Apparently I like to cause fights
Hi guys, I joined this group in the hope of getting advice. I'm a firm believer that we mild our kids into what they become. If you raise them to never know conscequences, respect, honest etc, you create a monster.
I say this because my SS16 has been smoking pot for the past at least 6 months that I know of. And I'm the one who keeps busting him (his Dad must be burrying his head very deep)
Each time I tell his dad, My DH, there is a bit of yelling but that's it.
I warned DH one of the guys SS16 is a smoker but was ignored. Apparently it was "his uncle not him" UNTIL I saw them coming out behind my garage carrying a "mix bowl". I rang DH who came home and told SS16 off, throwing at him "your grounded" but that didn't stick. 3 days later he had a mate over.
Apparently I like to cause fights when I trying and discuss my concerns. Even today when asked DH why he told SS16 where our change collection is, especially when he knows SS16 is still smoking (in DH brain he's not again lol I guess) he got pissed off asking why I liked to cause fights. Really?! Cause I'm his SM not his BM I shouldn't express my opinion? But then I should do more for SS16 because I apparently don't do enough. Cooking, washing his clothes, cleaning, sometimes dropping him off. Hmmm go figure!! Lol
Millions of kids are growing
Millions of kids are growing up right now without your help and most of them will turn out just fine. Obviously Daddy does not want your help at least on this one subject. Of course cooking, cleaning and chauffeuring are just fine. Consider not doing any of it. Read the article I've linked below and give it serious consideration. The success stores abound with success being defined as the elimination of stress in a step-family. Remember when its all said and done you have no power and the boy, by winning constantly, has all of it. By disengaging you'll pull that power rug right out from under him. You might be surprised by the change in him when he realizes that you no longer care if he ruins his life.
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
It sounds like your DH needs
It sounds like your DH needs to catch him. And i have been experiencing the same feeling that when ever i express opinion i start an argument. Im definitely learning to pick my battles. Maybe tell your DH youre concerned not so much catching the ss
It's better than him drinking
It's better than him drinking alcohol...but you should definitely be able to express your opinion.
No way is it better than
No way is it better than drinking alcohol, not in the slightest, I would be disgusted if ss did this and dh turned a blind eye. I agree with other poster who suggested that dh needs to catch ss in the act
Welcome to the gateway drug ~
Welcome to the gateway drug ~ it gets worse not better
You cannot say anything even
You cannot say anything even when you are correct because even spouses view us an enemy of their children's happiness.
My husband's kids smoke pot too, and he yells, but then raises their allowance? Great idea, give them more money for a bad habit. Then their mother tells him that they were using money she was leaving for food to buy pot. I said, "well that is stealing." His remark,"no they just re-purposed the money." Yes, that's what he said.
My advice keep your money separate. You can have a shared account, but only deposit your share of things into that account. I do not approve of the manner in which my husband handles finances, so I don't permit my earned money to be put towards the folly of bigger allowances and other expensive things he really cannot afford, but refuses to deny.
I have no other kids. If I
I have no other kids. If I did the cops would have been called already.
I'm stepping back. Already, after taking a step back and knowing SS16 was behind the garage smoking pot, he came undone. I went outside to have a smoke when I could sense what SS16 was doing. DH followed saying "Did SS come outside?" In which I just replied "yes"
After 15 mins of SS being outside I went to the bedroom and heard DH very angrily telling SS off.
I have no other kids. If I
I have no other kids. If I did the cops would have been called already.
I'm stepping back. Already, after taking a step back and knowing SS16 was behind the garage smoking pot, he came undone. I went outside to have a smoke when I could sense what SS16 was doing. DH followed saying "Did SS come outside?" In which I just replied "yes"
After 15 mins of SS being outside I went to the bedroom and heard DH very angrily telling SS off.
I have no other kids. If I
I have no other kids. If I did the cops would have been called already.
I'm stepping back. Already, after taking a step back and knowing SS16 was behind the garage smoking pot, he came undone. I went outside to have a smoke when I could sense what SS16 was doing. DH followed saying "Did SS come outside?" In which I just replied "yes"
After 15 mins of SS being outside I went to the bedroom and heard DH very angrily telling SS off.