My hubby and I were both married before and both have kids from those marriages.

Our kids have photos of our ex's in the room. It's natural for kids to want to see their parents and we allow that in their own space.

In terms of old wedding/dating photos, they're stored away. I don't like looking at his ex and he does't like looking at mine. Sometimes the kids ask to look at them that thats ok- that's why we're keeping them. I think that its good for kids be to able to see their parents happy at one point. When my parents divorced, it was comforting for me to see them happy at least once.

in their own space that is fine- my photos are stored away for my sons to take with them one day to their own homes, at one time I did love their dad and they were concieved in love and they need to know that and if pictures help then I am all for it.
My FH mom has pics of his ex but she is keeping them for his BD to take with her. she loved her mom and dad together and if having those gives her some happiness then I am ok with it.

SD has pics of her mother in her room, and that is perfectly fine with me. Its her mother, and its her room. SS5 doesn't and not sure he would in the future, but same goes for him. I would not allow pics of H and BM together though, because they are not, and that is not something that the kids needs to be seeing on a daily basis, it just nurtures the "if only they were back together" thoughts.

Now..when I moved in with H, there were pics around the house in boxes and such of BM, some with him, some with the kids, but none were out in plain sight. We moved into a new home last year, and when we did I went through all of the pics and pulled out the ones of them together and threw them away..and any with the kids I gave to the kids to do with as they pleased. His grandparents still had pics of them together in thier house and I pointed it out to H(he had never paid enough attention to notice)..he went and took them out of the frames the next time he was there.

Now..on another note regarding these sorts of things. Men do not THINK like we do. I doubt that most men even notice half of the pictures on the walls let alone notice who is really in them. I read a book recently called "The Proper Caring and Feeding of Husbands" BUY IT. Its well worth reading. The fact of the matter with my DH is that he had never bothered to take the time to look for all of the things they had together. Had he done that he would have definetly thrown a lot away, but it just didnt occur to him.

And don't get me wrong, it does not lessen that little twang in your stomach when you come across something that you really feel he should have taken care of, but to know that he really just doesn't see things the same way you do should help keep from getting angry.

My FH and I talked about old pictures with ex's and he said he didn't mind if I kept mine and told me he would like to keep his stored away if I didn't mind. I told him "Nah." He's never dragged them out and poured over them, so I have no problem with it. I've never seen a picture of them together. Not out at MIL's or his house. He does have an aunt who I'm very good friends with who has picture collages all over her dining room. There's one pic of BM by herself pregnant with the youngest in the hundreds of photos there. There are several of me. It bothered me when I first saw it, but I know how his aunt feels about her (pure disdain) so I'm assuming it's just a reminder that because we love the kids, she's sort of part of the family whether we like it or not.

H was supposed to have taken care of all that before I moved in...uh huh yeah right. I found her crap still in cabinets and their pics, etc. Not even to be nosy...I mean you open the thing to get out a roll of t.p. and there's her brush and some of her troll-gel...yuck! Same with pics. I noticed one of the little family on the mantle which H didn't realize was there (um hum sure!). So he cuts her outta it and leave it there--way way creepy if you ask me.
Mostly I have said this...please go through "your" house (that you shared with her for 13 years ---but I'm not bitter or anything) and remove any traces of her...pics, stuff, etc. He supposedly has done this but his removal methods suck. I found her new-looking winter coat in my living room closet. So I dumped chlorox cleanup on it (oopsie!lol)and threw it in the trash. And I was cleaning other things that day so there was garbage on top of it all ground in (again, oops my bad). I put the bag out for him to bring to the dumpster...apparently he could see the coat in there but didn't say anything so I pointed it out but he didn't say anything...which is good for him.
If I find pics laying around on say, an old desk in the basement that we're supposed to be moving...I'll first gag and try not to vomit because she's nasty, and then I'll just put the pic in a drawer.
In all seriousness, although I hate her guts and wish the billygoats would knock that troll back under her bridge, I don't care to destroy family memories. I have no problem with him having a box or two of pics or momentos...who doesnt ya know? What I have a problem with is being the one to have to remove them. Its simple respect and showing love for me...he should be the one to remove the offensive stuff not me. I shouldn't have to ask or nag or tell him "I found this"...he should just man-up and take care of the situation w/o my having to ask. But alot of the time he doesn't. I'm sure it's because he's a man and doesn't see things like we do plus they're all lazy.
I think it would be easier if I found pics of the troll if we weren't living in their former-marital home. If he just had boxes of family pics with her in them and we had moved into a new house I wouldn't care at all...they'd go out in the garage where they belong and then to the street.lol

I moved all my wedding pics to my parents house, and most things I could find that had my ex and I in them. There are probably still some floating around in boxes though, and I know there are some on the hard drive of my computer. I was with my ex for 8 yrs, and we had many good times together with friends. It's all part of my life journey, and I think it would be a mistake to just toss it all. I don't pour over it or anything, and F respects my stuff.

For his part, he too has boxes and old albums with BM and other girl friends pictures. Hell, his myspace still has pictures of his last girlfriend and him (that we HAVE fought about).It does irritate me some, but I've let it go.

Recently he found a pic of SD and BM together, and gave it to SD. He gave it to SD, and it's on her desk in her room. I have to say it bothers me more than anything else, cheesy ass posed sears pic with BM and SD (about 6 in the pic) in matching ballerina outfits doing plias (or something) :sick: I sort of wish SD would tear it up. BM puts her dad and me through such BS, and that's nothing compared to the crap she puts SD through!

But I'd never say anything to SD like that. That's my baggage, not hers, and if she wants to keep it, thats up to her. Maybe one day when she's grown she'll find some common ground with her mom and things will be better for them both. If that's the case, I'm sure she'll be glad to have it...

from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.

DH got rid of them a while ago, and now, with us being up here, and the skids are not around, there is no reason for us to have any. Now when I first got together w/ my DH, he was living on his own, and had some pic's in a box, stashed away of BM, and the kids, some of them were just her....I did not make much of it, knowing that at one time they were married, and it's the skids mom....so I "sucked it up", it's not like they were on display or anything. Afterwards, as BM showed her true colors, and made a living out of making our/my life hell.....we got rid of everything! Pic's of her were tossed, and banned from our home, with good reason I think. My DH 's family have some pic's stashed away, I have seen them when my MIL wanted to show me some old pic's of DH, that was ok too, as again, they are hidden away, and it was not ment to hurt me....actually I don't even know if MIL still has them, his family hates her! I do have one small photo book, of my DH, and I that my mom gave me, to show my kids some day.....I was a child bride at 18, My DH wanted to see the pic's and was amazed at how young we were (he liked my pic.) LOL. There is no real bad blood between my DH and my Ex anymore, but I still have that book hidden away, and DH is fine w/ that.....he knows I love HIM! And like I said, my Ex does not have any ill will towards us, and that makes a big difference. I plan to give the book away to my daughter when she gets older, there are some baby pic's of my kids in there as well. It will be nice for her to have it."~waiting on the world to change~"

was what I ment to write, and my current DH liked seeing how young we were........glad I did not say that out loud!! LOL"~waiting on the world to change~"

in my living room that holds an 8x10 of my ex who is now deceased. My husband never met him, but he was an excellant man and me and my daughter loved him more then anything. My husband has no problem with us honoring him in our living room.

My husband has a chest that hold all pictures of him and his ex wife. My step daughters know where they are and have access to them at all times. There have been times when they have had projects for school and they have enjoyed going through the pictures. I dont care. It does not bother me. That is their parents.

I have pictures but most of them are at my moms in my chest there.

I have discovered that pictures are very important to hold on too. My daughter has very few of her father and I only wish I had more to give her. I know we can sometimes hold alot of hate in us but those memories we will pass to our children.

My stepdaughter has a picture in her binder of my husband and her mom. Her mom is bipolar and has not been involved in her life for some time. I know she only wishes that her mom would be the woman she was in that picture, vibrant and beautiful.

There was a family reunion picture that my husband had prior to us being married. It had his ex wife in it. My husband loves that picture because alot of his family are not around anymore and he asked me if he could hang it up. I feel quilty because I told him no but the picture is close if he wants to get it out and look at it.

We are all different but I would NEVER ever destroy any pictures of my husband and his ex or me and ex ONLY because of our children and that will be a gift for them one day

all the trinkets (angels, bears, bible) that me and daughter received when he passed. This cabinet has been the same way since he passed in honor of him due to me and my daughter and it will probably always look that way. My husband never met him and can only know what I have told him.

I have a hard time with his ex. I have raised her daughters for 5 years. I have been mom. So I have hard feelings, so for me to have her gazing down upon me in my living room would cause me to drink every night.

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

I have no idea where H keeps photos of his ex. He has no idea where I keep photos of mine. Mind you, I have nothing but loathing for my ex, but he is the father of my sons. And one day, when they are settled, they can have them. It's a record of their lives growing up.

And I expect H to keep photos of his ex-for his daughters. But they will never be displayed in my home.

What disturbs me most is how many of his family members have mentioned that I look alot like her-how infact, appearance wise, we could be sisters. Those comments really bothered me-and I simply don't see the resemblence.

H is the complete opposite in appearence from my ex-ex was tall, blond, blue-eyed, slim. H is tall, dark, brown-eyed, and stout.

I know that H was infatuated by her looks, when he was first with her. That is the only thing he valued about her, as, from his description, she was a total "ho". Oh well. Who knows what lurks in this mans mind.

When I first moved in with DH almost 3 years ago there were s***loads of pics on his computer. Pics of her with the girls and with her family from birthday parties and holidays over the years. The funny thing was that there were only like 4 pics of them together out of almost a thousand total - that's gotta tell ya something. Regardless I made him delete the ones of the 2 of them together and told him to transfer the rest of the pics to a CD in the event that the girls wanted them someday - I did not want any pics of that disgusting TROLL on a computer in my house that I also use!!! There were a couple of pics of her in a collage frame that was stored in a closet, I conveniently broke that frame so he would have to get rid of the pics. I don't care if that is petty - she is repulsive and I do not want any pics of her anywhere in my home!!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

so, my response may be a bit redundant. Personally, I was married before but had no children. For a while, I kept my wedding pics, but then I decided since we didn't have kids that I would get rid of the ones that had him and his family in them. So, I took all the ones of him and his family and mailed them to his parents. I still keep the ones of me and my family as they are great pics of them and me as well.

As far as the BM goes, I gave any of them that had the two of them in it to the skids. They were old enough at the time to take care of them responsibly, and they ARE girls, so that helps a bit I think.

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When my H was going through the basement to do some serious spring cleaning he found so much crap of BMs and wanted to throw all of it away except that she had TONS of scrapbooking things and since I know it probably cost a lot I wouldn't let him throw it away. Instead I shared it with other people and still have quite a bit that I added to my collection. Now as far as the pictures he found well he didn't know what to do with them. I think he was going to throw them out but I felt that SS and H's SD should have some of them since they were a family at once. So I went through every picture (which I shouldn't have) and separated them into 2 boxes that the Skids can have once they are older (if they even want them). For now they are in the back of an extra closet in boxes waiting until the Skids get older. Of course it was fun to see what BM looked like back in the day, she has nasty platinum blonde hair and wore too much makeup. In all honesty she looked like a prostitute. And in every picture H looked pissed. Kind of wonder why he married her at all.

I met him 3 years after his divorce was final, so he had already gotten rid of any display photos of BM. We've got pictures up, but they're of us, or us and SD. I think he has one with his mom and his siblings taken (I think) at his dad's funeral. When we get pictures done, we get individual ones of all three of us as well as group ones, so if SD wants a current picture of her dad, BM doesn't have to have my picture in her house. (I think I would be scared to have one - she might do some voodoo with it!) If SD spent more than a couple weeks in the summer here, I wouldn't have a problem with her having her mom's picture in her room, or of her "real"* family - BM, SD, her baby brother, and her step-dad. Not in my living room, no, but in SD's room... I have no right to impose my feelings on her when she obviously loves her mother.

*"real" family being the one she spends 90% of her time with - she loves her dad and he her, and she says she loves me, but I'm not sure how much of that is her very innocent and loving nature, how much is because she thinks she's supposed to love me - I know that I don't particularly consider her part of my family, whereas DH is.

~Trish

Other than that their pictures do not inhabit our home. No pictures of the Male-Bio-Contributors family anywhere in my SSs room. Not because we forbid it. It is his room he can have pictures of whoever he wants in there. There are pictures of his friends, he and his Mom and maybe an old picture or two of he and I but none of Bio-Dad, the half sibs or any other members of his Bio-Dads family.

He rarely speaks of them except at the end of the 2-4 week post visitation detox time when he will usually briefly bring up whatever idiot stuff they did during the last visitation.

My wife has her photo albums from high school and the brief time that she and bio-dad played house during pregnancy and shortly after SS was born. I have a complete set of the extremely expensive wedding photos that my XW had printed and several pictures of she and I, our families and friends during out 1yr dating/engagement and 2.5 year marriage. I keep them because I was so devilishly handsome and will likely never look even close to that good again.

As for displayed photos, just several of our family (Wife, SS and I) and our parents/siblings/nieces/nephews and some fun vacation pics with friends.

Best regards,

DH does not have any photo's with BM. However, SD has a couple of them, and she can keep them in her space (her room) only, I don't want to see them anywhere else inthe house. She knows this.

when we got together i displayed the baby pics of the kids. Asked him to put their pics away... and the love letters to be thrown out! after a year or so when getting rid of his car and cleaning it out i found the letters i was gutted , thought maybe he was holding onto them for a reason...he said there were for the girls to know that him and the ex once were happy! understable but still didnt like it.
But the pics finally went a few years back now he sent them to the girls (wedding pics and such the ones with both of them together) i felt really relieved....