Not Rocket Science
DH is in a band (recreational, not his full time job-they do the local bar circuit)-he had practice last night. SS16 has a project due Friday-DH asked SS to work on his project while DH was at practice-I am home.
DH is getting ready to go-SS16 is downstairs playing video games-I say to DH
"You know what is going to happen, right?"
DH goes back downstairs -comes up huffing and puffing a few minutes later-mumbles to me
"Let him fall"
and walks out.
I am sitting there thinking WTF??
I call DH-and calmly say
"DH, why are you so reticent to unplug the kid?-he will do his work, if you take the video games away"
DH calls SS 16 says-no more video games until project is started.
SS says he does not have the tools to do project-DH says "go to the store and get some-but project MUST be started.
Amazingly, SS16 finds everything he needs in the house (remember SS does not DO outside).
SS16 works two full hours and completes project.
And we all lived happily ever after (at least last night)
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Comments
Good for you and DH
Just goes to show working together makes things so much easier,
It's amazing how much gets done when the kids are unplugged, and you have DH support, and good for SS16 too
one project down...3,000 to go!
Quote
No- SS initiate anything-not going to happen with Zip! So much for girlfriends (sigh)
Not sure where I saw this quote-but I saved it as it rang true to me when discussing skid/skids with BF/DH without trying to get DH back up.
"Dad takes any comment on his parenting style or his child's behavior as a direct attack, no matter how the case is presented to him. Also, the comment to deal with it or leave is doing a real disservice to yourself and your children. As a step mom, I can tell you that I have made a lot of sacrifices to maintain my relationship. However, I make those choices day after day after day for the love of my family (yes, I know my role very well). What I expect from my fiance/BF/DH is the same level of trust and love when we discuss his children as I get when we discuss household matters, career decisions, and our relationship. The children and their upbringing are part of the relationship in this case, so they must be discussed between husband and wife. What I am asking of the men here is to concede at least in the hypothetical that yes, maybe there are some things upon which you can improve so that you can be a better father and raise incredible children, and listen to this woman who loves you so much that she is willing to put up with an ex-wife, an ever changing kids schedule, and the acceptance of being a second wife/partner, for a few minutes about her thoughts and concerns on this particular subject".
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I think
Many parents who fall into guilt parenting (and moms do it every bit as much as dads) after a divorce, are working from THEIR own guilt that they have disrupted their child's life, from THEIR insecurity that their child will love them less or be mad at them for this disruption, from a need to compete with the other parent for the "best parent" title, and from a twisted need for their own child's approval. I'm sure there are many other reasons, but these are some that I have heard and witnessed in my own life experience, which is just that and not scientific research.
In Zippy's case-DH seems to NEED Zippy's approval more than anyone else's for whatever reason that is-I think each case is for different reasons-but I notice that one in my case.
Crayon-I think you are right about your BF-"It is an ego thing"-he can and will bend over backwards to support those kids as he gets some sort of pay off for it.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
ha ha!
"In Zippy's case-DH seems to NEED Zippy's approval more than anyone else's for whatever reason that is"
You know the old adage that the meaner you are to a dog the more it will love you (or something to that effect). Maybe you should tell your DH to start kicking Zippy for no reason every time he walks by so that Zippy will love him more and more!!
I could get used to that one!
DH would NEVER do that to his perfect poopsie prince!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
yeah but
I think sometimes DH need just a little push in the right direction, solve a problem now before it becomes a bigger problem
It's more about
Getting DH to "parent" consistently-Zip responds when Dad gets serious (and I want SS to graduate on time, no need to be here any longer than he has to! HA!)
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!