We managed to convince BM to allow us to take SD on Christmas day, b/c FH and I were traveling to MA to be with my family, who adore SD, and we wanted to bring her. BM requests that we not pick SD up until 10:00 am so they can have "family time" christmas morning. Threw a bit of a crimp in our plans, but okay, we made it work. So at 10:00 am on the dot, we pull up to SD's house. She comes out a moment later, and we cheerfully greet her, say merry christmas, etc. We ask her how her morning was and she says she spent it alone. Yup, BM and her brat squad didn't bother getting up, and were still in bed at 10:00 am when it came time for SD to leave!!! SD was up at 6:00 am, no one else. Apparently when we arrived and called, BM woke up and said "you're not leaving yet are you?" SD said yes, it's 10:00!

Fastforward through the day, it was a long one, but enjoyable. SD got a handmade scarf from my mom in her favorite color, which she loved. We drive the 2.5 hours back to Ct to our place, and open a huge pile of presents. SD got a bunch of clothes, a board game, 2 games for her DS, a game for her playstation, socks and gloves with two of her favorite characters on them, a couple of DVDs, snow boots, art supplies, a bunch of cool pens, and a rolling craft organizer full of all things needed to start scrapbooking specifically put together by stepmom. All total, I would say about $450 dollars was spent, but that's really not the point. The point is that some of the things we bought for her were under $30, but more than anything, reflected who she is, celebrated her interests and hobbies, and generally appreciated her! SD was thrilled, loved everything, and generally was very pleased.

So the next day BM calls and wants to know when SD is coming home. BM then completely out of the blue, offers SD the option of staying through Sunday if she wants to, her normal visitation. SD thinks about it, and tells us that her mom will guilt trip her if she stays, so she needs to go back to her moms for at least a few hours. FH says no, I'm not dropping you off there for a few hours and then coming back, so we'll just drop you and come get you at the normal time on Sat.

I was really upset about this, and frustrated. After all we go through with this custody crap, SD wanting to come and live with us, etc. She won't stand up to her mom on such a small thing. After all the effort I put in to her gifts, (and yes ladies it was 90% me, paying for it too) I just really wanted to see something out of it. She said to me while her dad was in the shower "I really wish mom wouldn't make me feel so bad for wanting to stay here" And I said "hunny I know it's easier said than done, but no one can MAKE you feel anything, they only can do that if you let them." "Try to remember when she's making you feel bad that it's wrong to manipulate people that way, and she should feel bad for doing that to you." I also told her that it makes it really difficult for her dad and I when she makes a decision like this because the next time the custody issue comes up, her mother will throw it in our face as proof that SD really doesn't want to be with us b/c "given the option she'll come back to my house instead of spending an extra day with you!"

FH also said she probably wanted to see what she got from her mom for christmas. Apparently they're doing better financially this year (yeah right) so SD might get something other than a 10 hair straightener.

Okay, stepmom sucks it up, insists on being taken out to dinner }:) and off we go to drop off SD.

Sat comes, and we get SD again. She informs us that her mom got her minimuffins (a couple of those snack packs) a candy cane with M&Ms in it, pink disposable razors, and a $25 gift certificate to Walmart. As far as I can tell, a $30 Christmas. I am horrified!!!!! Not because she only spent $30, but because none of the things she was given reflect ANYTHING about SD, appreciate nothing about her, NOTHING to make her feel special or loved. Indeed, they're pretty much all afterthought "I'm in the checkout lane at Walmart" items!!!!!" And this woman has the audacity to say SD is her LIFE???

I asked SD yesterday how she felt about it and she said it made her feel awful. I guess there were a bunch of presents under the tree but none had labels, so she thought some might be for her. Nope, they were all for the other two kids, and BM and her husband. Clothes, games, toys, none for her though. SD's all were in her stocking. Yup, it doubled as that as well. BM is such a pathetic excuse for a human being. With a $30 budget, I could have STILL given SD a wonderful, thoughtful christmas. It REALLY is not about the money, though we were lucky enough to have more to spend. It's about knowing your child, loving them enough to take an interest in what they're doing and celebrating them. I bought her a french tutorial game for her DS system b/c she's having trouble in French. It cost $20, and the girl played it for hours over the weekend. I swear, some day I am going to tell this woman exactly what I think of her. Poor SD, at least she has us....