The Art of Disengaging...
There has been alot of talk of disengaging on the board and I think its a very valuable topic to discuss...I have gone back to disengaging since DH returned from a 15 month tour in IRAQ four weeks ago and then began to undermine me with Step brat...Yep, I kept her here with me for the duration of the 15 months tour only to have him begin stripping me of my authority and respect or critisizing the little things that he feels that I "didn't do right" with her while he was gone...I enjoy disengaging because it tends to "stick it" to DH in a matter that isn't negative...
I went out to dinner and a movie with a friend of mine last night and got home at about 9:00 pm...As usual, I didn't even get two steps through the door or get to even take off my coat, put my purse away, or my left over box in the fridge before the "bombardment" began with..."SB needs to print out something for a home work assignment that is due tomorrow and I can't get the printer to work." ....(Sounds to me like their problem..Not mine..) Did any one ask me if I had a good time or if the movie was good, ect? NOPE...
I ignored all of it until I had put my stuff away and changed into comfortable clothes... Of course, he wants me to spend a half an hour or so trying to fix the printer....My DD chimes up and says she has an assingment due next week and needs the printer also, had DD not needed it I wouldn't have lifted a finger to get it working..The printer wasn't even plugged into the electrical outlet... :? There was no paper in the printer..Yet, according to him he tried to "fix it" but "couldn't get it to work"...Sure he did...In truth, he pushed the on button and when it didn't turn on he opted to leave it for me to deal with because he didn't want too...Anyway, when I get it turned on it only prints blank pages because it's outta black...
DH then wants me to try to switch it around so that Step brats homework can be printed out in color...And then he wants me to print it out for her...Were is step brat?? Unstaires sleeping....I told him that I had made other plans and that I don't "have time" to do all of that...He wakes up Step Brat to show him what she needs printed on the computer and tells her "I will figure it out honey and place it on your dresser". Of course the lazy little thing heads right back up staires to bed... I immediatley went upstaires to watch tv to leave HIM to worry about her assignment and how she was going to get it printed out..He couldn't get it to print so had to put it on a memory stick for her so she could take it to school and print it out..LOL...His kid...His memory stick...His problem...
Ummmmm...she knew about this assignment for two weeks...She shouldn't have waited until the day before it was due to get it printed or let DH know she needed something printed out...Furthermore, I am having no part of allowing HER Homework to become MY problem or in allowing him to make HER homework my problem while her lazy little butt is upstaires sleeping...
I was pretty pround of myself because he obviousley made every attempt to make the situation "MY PROBLEM" not him or step brats...I enjoy handing their problems back to them...I will giggle my self silly if Step Brat looses his memory stick while she is at school!!!
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Didn't that just feel so great!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Wish that would work for me, here. If I had the same scenerio, H would just go out and buy a new printer for SD17. I know him-that's exactly what he would have done. And then I'm the one who would get chewed out because there's less in the checking account because he had to buy the printer! I know, because similar has happened (re: I got "No more spending" from H the DAY he bought the matchy matchy shoes for SD17 & Himself).
Keep it up, girlfriend. So glad it worked for you!
Perfect Example!
That was wonderful! Does DH ever catch on when you do this?
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
still waiting
disengaging too about thanksgiving, his kids will be here this evening to start their vacation with us..weee
but guess what NO food in the house yep guess what Miss Fix it has become Miss I dont give a damn if anybody has T-day dinner.
My kids are going out of town, I am not crazy about thanksgiving..(too many bad memories) so why should I bust my ass to organize HIS kids T-day meal.
to be continued....
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
This oughta be good.
Can't wait to see how this turns out. I know if it were me I would probably breakdown and fix the most rage-filled, T-day dinner imaginable.
Good luck!
Let us know, Sarahb
how things turn out for you!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Good for you!!!
LOL.. I love it!! I really wish that I could be a fly on the wall at your house this T giving!! Had DH said anything to you about there not being food in the house or T giving dinner? If they say something to you I would just refer them to their father!! Let us know how this one pans out!!
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities.~ disgusted
I got great news-it keeps getting better
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
H called. SD17 has to work on Sat., so will not be spending Friday nite here. So, if she & SD13 arrive on Thurs. am, eat, and hopefull go to H's sisters Thurs. pm, they will only spend the nite Thurs.
Then, if all goes well, H will get called to work Friday as he is on call. There would be no possible reason for the leeches to hang here on Frid. if H is gone...and my son and I can enjoy our home.
Thank you God
I will keep my fingers crossed for you BW
that your Thanksgiving wishes come true!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Good For You!
DH would be screaming that I didn't care about SD. I've just about disengaged with her. She constantly makes fun of me and wonders why I can't make pies like Aunt Sue. Aunt Sue has a huge kitchen and no kids. She works part time and gets off at 2pm. She runs home and makes dinner for my husband's brother.
I told DH what SD said to me. I also told him I watched Sue kneading dough, kill a bug with her hand and go right on kneading the dough. I almost got sick. Needless to say, I didn't eat anything she made. She did not even wash her hands. I thought DH would be mad at me but he wasn't. All he kept saying was "I know she (SD) doesn't treat you nice." If he knows, why doesn't he do something about it?
Aunt Sue (my husband's sister-in-law) likes to run everything. If you suggest something, she'll go with something else. I used to have Xmas Eve dinner at my house. Before her gastric bypass she was 340 and couldn't barely walk. She and my brother in law dropped in and did not stay. The next year she wanted the Xmas Eve party at her house. Same with Thanksgiving. I have it at my house and everyone is welcome. I always had my family and my husband's family over. Aunt Sue came one year, stayed about an hour and left. Next thing you know she is inviting everyone to her house the following year and every year after that. She even called SD & SS and invited them over (never asking to speak with us). I thought she really had some nerve. She hasn't known them that long at all. DH & I were already married when she met my brother-in-law.
I'm a creative type and bought snow globes last year for each family member. I got photos and put them in the globes. Everyone loved them. My brother-in-law and my other in-laws thought they were wonderful. They were the talk of the party. Funny, but Aunt Sue didn't say one word to me about them, even after my brother-in-law looked her directly in the eye and said he loved the gift. She just walked away. I was crocheting something and I showed it to everyone. Next thing you know, Aunt Sue takes up crocheting and crochets everyone an afghan for Christmas. What in the world is it with her?
I also wanted to say that before Aunt Sue got her dishwasher, she'd let the dishes sit in the sink for days. She doesn't clean her house, etc. I figured that I'd quit while I was ahead. SD thinks it's one big party with Aunt Sue because she takes them camping once a year. Maybe SD should go live with her.
One of these days I'll get guts like you did with your "printer" episode. I'm getting there.
yournotmyrealmom
Yeck! She killed a bug and went right on kneading
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Hope her pies don't ruin her gastric bypass!
That's a good one!
I like that. Thanks.
yournotmyrealmom