But I really think you should see a counselor or therapist. Maybe not for your marriage but atleast for yourself. I think you need help to help you process this...because I truley dont know how I would get through it on my own. I cannot imagine your pain. I will keep you and your family in my prayers....but please make sure you take care of yourself.

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

You are not crazy. You dont sound crazy - just hurt and that is expected.

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

Did he say WHY he didnt?? how the opportunity presented itself?? Does she know that you know?

I dont know if I could ever trust him again. I think that you and your dh need to go to marriage counseling to see if this is something that you both can work past, and for him to get an unbaised direction from a counselor.

How old is your son that you have w/him? How old is your dh?

Bm sounds sneaky and like she will stop at nothing to get him back. I honestly think a marriage counselor is what will save your marriage, if you want it saved. I think that person will be able to talk SENSE into your dh and let him know what HE needs to do to reassure you, and set up proper boundaries w/the ex.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. This one is a deal breaker in my book... but if its something that you want.. I say fight for it..

First, I just want to send you a big (((hug))). I definately think that counseling is in order if you decide that you want to stay in the relationship. Couples counseling and private counseling for you, if possible. You are not crazy at all. There are many of us here dealing with the same control issues.
As I have said before, step is NOT easy. It tests your mettle in every way possible.
Please take care and be sure to getthe support you need.

I can't imagine how horrible this must be for you...what happened to you is my absolute most horrible, terrible dreaded fear. How you're surviving it, i don't know, because I know it would kill me. You are one strong, strong woman!!!!

From my heart all I can say to you is I could never, ever trust my H again if he did what yours did. It was one thing for him to cheat with this ho, but he also has 3 kids with her...having kids with her is a very strong connection that I don't think we can ever compete with. I mean, it's hard enough when they have kids together and then divorce and we come along...there's still some kind of weird pull the bm has over our H. But for him to betray you like he did...i don't think it's something that's fixable.
Dr. Phil talks about dealbreakers and I think this is one. He has a long history with this woman and has kids with her. And although you have married him and have a child and a life with him, something about her is strong enough for him to throw that all away. Whatever that is, it's not your problem. She's defective...she's deliberately interfering in your life, and probably deliberately seduced him or whatever in order to 'own' him again. She must be completely f*ed up. He obviously has some huge, giant issues that he would throw your life away to be with her.
I don't know, from reading and going to counseling, etc. that these kind of people can be fixed. You know? Like, he's always going to be a cheater regardless of how much therapy he has or how much he promises you. He is showing you that he thinks he can have his cake and eat it too because he thinks you'll put up with it. And it's your decision...you have every right to stay with him and try to work it out. If you value your marriage and want to try then do it. But if you think you can't take any more, which it sounds like is the case, then you should take you child and your broken heart and run away fast!
Sweetie, you need counseling...scr*w her and him and whoever else...YOU need to see someone for your own peace of mind. This was a devastating thing that happened and you completely need support and help right now. You should put yourself first at this time and do whatever you have to do to have support and comfort right now.
Big hugs.

I understand that you only fight about BM that's mainly what our arguements are about but you also seem to have missed the fact that BM wasn't the only one to blame, your DH was the one who cheated on you, he's the one that was suppose to care about you and now that he's slept with BM he's probably got her thinking she can get him back again.

YOu deserve so much better than DH, I know it's hard but you need to move on.

I would have to leave if my boyfriend ever slept with his ex again. It's a long story, but I'm still slightly angry that he was so dumb and irresponsible to ever impregnate her in the first place, having never loved her or have any desire to marry her. It was basically a two-night stand ten years ago that has resulted in an epic saga. I'll have to hash that out later, being new here and all.

Alas, life in mixed families can be so complex and every situation is different.

But in any circumstance of cheating, a person has to take a serious step back and as calmly and rationally as possible look at all the angles and ask themselves and their partner some really tough questions.
For example: Does this a$$hole really think I'm that much of a sucker? (maybe word that one differently when you ask your partner it, though I probably wouldn't, heh)
Where does his heart really lie regardless of what he's been telling me? (you might have to get him tearfully drunk to get the truth on that one)
She's never going to be out of his life unless their kids are out of ours, how can I ever trust him?

What a huge bummer, I'm so sorry for you. I hope you can figure out what's best . . . for yourself first and foremost.

cy

connection timed out so I posted twice.

In your post you wanted to know how you could be like DHs EX. Now why would you want to go and do something like that? So DH will love you as much as you think he loves her? No Way. You're too good for the both of them. I don't see where you find it in your heart to take him back. He doesn't deserve you in my opinion. Cheating is cheating no matter with who, but especially with an ex is it ever so hurtful. I thought they were exs for a reason. DH and DWs sometimes don't realize how deeply we feel about their exs. The majority of us can't stand our spouses ex. I know I can't. If in fact my HB was ever alone with his ex, I might string him up and let the posse have him and then the rath would be apon her. HA HA HA In the beginning of our marriage DH would bend over backwards for EX. Went on for a couple years. Then I finally bellied up and said look if that's what you want see ya. We still have our differences of opinion now and again but nothing like before. Put your feet underneath you and pick yourself up. You can't make him treat you the way you think he treats his ex. He has to want to treat you better. And that includes those two not sleeping together. EWWWWW!