Well, I wanted to brief you guys, and preserve for posterity the latest developments with the situation with SD and BM. Everything is moving so fast, it's just crazy!!!

Last Friday, after getting the news about the school, BM had a flurry of phone calls back and forth with FH saying that we had to come and get SD's stuff from her house at 7:30 tonight "or else". What that or else was was never determined, even when FH pressed her on that, that was all she'd say. She said we could show up with a cop, she didn't care, but that it had to be Friday. Smelling a rat, plus having other plans, we declined, and said if she really felt she had to, she could throw all SD's stuff on the curb, we didn't care. She hung up on FH, and then called back, and he did not take her call. She also wanted to know if SD was coming over this weekend, and took the "no" surprisingly well. Oh according to BM, 500 people are now involved in this too, I guess she found out many of her family members knew this was happening and didn't tell her, including her father, sister, cousins, etc.

Our other plans actually consisted of visiting BM's dad and his wife's house, for dinner!!! LOL. We had a lovely time with them, and were there from about 7:00 to 10:15 or so. It was weird though, they have a big family, and pictures everywhere, some of BM!!! So here we are, eating dinner with them, their extended family members kept calling, wanting to talk to SD and congratulate her on the news, and BM's smiling face is on the wall!!! The grandfather asked if we could get a nice picture of the three of us (SD, FH and me) for his wall too!!!!! I mean, it's really kind of them, but wow. I actually got a big appreciation for just how difficult this situation must be for them, having to basically write off BM for SD, and how in accepting us into their family (we've been invited on summer vacation with them) they really are making a big choice.

They actually wanted us to forget about the school thing, and just transfer her to the school in our town now. It was hard for me to accept, given I get really feisty when wronged, but in the end, I conceded. I'm not the only one who makes decisions here, and the good news is that we are able to enroll SD TOMORROW, so she will be able to start school right away, and before Feb break even, so if she needs to do study catch up, she'll have a week to do so. SD even said she'd rather start right away, so she can make friends before the summer. Plus this totally closes the window to BM confronting her/us at school, and her dad and I having to chauffeur her to and from the BM town's school, so all in all, everyone made the case for us to just do it.

Saturday FH worked while SD and I spent the day together. We went grocery shopping together and she showed me the things she likes for lunch, breakfast, etc. It was nice to have a buddy, I usually go alone, and she helped me carry everything in and put things away.

One of the things I did was have her pick out thank you cards, to send out to people for her birthday gifts. She came home and started writing them out, no need for me to remind her :). We also wrote out V-day cards to family at the same time, and sent them out in the afternoon mail. After FH came home we all went out to celebrate, SD and I got to go to the crafts store and get scrapbooking supplies, (I split the cost of hers with her), to a couple other stores for odds and ends, and a celebratory dinner, it was a nice evening, and FH was just beaming ear to ear. He confessed later to having gotten a little teary eyed on his way to work "I have everything I ever wanted, my family".

Sunday was also a good day, we scrapbooked together in the morning, then went to the mall and got SD a "rebirth" charm for her pandora bracelet! She was so excited and appreciative, we all exchanged big hugs. After we got home we all pitched in and made dinner together. THAT was awesome, I loved the help. About that time SD realized her mom had emailed her and called me in. Ugh, I braced for the worst, but actually it was an okay email, basically she wanted to know if SD would be coming over NEXT weekend, or if she wanted to go to her little sister's skating lessons as they had planned. She signed it "love mom" and there was nothing angry or hateful about it. I was REALLY REALLY pleased about the tone of the email, I was so afraid SD would open up this two page hate letter, but in the end, it was actually okay. I advised SD to respond that she would think about it, and let her mom know when she was ready. I also offered to take SD to the skating rink to see her mom and her little sister if she wanted to at SOME point, not yet. I think easing into seeing her mom again, by starting in a controlled public place with her little sister there is probably a good idea. I am NOT comfortable with her beginning with overnights at BMs. SD, being the awesome kid that she is, agreed, and pretty much said that verbatim in her reply

This morning we had the meeting with the school, and they provided us with ALL the records we need to enroll SD. The only problem is that the other school couldn't take our appt today, so we have to put it off tomorrow. One interesting thing though, apparently SD is missing some of her school books, and one of them was at BMs. So against all of our wishes, we ended up having to call the BM this morning, because the school said they would bill us $80 if we did not return it in 24 hours!!! BM said that she had it, but didn't have time to bring it back (does not work lives less than 2 miles from the school) and no, we could not come get it b/c her kids were there, and it would be too upsetting for them. FH took this and hung up. I said NO WAY, call her back and have her put it on the front steps, we will come by and not bother the kids. So he did that, and she ended up wanting to talk to SD "about the book". 20 minutes later....

But actually the conversation went pretty good. BM told SD she was not mad at her, and BM wasn't mad at anyone, that she didn't object to this, but had wanted SD to stay in her current school, but if FH was ready to be a full time dad, she wouldn't stand in his way. She asked SD if she had a cell phone (SD lied and said no) and asked if she could have the number when she did get one (we'll see how long this sanity lasts before we take THAT step). When we got to BM's house to get the book, she had put EVERYTHING of SD's out on the stoop, I mean, we had barely enough room in the SUV for it all!!! On the one hand, this is kind of sad, I mean, she took down everything off of SD's walls, her CURTAINS, I mean everything, and put it in trash bags. Sort of evicting her, you know? On the other hand, clearly she's not holding the stuff hostage, if she was planning to fight to get her back, why would she give us all the stuff? This was all the stuff we HAD to come get on Friday, and refusing, we still got 2 days later, LOL.... I helped SD go through it all when we got home, and she's got everything either put away, bagged up for good will or her friends, or in a pile to get stored in the attic, done! She's got almost everything she was hoping she'd get back, her DS, her hair straightener, her purse, her books, but for some reason her camera didn't make it back Oh well....

It was sad though, I looked through all her school and medical records, and poor FH, he was totally left off on most of the forms, or listed last after BM's parents on any contact forms for medical and school. In one, she had even written that BM's husband was SD's father Just sad to see a history of him getting treated so badly....

So FH went to work for a half day, b/c he has to take a half day tomorrow to enroll her in school. I'm cautiously optimistic here, that BM truly intends to just let it be though I won't fully relax until the court date comes. I told SD and FH both that I was really pleased with both the tone of BM's email, and her conversation with SD today. I said that I truly hoped that good could come out of this between SD and her mom, and maybe by making this change her mom will start to appreciate her, and the time they spend together when SD visits will be more enjoyable. Maybe BM can start to get to know her daughter for the person that she is, rather than this live in servant that irritates her. I asked SD what she thought and she said pretty much the same, like maybe BM is now realizing she didn't know what she had until it was gone. And honestly everyone, a girl SHOULD be able to have a decent relationship with her mom. I would LOVE it if that was what came out of all this. Due to her remarriage and the new kids and everything, I don't think SD will ever go back there, but if she and her mom can actually learn to enjoy each other, I think that will only benefit SD in the long run.

So there we have it folks, in less than a week we "kidnapped" SD (remember no legal custody was ever determined) pulled her out of school, denied her mom access to her at command, refused to show up when demanded to do so, had dinner with her family, and BM basically rolled over. This may end up being scoring one for the good dads, but it's too soon to call completely!!!!!

And thank you all very much for your ongoing support, speedy answers to my panicked questions, and PMs asking me what's going on. I've really needed the support, and I found it here, so again, thank you so much!!!