SS16 from hell
Hello everybody! I am new here and am glad I found this platform. I am not sure yet if I just want to vent or actually look for advice... So, all comments are greatly appreciated 
SS16 is a SS from hell! He is lying, stealing, doing drugs, disrespectful, lazy, failing school, being suspended from school every few weeks and thinks he lives in a hotel where everything is provided for free and we accommodate his every wish...
I've been married to DH for 5 years, the BM is not an issue, she's practically non existent. DH has full custody and we don't even know where BM lives/if she is still alive... So at least - no issues there!
We grounded SS16, took away privileges like texting, Xbox, video games, internet, etc. We installed locks on our bedroom door because of the stealing (perfume, jewelery and money were mysteriously disappearing), we went to a family counselor. He doesn't seem to care about any of this.
My biggest issue I guess is that DH is still treating him like he is an angel and is not consequent at all. He yells at SS16 when he's angry and tells him that he is grounded etc, but a day later, everything is forgotten and DH and SS16 are "best buddies" again. We took away his allowance (so he couldn't spend it on drugs) and a few days later when he asks DH for money, he would give him some. We are grounding him, but a few days later when he asks to meet up with friends, DH allows him to go. We set house rules in place, and have to remind SS16 every day about his daily chores. When he refuses to do them, DH just takes it upon himself to do them instead of making SS16 do them.
When confronted, all DH is saying is that he has given up on him, he doesn't care anymore and that he will kick him out once SS16 turn 18.
The latest problem I have is that SS16 decided he didn't want to go to school anymore, but would like to get his diploma online/ in a computer-based school. He is just too lazy to do homework and schoolwork, so he found this computer-based school, where he only has to attend 4 hours a day and no homework/studying: a school for losers! DH has agreed to enroll him and he will start Wednesday. When asked what SS16 is doing with so much more time on his hands (me being worried that he will get in more trouble), DH says that he hasn't thought about that yet, but that is was a good point I brought up.
The last thing I would like to mention here is that one of SS16's friends had called CPS on us claiming that SS16 is emotionally abused because he is always grounded hence good grades, not allowed to take his driver license and had mentioned in 2010 that he wants to kill himself. Now, DH and I have to deal with that CPS bullshit as well.
I am absolutely frustrated and am actually thinking about moving out until SS16 turns 18, then moving back, but I don't want SS16 to "win", because this is exactly what he would like to see happening...
It seems that a large part of
It seems that a large part of the problem is your DH's attitude to boundaries with his son. He has indeed given up and by his "best buddies" policy is giving his implicit approval to the terrible behaviour.
If I were you, I would not be able to cope with this, and would indeed move out. It does not sound like you have much of a life at the moment. I would not really care whether SS sees your moving out as a victory or not, just so long as I got my life back. No-one is really going to win in this situation, but your DH needs to see that his part in it is crucial, and unless he acts like a man instead of an immature little boy, there is not much hope for his family.
@Lilyflower: I have never
@Lilyflower: I have never thought about security cameras... The locks on the bedroom door so far are doing the job for us. I might consider cameras in the future though! Thank Goodness, SS was kind of surprised when CPS showed up at the house and questioned him, so he didn't tell any lies. We are still waiting on hearing back from them. It kills me inside!
@Kes: Thanks for your input! DH and I have been to family counseling, but the focus on these sessions was more on SS's behavior. Might have to consider attending sessions again (for just DH and me).
I find myself disengaging from SS a lot. I hardly talk more than 10 words per day with him. I communicate with our dogs much more frequently than with SS. Everytime he starts talking to me, I get annoyed with what he's saying, how he's saying it or it's that SS's attitude is just driving me completely up the wall.
I don't understand how DH can tell SS hat he loves him and then turns around and tells me that he loves me as well. How can you love two people that absolutely can't stand each other? How can you love someone that hurts the other loved one's feelings and makes their lives miserable every single day? Will never understand...
almost sound like the same
almost sound like the same situation we are in. If you put too much limits they rebel more we learned that the hard way. my ss16 stole his fathers gun sold it got caught w/ weed and having sex. Well my DH had him on lock down.... literally. He went to his BM (i know u said that BM is no issue) said he hates it here and she refused to send him back (no custody she just dropped him off at 10 said its ur turn). Now he will not talk to anyone on this side.............noone!! BUT BM is wanting to send him back but DH is to the point "u made the bed u lie in it" needless to say he's flunking out doing drugs and having sex. He hates his father and i know it hurts my DH (even tho he won't admit it) I know he's stressed about what he's doing.... all i'm saying is be careful or he will shut down completely. It hurts not knowing what your kid is doing.