as you can see from this site that wouldn't do what you are doing. They would either disengage (not care) or just make it all her fault.
Have you spoken to the councelor alone.
Does your councelor know how much you want to speak about this issue and how much it's effecting your relationship with DW?
Hopefully your counselor
Hopefully your counselor will start the conversation in this direction, if she knows it is a big issue with your marriage...then it won't seem like your picking on your wife.
My Bf and I have had the same experience with our ex's in counseling, when it came time for the counselor to point out anything wrong they are doing and possible improvements...well then it was time we were all healed...or time to move on to another counselor. My BF's ex and their bio daughter 19 have seen a counselor (just BM and daughter) because the 19 is (according to BM) getting out of control. I guess the same thing happened, because BM won't go back to see that counselor, she wants to see someone else...seems the counselor 'empowered' the 19 year old. I'm sure the counselor could see that BM is overbearing, manipulative and won't stay out of her daughter's face for one second.
Maybe if the issues are left to you, maybe you should just bring up one of the items to discuss this time. I can certainly understand your wanting to know which way things are going to go...either work on the relationship or decide not to. Good Luck!
It has to come out
so to me, the sooner the better. Also I am sure you are paying for this, why spend this money and not address the real issues? I always think it is better to state your piece then let the chips fall where they may.
To me it sounds like DW is a little bit of a bully to you. She needs to be called out on that to make it stop. You are equal partners in marriage and you should not have to tiptoe around this elephant in the room!
DW is a big girl and can handle it or like you say, you can start the process toward splitting and getting you happy again. Hugs honey
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin