BM and the CS check...thoughts please UPDATE2
BF was ordered to pay BM CS starting December 2008. No specific date to pay the CS was stated in the order. The court order came 2/3rds of the way through the month. BM got her first check via her attorney around the 25th. Well, today is the first and BM called BF after we dropped off FSS1 and asked if he had a check for her. BF said no you will get one about the same time as the last one and BM said oh no and hung up on BF. I know a bit about child support and I know in MN that if it is paid in the month it is due that is fine that's per my child support worker. The order does not say it is due on this or that day of the month so IMO BF can send it to her anytime during the month as long as she gets it before the end of the month.
Any thoughts???
UPDATE - BM emailed BF on Friday evening - after business hours - to complain that he had not responded to her requested to pay the support half on the first and the other half on the fifteenth. She said if he does not respond, BM will go to the county on Monday. So BF emailed back, so she would at least get a response - that he would let her know on Monday or Tuesday after he talks to his attorney. The support is not late and if she gets the county to enforce it will cost her money plus I am pretty sure with as over worked and under paid as county workers are and with the large case loads they carry that it will take at least 4 to 6 weeks to get the paper work to the employer and start having the payments sent to her. Once they get the order, the employer has 3 weeks to start sending the payments to the payment center. I need the time to do some research and call her county to see what the procedure is and how long it takes to start getting the support, etc.
UPDATE AGAIN - so I did more research regarding the county doing income withholding and the service does not include serving the employer with the income withholding information. BM would have to do it herself or pay her attorney to do it. I did check with our county which is considerably smaller than BM's and it takes 4 weeks here, at least, to start getting paid. I think it was an idle threat on BM's part. She is just pissed that this is something she cannot control.
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Right
I live in WI and as long as it is paid in full by the last day of the month you are fine. You can pay weekly or once a month, pay it yourself or have it taken out of your paycheck. BM does not get to pick when it is paid.
I don't think
she can do anything about this! I would imagine as long as it's paid every month it would be fine. If the date isn't ordered how could she do anything about it? I think a judge would tell her she's nuts if she bothered to go back to court....and probably make her pay your attorneys fees also.
If she wanted it on the first why didn't she discuss this with him before the first? Are his mind reading skills off whack this month or something? I mean really, how dare him not know?
Never give the BM a check or
Never give the BM a check or money. The courts call that a "gift" and is never counted. then when the kid is 18 the BM can say you never paid and you have to pay "back" child support. If you dont pay threw the court, get it done threw the courts. We paid child support and extra daycare money and we had copies of every check we wrote out to the school and our lawyer said that is considered a gift. if you go to court later they will ask the BM if the BF paid anything, all she has to say is no and you owe her. Like BLM said make a copy of everything incase the BM does say no you can show the courts the checks and catch the BM in a lie. when you pay CS send it to the state. Call the courts that this is all taking place at and talk to your case worker. That should be listed on the paper work you rec'd. Ours has to be mailed out no later than the 11th of the month. (we mail it out on the 9th, that makes the BM so mad because she lives off the child support and calls the courts everyday asking if the child support was posted yet) they told my husband that the BM calls all the time at the first of the month to know if the money as been rec'd. CRAZY!!!! The courts are pretty cool with my husband.
and watch out if the BM of your stepkids is this angry about child support she may take the BF back for more child support at a later time.
GOOD LUCK!!
nope
We mark the check CS for XX month and year plus its court ordered so its not a gift anymore.
Just a thought from the BM side of the CS fence...
Maybe a set date could be discussed and layed down between BF and BM regarding CS payments? When exhusband paid child support (he hasn't in years but for the few years that he did) it made it very difficult for me when he didn't pay it at a set day every month.
I don't know the situation with your BM. But, I was working two job, raising our two girls, and barly scrapping by every month. I relied on his child support to help cover a portion of my utility bills and it really hurt me and the kids when he didn't pay it at a regular time or when he said he would. Many times I had to work extra hours for tips to put food in the house because I had to dip into my grocery budget to cover a bill because he didn't pay his child support when he said he would.
It just really hurt our kids in the long run...Like I said I don't know your situation..I just know how much havoc it reeped in my household when CS didn't come in and I didn't know when or if it was coming in.
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
I see your point but...
BM is taking care of 2 households including rent on one and 2 mortgages on the other plus her Jaguaer payment, her vactions, getting her nails done, her gym membership that she does not use, her weekly massages, etc, etc, etc so BM is not in need of the money except to pay for her lifestyle.
One of "those"
Ahhhhhh...one of "those" BM's. I've known about many situations like this one also. Where the "BM" makes more money than or has herself a rich to well off new husband. In the mean time the BD is struggling to make ends meet...These kinda BM's just want CS to stick it to the ex and make their life harder. I'm sorry to hear that you have one of "those" BM's..
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities.~ disgusted
I'm from MN
why is he paying her direct? ( if i'm understabding you correctly) My DH pays the state and then it is documented and then sent to her. my DH follows his payments on line every month AND prints it off for himself. Also in MN I have heard they (the state) take money out for there services. My SS mom looses 500.00 a year ( DH of coarse pays that to )
In fact she just got pissy with him 2 days ago saying he was 1600.00 behind. his statement said 450.00. shows how much they pay attention.
I think MN laws suck. You are right, there is no spicific DATE in which this needs to be paid by. go threw the state,do not pay her direct.
Actually
The cost for getting CS services through MN is about 15 bucks a month that the payor has to pay. So it is cheaper for BF to pay BM. Plus he sends the check to her attorney so he sees it to so there is not doubt it was sent and it costs her a bit in attorneys fees to get the check.
What????
What??? Thats crazy! In the state of California it's free or at least it used to be when I lived there and was collecting child support.
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
WI
My husband's CS always came directly out of his check. He had no control of it at all.
Dont give her the check.... You will regret it.
It would be a better idea to pay the money through the courts. My DH BM wants her money on the first of the month. All of it. Almost 1000 on the first. Well, my DH explained to her that our bills are due as well. She is a teacher and gets paid good money as well with her certifications. But has emailed him that it is not fair to her - to have to pay out her money for her daughter's half of the bills, rent, water, lights, cable, insurance etc at the first of the month. That is his job.
Good one huh? How do you charge a 5 year old those things. Needless to say - he pays her every two weeks, himself through the division of child support enforcement. She still fusses but the courts can not do anything about. It is not late until the 1st of the next month.
BUT MY MAIN ADVICE IS - TO DO NOT PAY IT DIRECTLY TO HER. SHE WILL LIE IN COURT. THE CRAZY ONES ALWAYS DO.
County CS divison
I went through the CS divison too. After months of him not sending the CS when he said he would I went through them to insure that he sent the full amount at a set time. What I liked about it is that THEY dealt with my ex husband and CS I didn't have too. Just one less thing that I had to deal with him over..
The only problem with them going through the CS is that it could back fire on them and result in an increase in child support ect.
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
its not court ordered that way
BF is ordered to pay BM directly. If we went through CS enforcment, by the time all the paperwork was done and the first check was sent in BF would be at least a month behind. No need to add fuel to the fire. BM and BF start the custody evaluation process shortly so the more BF abides by the court order, to the letter, the better. Plus, it looks good for BF that he does not have to be "forced" (bad word) to pay his support, he does it willingly and he sends the check to her lawyer and he has to forward it on to BM so it costs her too.
BF never look good in court
BF never look good in court. now that i have seen there side, it is rough.
good luck to you and the BF, stay strong
I think 90% of child support should go into an account so when the child gets old enough then they have the money that was ment for them.
I give props to all the moms working and trying to make it on there own but the ones that abuse the CS and don't work and wait for the money to spend the CS on themselves. :sick:
and I give props to all the stepmoms out there writing the checks.
It isn't "for" the children...
I agree with you about those lazy BM's out there. Frankly, their are alot of BM's out there that are just lazy peices of cah cah..The ones on welfare who won't work and spunge off the state and want the state and their ex to pay their way through life. I even know of some BM's that used their CS check to buy their drugs, alcohol, and cigerettes for the month! Now thats disgusting!!!!
On the flip side, I know some decent and hard working BM's that rely on the CS to help pay their rent and utilities. To put the money in an account for the children would only result in financial hardship for the custoidal household, therefore, for the children. If the custodial household has to struggle to provide basic needs then that is hurting the children. In my case no CS meant less groceries or not being able to pay the utility bills.
I recall one time my ex husband freaked out because I bought a new pair of work shoes with a portion of the CS and he said "that is meant for the children, not you." Well, the reason that I had to use a portion of the CS is because the money I had set aside to buy new work shoes for work was spent on the Utility bill when his CS didn't come in at the appointed time.
He even complained to "the court" about it and the judge said,
"the purpose of CS is for assisting the custodial parent in maintaining the stability and provisions of the household in which the children predominatly live. It isn't "for" the children. It's "for" the custodial parent to assist them in predominatly caring for the children and meeting their needs. And,Mr. xxx that includes your ex wife buying herself a new pair of work shoes or even taking the kids to Disney land with your CS payment"!
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
Yes I am...
I am a BM who puts my kids needs first. They have the basics - food, clothing, shelter, school supplies, etc - and much more that I ever did as a kid and for the most part they appreciate what they have and what they get. I have used CS to pay for things for me but that is only because I had to spend money I made for things that CS should have helped with when the CS does not get paid due to the loss of a job on the NCP part or whatever.
Why does BM feel that the
Why does BM feel that the dad should pay for her rent/mortgage, food , power. Doesn't the father have to pay these things also,and say the dad does get his kids 2,3, or 4 days. when the kids are with him he spends money on them at that time also. Plus a father that covers medical. I know moms have a hard time but so do the fathers. I saw one post that a dad paid 3,000 for ONE KID! WOW. and if the dad does move on and has other children with his new wife think of the money he has to spend then. I don't know how some father can live. I can understand taking the kids to DIsney world because it's for the kids, but no offence, why do you feel your ex owes you a new pair of shoes. He's the one that works to pay for CS where's his new shoes.
I;m sorry but I think CS should be for the Child if it wasnt it would be called wife support also known as alimony.
"When you add it up it’s a whole lot of money. Much much more then we spend on the child that lives full time in our home. "
and is that fair to the child that does live with you full time. NO, Why do BM make there kid go to private school, make the dad pay for it, and then his child that lives with him all the time, can't afford to send him to a fancy school let alone pay for his school lunch.
Yeah there is a lot of BM mom's that don't party and do work hard for things but to think the dad owes you. owes you for what. you both made the kid why should one have to go down for it while the other rises.
I would complain to the court too! and that Judge, joke!
my two cents on this
My DH pays CS that is court ordered. It comes directly out of his pay check. They have joint custody, but since she is a lazy jerk and does not work we than pay ....and pay we do! The kicker is the BM< hardly ever (almost) never has the SD. It sucks. But i have my way of messing with her. SInce I do the book work at my husbands job. What i do is pay her weekly for a while (let her get used to it) then Wammo...I then pay monthly. HEHE...nothing she can do , as long as we pay by end of month. Freaks her out. Currently we are trying to get full custody with EOW visistation...hopefully then the amount will go down. But Im not holding my breath.
Also she does not buy SD a thing..for her birthday she got nothing. SHe hasnt bought clothes, shoes, anything for the child. But BM gets her nails done and hair and tanning..all that crap. SO i know the $$ does not go to SD
boy i dont miss those days
DH used to pay BM directly for CS. and we get paid twice a month--the 15th and the last day of the month. so DH paid her on the 15th. well, if teh 15th didnt fall on a visitation day (we used to have SD every mon and thurs too), she would be calling. "wheres my check? can i get it early? i need it today. i'll come get it." blah blah blah. never had a date in the papers so he could have paid her at any time during that month.
now its garnished from his wages like a deadbeat dad. never missed a payment but it works out for us bc we dont have to deal w her bs, at least not regarding cs.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Payroll deduction is the way to go IHMO.
My Wife receives CS for my SS from BioDad. After 1994 all CS orders were mandated to be collected by direct payroll deduction withheld by the NCP's employer. At least in OR. That was a much better situation for my Wife than the inconsistent amounts and times she would receive CS prior to court ordered direct payroll deductions.
BD was pissed about direct withholding but that was due to the fact that prior to direct payroll withholding his Mommy and Daddy were paying his CS for him. When the court implemented direct payroll withholding Daddy quit paying BioDad's CS for him.
With direct withholding the NCP does not run the risk of getting in trouble for non payment and the CP has a steady and timely CS stream.
I believe that some states take a small amount of the CS payment to administrate the program so there may be some impact on the actual dollars received by the CP is direct withholding is implemented.
For the NCP direct withholding provides absolute record of what has been paid. Anything beyond direct withholding paid directly to the CP would be a gift since any changes to CS would be adjusted in the amount withheld from payroll.
Best regards,
I totally agreee about payroll deduct!
My H use to pay BM directly with a check and a receipt signed and never fail she would be asking on Monday where her money was for the upcoming Friday. H was never later no missed a payment. At first he paid her cash and she signed a receipt and she just kept up all her crap that he started giving her a check and when she cashed them at his bank they charged her $5 to cash and she told H he needed to start including the extra $5 in the payment... H said uhhh I don't think so deposit the check into your account I cannot help you cannot cash at your bank due to you do not have enough money in your account to cover it. Well when we filed for custody modification her was to get back at H was to put it through the state. At first we were upset about it as H does excavating and works for a small business where it is the only the owner and him on full time payroll and the owner's wife does the books and we hated for her to have to hassle with this but they are such wonderful people and think the world of H that they told us not to worry they would handle. So his employer started paying and boy howdy we LOVE LOVE IT! no more Monday's of where's my money not where's the child support but where is my money. At first she called and harass H about did he pay yet and he told her to talk to the state and since there has been no more calls. What I did not get though is that she signed statement to state stating that H was current on his child support obligation and the state started payroll deduct within like 3 weeks of her calling. We live in TN and we were under impression it had to be reviewed to see if the BM really needed state services. The state is so hateful and treats H like a deadbeat bum dad each time he calls and that pisses him and I off cause there are some real good dads out there. Well come to find out we are pretty certain that BM owed the state money from when she was on Familys First and they wanted their repayment so they gladly garnish H wages. It is made out though like H has to be forced to pay his child support and that is so not the case. Another thing about what the child support goes for I agree that some should try to be saved for the kid at least in our case. We supply summer clothes, fall school clothes and winter school clothes for both homes, pay for 1/2 or all of ss activities, pay for all school supplies, cover medical, dental, and vision ins(ss wears glasses and vision ins is not req)then we pay 1/2 of all non covered medical expenses, we have him about 40% of the year my question is H does all this help for BM to take care of SS well who helps H pay the mortgage at his house and the utilities at his house and the gorcery bill for SS growing appetite....nobody does. Now I have several friends who have deadbeat baby dads and they deserve every penny they get from the low lifes but I stand by the fact that mortgage/rent, utilities you would have even if there were no child. We could raise ss for cheaper than what we pay. Also if BM put $140 with H $140 a week that would more than cover SS portion of everything at BM house plus some left over yet who helps cover ss portion at H house??? nobody. Anyway back to my original point making H pay through the state is the best gift BM ever gave us. I tell H he needs to thank her for that cause she thinks it pisses him off.
We send the check
BF sends the check to BM's lawyer so he can see it too. A agree that income withholding is a good idea but in this case BF would have been behind by the time withholding started. In MN the employer has up to 3 weeks to start taking the CS and 2 weeks after that 2 mail it. My brother's CS from his wife - yes she pays but not much - started in November and he just got his first payment last week. Bf wants to follow the temp order to the letter and not ever be behind on support and not miss any parenting time etc.
My husband has a
certain amount taken out of each check & deposited in her checking account each pay period. My stupid husband & his even stupider ( or merely evil) ex wife ignored the fact that he gets 3 pay checks twice a year. So the first year she got an extra 750.00 the second year he figured it out after the fact & she just deducted it off his daycare costs, no geez I am sorry or mention about the previous year. The last month this happened she wrote us a check. I had DH email her yesterday because it's 3 checks this month, because she is such a no it all I told him, tell her that you get a check the 1st, 15th & 29th, which one does she wish to reimburse us with. Otherwise she would have just responded with I know, even when she didn't.
So miss know it all responds back with in the past I have paid you back on the last one, will that not work this time as well. She always has to be condesending no simple yes or no, I would have like to have responded back with a comment like " since you have screwed us more than you have paid us just pick a date bitch & write a check"
I offered to just give her the whole 750.00 at the first of each month to avoid this from happening, but she wants to keep in this way.
10 more years & it is over, yeah!!!
For people with 26 pay periods per year they usually make them =
In my experience, for businesses that pay on a bi-weekly payroll (26 pay periods per year) the annual CS amount is divided in to 26 equal parts and withheld at the rate of 1/26th per pay period.
This is usually the system in place that results in three pay checks in a single month 3x per year.
You may want to check with your DH's company to see if they can just divide the annual amount of CS by the # of pay periods rather than setting a fixed amount that may result in over or under payment of CS.
If DH's employer can do this it will eliminate the 3x per year money conversation that you currently have to have with the XW.
I have several employees who are on payroll withholding for their CS obligation and they have very little trouble with how it works. Some of my work force is on weekly payroll (52 pay periods per year - Hourly Employees) and others are on bi-weekly payroll (26 pay periods per year - Staff Employees). This method works equally well for both situations.
The key is to have the court give you an annual CS total amount so that payroll can set up the with-holdings correctly.
Another advantage to this method is that CS withholding does not go up if DH gets a raise. In order for the CS installments withheld by payroll to go up the CP has to go back to court for a review of support and the judge has to issue an official statement increasing CS which then has to be given to payroll.
Best regards,
That's why i am glad
even though DH's child support is court ordered. He pays through the division of child support enforcement - BUT he pays it himself.
It is not taken out of his check. He always pays on time and has never been late.
AND we do know for a fact that the BM uses the majority of the money on herself.
Her dumb azz told us this past summer. My DH gets her for a month right now.... AND we still sent her the money on time and we had to put her in daycare here.
She then told us when we were taking her back that she went to Jamacia during that June.... and said the check came in handy.
I think she said it to add injury to insult. But we already know she spends the money on herself. That as no surprise.