to do everything directly according to the divorce papers where everything was laid out. If we didn't my husbands ex and kids would have taken advantage in any and everyway they could.
In the divorce it says exactly when the visits will be and when they will be returned. Pick up and drop off times are included.
His ex last summer went off scedule by sending his son to a summer camp, did she ask us? no... but we could have taken her to court because of it.
The reason we didn't was the son seemed to like it and she did not ask us to pay for her choice to have him live somewhere else without asking his father.
Did the divorce not cover visitation ? Just wondering because my husbands did. It was outlined as to everything, including who gets to claim which kids on taxes each year. I am in USA, so maybe where you are its not covered.

going for 50/50 placement or primary custody? That way there's less time she can be so emotionally abusive to them...

I don't know that getting the cops to handle visitation transfers is a great idea unless your DH is at the transfer place, waiting for them, and the kids never show up and he's tried calling BM but she refuses to turn the kids over.

Many courts are of the opinion that mom and dad don't have to be at the transfers- the kids just need to be there on time. In other words, if BM had a friend bring the kids to you guys, then that is ok as long as they get there on time. Right now though, the courthouse might be your best bet. A lot of courthouses do have something like that in place.

I want to add something... if you end up in court over this, which may need to happen to get it right, you may want to ask them to not only write it all down but think about other things you can add in visituation.
FOR INSTANCE, my husband asked his ex does not move out of the area, not over 25 miles from the city limit as long as he has visitation rights and if she did, getting the kids to him would be financially on her, she would have to transport the kids and pick them up, until the youngest was at least 16

Hey Jen, first of all welcome! You have a lot on your plate with 5 kids there but it sounds like you are a good mom/sm and enjoy your family - that is so wonderful.

Now with BM I would strongly suggest having a 3rd party do drop offs/pickups. Is there someone that you can coordinate that with or is there a program through the courts in the city that you live in have a service like that? I think that would be the way to go for you guys and keep out of the drama with the BM as much as possible.

As to the BM talking to your H I would have a serious talk with him and tell him that unless he and BM are talking about the kids that as soon as she starts to talk about any other nonsense that he put her on notice that if they are not talking about the kids he is hanging up because he is not interested in hearing what she has to say. But he has to follow through with it. I know it might be hard because he is used to sitting there and listening to her but with you backing him up and being supportive I'm sure you can put boundaries in place so you can move on and just have YOUR happy family!

Good luck to you hun!
EMA

dictate where you guys move to? Can that even be put into divorce papers?

going to live.

Granted, it would be nice for him to be a part of my son's life more than once a year. But I don't think it would matter where he lives, that's still all he would do.

Can you imagine the nerve, telling your x where they can live! That's nuts-o.

Your husband is going to have to file a motion for contempt about the visitation issues in order to force her to comply with the CO. Your idea about a neutral place for pickups and drop offs is a good one. Make sure that if he does follow through and files the motion, that he gets that in to facilitate the visits. It will make both your lives so much easier. Good luck.

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