List appeared on the fridge--F has not mentioned it
As some of you know, BM is expecting, and in the last few weeks F (and me by proxy) have been called on more and more to pick up BM's slack shuttling SD around, including thanksgiving day. (not our day, not our problem in my book, but F doesn't see it that way)
Anyway, SD was here over the weekend, and this morning I noticed a list appeared on the fridge of dates and times, starting in Dec (when BM is due). They are EVERY DAY, and unlike when I was in school and after school activities were just that, AFTER SCHOOL, here events start at 6:00 pm, and go until 7:00 or 7:30. This means that F (or me) will have to leave the house, drive to BM's town, pick up SD, driver her to her practice, then drive around for an hour or an hour and a half, pick her up, take her back to BMs then drive back to our house. GRRRRRR.....
Right now I'm leaning towards not confronting F about this, to see what he says to me. As I have stated "not our day, not our problem" in my book, but F doesn't see it that way. F works late Mondays and Thursdays, so I can tell you right now, he's gonna ask. WHY this kid can't ever get a ride with someone else, I don't understand either.
grrrrrrr......
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oh and I forgot to say,
oh and I forgot to say, basically this means 2 less hours every single night that F and I get to spend together, it's not fair!
The custodial parent should schlep the kid to and from practice.
Don't get me wrong. SS has always lived with us and I have driven countless thousands of miles schlepping him around to this practice or that dance, etc..... That is what parents do.
But, in your case I would go with the the kid does not live in my home so I am not responsible for the kids transportation to regular, routine or daily activities perspective.
We take the SS everywhere and we get him to the airport on time for his 3x per year visitation trips. The morons on the other end miss the plane frequently. It would be great if they were here to be kid taxi service. It would take a lot of pressure off of my wife and I. But, the kid would never make it anywhere on time if that were the case.
When the dates arrive I would just call BM and tell her you have plans and wont be able to schlep the kid. People have more than one kid all of the time and they make it work. Have BM do the car seat thing and care for her oldest child. She chose to have the second kid and that kid is not your or DHs problem. You, DH and the Skid should not be put out because the XW/BM chose to bless the planet with more of her offspring.
IMHO of course.
Good luck and best regards,
Actually Rags, this is her
Actually Rags, this is her third kid, the second is 3. The soon to be born spawn is reportedly breach too, so she'll be completely off her feet (not much of a change truth be told) after the birth. As it is, BM has no business having another child. She does not work, they are on state health which they lied to get using SD as part of their needy family even though SD is on F's insurance. She says her house is falling down and there's no money to repair it, refuses to fill SD prescriptions b/c she'd have to pay the 10 copay if she did. She feeds her family crap b/c they have no money for groceries/she can't cook, SD sleeps on a single mattress on the floor of her room. Oh but they have cable TV of course! yup, sounds like a situation that desperately needs another mouth to feed huh???
My F and I would LOVE to marry and have a baby, but we can't afford it. I would rather not have a child than raise them in destitution. This is an intelligent choice. Quite beyond the BM here. My F naively thinks that this is gathering evidence, that somehow he'll some day be able to run down a list of all these dates and times ans say "look these are all the occasions BM was too busy and I had to save the day." That would mean actually taking her to court though, which I'm slowly starting to think he won't ever do without me marching shotgun style behind him every step of the way. I care a lot for my SD, but I'm getting really tired of fighting so hard for a child that is not mine.
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
NS - this is not your
NS - this is not your problem hun - let the BM and your DH worry about transporting their kid around!!
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
I feel like it is though,
I feel like it is though, being homebound myself due to my injury and being out of work, I get kinda crazy here all day alone. From 5-10 is all the time I have with my F, and most of the time with anyone. It makes me angry that BM is infringing on that limited time. I mean, we'll go together at least a few times and use it as an excuse to go out to dinner or christmas shopping or something, but beyond that...
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Not your custody day- not your problem
BM is expecting. Ok. is there a "Mr. BM"?
Does she have a family?
Why are YOU expected to pick up the slack for her just because "She's expecting"
And then, Northern, do you know what happens next....
The "new list" appears on the fridge for activities for you to drive SD to because BM can't drive her. And why?
"Because she has a NEW BABY!"
Oh yeah, we've been there before. It's all of out laziness, selfishness, and the fact that BM KNOWS you will bail her ass out each and every time. Why should she have to find alternative arrangements on her day when Northern and her DH will GLADLY do it for her! (sacrcasm out!)
Put your foot down and say "NO" or it will never stop.
And if DH doesn't want to grow a pair, then that's his problem. I realize that it takes away from "your family time", but if you want him to stop, I have other suggestions for you as well.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
oh yes, there's a MR. BM,
oh yes, there's a MR. BM, but BM has made it very VERY clear to F (with Mr.BM yelling his fat mouth in the background) that SD is not MR.BM's responsibility. I believe his exact words were (now mind you this is in front of SD) "SHE'S NOT MY KID AND I'M NOT DOING A DAMNED THING!" Nice huh?
This whole thankgiving fiasco is just one illustration of that. BM told F to cancel his plans to visit my family with me to get up thanksgiving morning, drive to BM's town, pick up SD, drive her maybe mile and a half to her football game, and then be on call so that when the game ended he could come back, and drive her back to BMs. Nt like they were going anywhere, or having people over or even cooking thanksgiving dinner! MR.BM could not be bothered to drive SD a mile and a half. And F agreed.....:jawdrop:
I've already been suckered into this once. Took SD to the orthodontist one day when BM had a Dr. appt. I did it for SD, the poor kid has had braces for 6 yrs, in part b/c BM cancels the appts more often than she keeps them, and so SD doesn't get them tightened as regularly as she should.
F and my anniversary is Friday, and I'm going to try to talk to him then. Approach it less from the "don't give in to that troll!" and more from "I know we both feel like we don't get as much time together as we'd like, and I'm worried that this will take even more time away from each other." See how that works I guess...
At least gas is cheaper, and all this shuttling won't ruin christmas...
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Here's the thing...SD is NOT
Here's the thing...SD is NOT your F's responsibility if its not one of his visitation days. She is BM's responsibility. Therefore it needs to be HER to find a replacement...as in HER family or HER friends or HER husband. She can say SD is F's responsibility all she wants, but if its not his days, then NO SHE'S NOT!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
EXACTLY!!!!
"She can say SD is F's responsibility all she wants, but if its not his days, then NO SHE'S NOT!"
I copied Melis' words because I so whole-heartedly agree with them!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
I said the exact same thing,
I said the exact same thing, in fact its my new mantra, but he won't listen, apparently her screaming gets through to him more.
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
I agree with both of the above!
I know you are not working, but you did have surgery, and cannot possibly be expected to do for a child that isnt yours. I know you love her, but if you dont set boundaries now, you will be sorry later.
I hate it though, b/c if I
I hate it though, b/c if I refuse, then F will still do it, just leave his work, drive at breakneck speed over there, and rush back again, hoping to not get in trouble. It's so stressful to him, I just can't put him through that....
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Oh heck no!
I am sorry but there has got to be someone else. My sisters daughters have practices and after school things like that and they all help each other. My sister will take her daughters and pick up other girls and on other days the other parents will do the same. When it is a team thing, usually coaches give a list of all the numbers of coaches and teamates so other team members won't miss practice or games or after school activities. I think (and this is just me) they would rather inconvenience you than to ask someone else. And does this BM have no friends or other family?? Unless this girls teammates, friends, clasmates, what have you, really dislike her, I don't see why they wouldn't give her a ride.
BM's very hellbent on SD
BM's very hellbent on SD being F's responsibility, refusing to let her family do anything for SD saying "NO, he has to" It's all power and control.
As far as the other kids, unfortunately, that is kind of the situation. SD is the odd man out, (one of the reasons she doesn't want to do it) and none of her friends from last yr made the team this yr, so she is alone. Still, she certainly KNOWS the other girls, and BM COULD, if she wanted, arrange it, but why would she, F just sucks it up. I kind of want to say to SD "can't you get a ride with anyone else?" It's not exactly a huge town. But this issue has not been brought up to me yet, so there's not much I can say....
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Not your problem
I wouldn't lift a finger to do any of the taxi servicing...
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted step mom