I am not married but I would never stay with someone if they cheated on me - especially with his ex wife which I am assuming he has kids with. I would throw all his crap out and file for divorce. I am so sorry that that happened to you. Please do not let someone disrespect you like this. That is my opinion BUT you only wrote one line and I'm sure most of us would like to know the story here. Are you seperated or something? Take care of YOU!
I was married once to a man who cheated-but not with an ex as I was his FW, as he was my FH. I stayed for a long time, thought I was doing the right thing by my children. Not so much. Shoulda divorced him after the first affair.
My now H has crossed alot of lines, as alot of the ladies know, and our marriage is already on the rocks. If he slept with his ex, I'd give him right back to her. Problems & all, something he is well aware of.
I was just having a conversation with someone last night and Lorena came up. We were wondering if she was willing to come out of retirement and if she still had her weapon/tools of choice? Who knows, maybe she is moving on up in the world because there are tools that would do it a lot faster in one swift move. OUCHIE.
As far as the cheating, that's a tough one. I think I would have it in me to forgive and TRY to work things out. I wouldn't tuck tale and run immediately. I amnot excusing it, but people cheat for a variety of reasons and the reality is that sometimes it is nothing against you (although that seems stupid to say), but it may be an problem that they are having with themselves. They may regret it and never do it again. The key is COMMUNICATION.
I know someone who is in a similar situation, wasn't the ex, just some little fling. Never am I saying that it is right. That fling produced a set of twins that are now 1 1/2 years old. The wife although deeply hurt, decided that she wanted her marriage to work. She looked at ways to improve their communication and re-connect with each other. She forgave him, but I doubt she will ever forget the indescretion or the pain that it has caused her. I will say this though. The affair actually made their relationship stronger. It helped them see to the root of their problem. I will also say that I don't think that I could do that, but I try to never say never. One can always say what they wouldn't do, but when faced with the weight of a situation, we can sometimes pull ourselves up out of emotion and rationalize things. I know that would not be the case for many, but it is possible if both parties are willing to work on it.
Now even though I said all of that I must add. I could probably accept cheating with ANYONE except the EW. That move there would more than likely mean that all bets are off. Because now you wonder every time that there is an exchange of the kids and he's gone too long what he's doing and if they are together? Wondering if he still loves her and prefers her? That would be too much for me emotionally.
I do wish you well in the decision. The good news is that the ball is in your court and the choice is yours. Its a tough question and position to be in. My prayers to you that you are okay. Take your time and space and decide the next step. Don't do anything purely out of emotion or in haste. Hugs.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
Sorry to judge, especially in my situation. But God Lord, I couldn't handle this. If you are still in this situation, you, like many other women on here are much bigger woman than I.
No way no how! That's just icky and I know my man he would have to be beaten, drugged and half-dead before that would happen and it would never would since she is nasty.
In the words of Iron Maiden = Run for the hills, run for your life... sorry I grew up in the 80's
Welcome. I'm not sure if you're new or not, but I haven't seen you here myself.
Secondly, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be in your situation. It's like every second wife's insecurity validated.
So how are you doing? What do you want to do? Where will you be happiest?
Hugs and prayers to you.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
No, I havn't been through this before and hope I never will.
I think someone has gone though this before from this site, but not sure who, hopefully they will get in touch.
We are all here for moral support if you want to vent away.
I've sort of been through this. There was a marriage involved, but that was BM being married to the guy she's now maybe divorcing and maybe not divorcing. Who knows. They used to date. He had picked out my engagement ring and was paying on it. He was putting together the scrapbook he used to propose when it happened, and that's how I will enter SMhood. But, I choose to stay with him. I think every situations is different. No one can tell you how to handle it. They can tell you what they THINK they would do. I've been cheated on before FH. And, I left those two relationships in a heart beat without looking back, thinking twice, or regretting it.
FH is different. He made a mistake, yes. A huge one. One that I didn't know about until almost a year after the fact and 6 months before we were supposed to get married. I chose to see how he would handle the consequences, knowing him, seeing his sorrow and shame. I "know" he won't do it again. Sometimes, I lose that knowledge temporarily and need to hear him reassure me. And, there are a ton of trust issues. It's amazing what triggers that and what doesn't. The healing process is cyclical. There are good stretches of days and bad. And, he has had to be ok with that. My FH is a very good listener. He cares about how I feel. In a way, this has been "good" for our relationship. I think we had gotten to a point where we left out a lot because it didn't seem important when we talked. We don't leave anything out now. I see all communication between the two of them. The need I feel to see it has decreased. Decisions aren't made without my input. This is a partnership. No relationship is perfect, and never will be. And, I'm not trying to talk you into staying. I'm just explaining what I've experienced on this side of the fence. If FH were anyone else, he'd be single. If he weren't making a ton of effort to work through this, he'd be single. If he weren't fighting to see his kids, he'd be single. If he didn't listen to me cry, yell, be angry, be happy, and laugh, he'd be single. Remember, too, that cheating usually isn't about the sex. It's not YOUR fault that he made that decision. If you decide to stay, you have to deal with her permanently. It's hard to know that he has to talk to her for the next 18 years, when she's this constant reminder of what makes me feel insecure.
And, I have to say if you choose to stay, don't do it without counseling for both of you individually and together. Finding the root of it will help prevent it from happening again. Plus, at some point, my FH will have to stop doing ALL the housework. I've gotten past using it as a trump card in every argument. And, believe me, for this spoiled Irish/Italian, that wasn't easy.
People will tell you how to handle it. Only you can decide. We will support you in your decision. At least, that's what I have found to be the case. I have always appreciated everyone's expressions of caring, even if I don't agree with what they think I should do. People will tell you they think you are strong for staying if that's what you choose, and I'm sure strong for leaving. The point is, either way, you are stronger for surviving that hurt. And, one way or another, it will subside over time. And, I have to tell you, that if it happened more than once, or it was a pattern of behavior, I know I wouldn't put up with it.
To ask a question that was posed to me, what would make YOU happy right now? Forget the if only's and forget him. What would make YOU happy?
To every thing there is a season.
It's so easy to say, "I would leave" but when it really comes down to it things are never that cut and dry. My BF did this about a year after we started dating. I was always one of those people that said I would be gone if someone cheated on me, but when this happened it all changed. You really have to decide for yourself. How strong was your relationship otherwise? How did he react/act once you knew? What were the circumstances of the act? Now, I'm not giving anyone excuses. It's wrong period. But everyone makes mistakes and it's up to you to decide if he gets a second chance. I gave him one and I am glad I did. We have built an amazing life together and are planning to marry in the next year. We have been able to create a loving a supportive family life for his daughter (14) in our home and we are planning for children together. Here's the hard part. His ex is a part of our lives weekly. And will be for several more years. Overall things are calm, but it is a reminder of what happened. However, I have been able to get past that. His ex uses the situation to try and drive wedges between us. Telling me that he "hung out" or "spent the day" with her while I was away. When in reality he just dropped something off for his daughter and had been at his mom's the whole day. I won't lie it was and sometimes still is hard, but he has regained my trust. (Yes, he had to work for it and hard.) He has said that it was a horrible thing and he now has to go the rest of his life knowing he hurt me that way and remembering the look on my face when I found out. But that is his burden that he has learned to bear. I have not forgotten and I will not forget, but I have forgiven him and learned to trust him. Though it was a terrible time for us, I have learned now that it brought us closer.
Once this happend we laid out some rules in our home.
1. She does not enter our home unless invited to do so. (Which rarely if ever happens)
2. He does not enter her home unless it is to help his daughter carry something.
3. Anytime he is in her presence I know about it, either before or immediately after. We threw this in to head her off at the pass. Anytime she says they were around each other I can say I already know. It put a quick stop to her antics.
My advice is to keep the lines of communication open. Whatever feelings or questions you want answered put them all out in front of him. Anything unanswered is something that could potentially eat at you if you give the relationship a second chance. And make sure that you set some guidelines if you are to stay. You're trust has been broken and it is up to him to gain it back. while I realize everyone here means well. It is a hard situation to place yourself in if you have not really been there. No one can decide this for you.
Of course this all just our story and my opinion but I hope it helps you. I wish you all the best.
But not while I knew him. He slept with her once right after their divorce. But I didn't meet him until 4 years later, and he wasn't cheating on anyone. Just lonely and confused. But he would never do it again and was completely disgusted with himself afterwards, so much that he made himself physically sick over it. How long have they been split? Did you ever see this coming?
In the first few months I dated my now husband, I was dating other men. Coffee dates, e-mails, that sort of thing. I never slept with another man (not even kiss another man). They were just first dates mostly. After about 4 months of dating my DH, I realized that I wanted things to go further, I realized he was something special, that I could love him. I stopped seeing other people. It is true that during the first few months of dating DH, I didn't tell him I was dating other men.
Fast forward a year and a half, past the engagement. My DH finds old e-mails of mine. I come home from work, he accuses me of cheating. According to him...I was a cheater. It was the next three days of me convincing him that I didn't cheat. According to him, going for a coffee date with another man in the first couple of months of our relationship....that was cheating. He "forgave" me and we moved on. I didn't cheat. I hate myself for begging his forgiveness for something I didn't do, but and I hate myself for believing, even for a minute, that I did something wrong....life goes on.
So..the point of my story is...if he ever, EVER, so much as kissed another woman....it would be over. OVER. Especially if it was the ex. I would walk away, and wouldn't lose an ounce of self esteem, my friend.
Her big plan was that after we divorced we could date and sleep together when I was in town on business. WTF is that?
My response "We have been married for two and half years and you don't sleep with me now and I have been married to you, why would I want to date you?"
Though I did not know it at the time, she was pregnant by her sugar daddy Fortune 500 Senior Executive then boyfriend now husband.
I think that my H slept with her at some point while they were separated or what not or maybe my math is wrong...but after they legally separated and divorced, no.
The thought of them sleeping together is my BIGGEST FEAR. My deepest darkest fear is to come home and to find them together (exactly why I get completely psychotic if I find her in my home) or for him to come home and say "Sorry babe i slept with the ex and we're getting back together." Maybe not in those exact words, but I worry that they'll get back together...ok, not worry, maybe make myself completely sick over it is a better way to describe it. Probably why I'm so territorial and go completely insane if she comes around.
I think someone on here said the most brilliant thing I've read...something about how before all our stepparenting lives, when we used to break up with a bf we'd suffer more if we had to see them afterwards, like out or at work or something...but we got over other guys faster when we didn't have to see them, you know, outta sight outta mind. And with the bm's always hanging around our lives, we kind of have that little grain of sand rubbing away inside us where we wonder are they going to get back together, will he cheat with her, can we compete with the life they had or however many years, etc. If we didn't have bm's around at all I don't think any of us would have the problems or doubts or suffer like we do. I think alot of our fears come from the fact that when you have to see an ex for like *ever* how do you totally get over them? Maybe the H's of the world do get over their ex's, but then again, maybe not entirely...
I know from the bottom of my heart that if my H were to betray me by cheating with his ex I would never, ever, ever be able to forgive him, let alone stay with him...kids or no kids.
If your H has cheated on you, you have to decide if your marriage is worth saving...if you can forgive what happened at some point down the road...if the life you have with him is worth saving. But you also need to think about you and your own self esteem. How would you be able to live with a man you could never trust again???
I will keep you in my thoughts. Hugs to you.
in our situation, I first off would probably make front page news with the blow-out that would come with some thing like that......then I would take my son, and leave, and I would make sure that we were only a memory to him!!! I would not want him around me , or our son, and after everything BM has done to me/us, I would have every right. I know this would not happen....not something for me to worry about, as BM is the last person DH wants to be around ever, does not even like to "breath the same air" as her. LOL If it was some one els, and he did this, I would be hurt beyond repair, as I have been down that road already w/ my Ex.....and my DH is aware of that, and he's been cheated on too, so I don't see this in him.....but I'm afraid I would still have to leave him.....I'm worth more, than to be treated like that!"~waiting on the world to change~"
There is no way that it would happen, DH HATES BM and if he did he better find another place to live and fast because he'd be out on the street with SS before he could blink. I'd also take 1/2 of everything and changing the locks when I kicked him out.
Why would you want to be with a man who does something as horrible as this to you, how could you live each day with him wondering if he's still cheating or if he will be.
I respect myself to much to ever put myself in that siuation - you cheat, you leave!
I can put up with a lot but cheating is, to me, the worst thing ever and I could never ever recover from that. I am the type of person that once you do that to me even if I was madly in love with you - I could turn that love off the very next day and act like you never exisisted. My exF did that too me and that is why he is my ex. Good thing I didn't pull a snapped on him then...
I would haul ass if my DH slept with his ex-wife. And I would be absolutely shocked in the first place...not just because she is butt-ass ugly (looks like a man) and a complete wack-job who has made our lives miserable, but because she is also a lesbian.
Here's the kicker though...he slept with her for 2 years after their dovorce. Now, they have been divorced for over 6 years now but I was FLOORED when he told me that. He still has no good answer for why he did it. I mean, hello...THE B**CH IS GAY!!!! And she cheated on him WITH A WOMAN FOR 3 YEARS. Who knows why men do the things they do? It's almost like they have no good sense!!!
Again, I am so sorry. I'm sure there is more to your story. I just hope you make the right decision for you.
Comments
WTF!!!!
Are you kidding? No I haven't gone through that. Thank God cause he would be picking up his charcoaled belongings out of the front yard.
No!
I am not married but I would never stay with someone if they cheated on me - especially with his ex wife which I am assuming he has kids with. I would throw all his crap out and file for divorce. I am so sorry that that happened to you. Please do not let someone disrespect you like this. That is my opinion BUT you only wrote one line and I'm sure most of us would like to know the story here. Are you seperated or something? Take care of YOU!
No. And if he did he wouldn't be my H any longer
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
I was married once to a man who cheated-but not with an ex as I was his FW, as he was my FH. I stayed for a long time, thought I was doing the right thing by my children. Not so much. Shoulda divorced him after the first affair.
My now H has crossed alot of lines, as alot of the ladies know, and our marriage is already on the rocks. If he slept with his ex, I'd give him right back to her. Problems & all, something he is well aware of.
If that happened to you
RUN-not your fault....
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
Cheating is cheating. Time to pull an Elena Bobbit.
You get half. If you have kids with the man, more than half. Change the door locks and go for the jugular.
IMHO of course.
Good luck and best regards,
You are way too nice Rags
but I agree with you totally
LOL
Rags,
I was just having a conversation with someone last night and Lorena came up. We were wondering if she was willing to come out of retirement and if she still had her weapon/tools of choice? Who knows, maybe she is moving on up in the world because there are tools that would do it a lot faster in one swift move. OUCHIE.
As far as the cheating, that's a tough one. I think I would have it in me to forgive and TRY to work things out. I wouldn't tuck tale and run immediately. I amnot excusing it, but people cheat for a variety of reasons and the reality is that sometimes it is nothing against you (although that seems stupid to say), but it may be an problem that they are having with themselves. They may regret it and never do it again. The key is COMMUNICATION.
I know someone who is in a similar situation, wasn't the ex, just some little fling. Never am I saying that it is right. That fling produced a set of twins that are now 1 1/2 years old. The wife although deeply hurt, decided that she wanted her marriage to work. She looked at ways to improve their communication and re-connect with each other. She forgave him, but I doubt she will ever forget the indescretion or the pain that it has caused her. I will say this though. The affair actually made their relationship stronger. It helped them see to the root of their problem. I will also say that I don't think that I could do that, but I try to never say never. One can always say what they wouldn't do, but when faced with the weight of a situation, we can sometimes pull ourselves up out of emotion and rationalize things. I know that would not be the case for many, but it is possible if both parties are willing to work on it.
Now even though I said all of that I must add. I could probably accept cheating with ANYONE except the EW. That move there would more than likely mean that all bets are off. Because now you wonder every time that there is an exchange of the kids and he's gone too long what he's doing and if they are together? Wondering if he still loves her and prefers her? That would be too much for me emotionally.
I do wish you well in the decision. The good news is that the ball is in your court and the choice is yours. Its a tough question and position to be in. My prayers to you that you are okay. Take your time and space and decide the next step. Don't do anything purely out of emotion or in haste. Hugs.
Step Mother's Motto this week is:
You don't have to LOVE me, you don't even have to LIKE me... But you will RESPECT me.
Get out..........
Not to sound to much like Dr. Phil, but some things are deal breakers and I believe that is, without question, one of them!
Ummmm.............
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
R U NUTS??????????????????????
I would drop DH like a bad habit.
Sorry to judge, especially in my situation. But God Lord, I couldn't handle this. If you are still in this situation, you, like many other women on here are much bigger woman than I.
I couldn't stand it.
OMG
No way no how! That's just icky and I know my man he would have to be beaten, drugged and half-dead before that would happen and it would never would since she is nasty.
In the words of Iron Maiden = Run for the hills, run for your life... sorry I grew up in the 80's
First of all...
Welcome. I'm not sure if you're new or not, but I haven't seen you here myself.
Secondly, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be in your situation. It's like every second wife's insecurity validated.
So how are you doing? What do you want to do? Where will you be happiest?
Hugs and prayers to you.
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
You Poor Thing
No, I havn't been through this before and hope I never will.
I think someone has gone though this before from this site, but not sure who, hopefully they will get in touch.
We are all here for moral support if you want to vent away.
My heart goes out to you hun!
I've sort of been through
I've sort of been through this. There was a marriage involved, but that was BM being married to the guy she's now maybe divorcing and maybe not divorcing. Who knows. They used to date. He had picked out my engagement ring and was paying on it. He was putting together the scrapbook he used to propose when it happened, and that's how I will enter SMhood. But, I choose to stay with him. I think every situations is different. No one can tell you how to handle it. They can tell you what they THINK they would do. I've been cheated on before FH. And, I left those two relationships in a heart beat without looking back, thinking twice, or regretting it.
FH is different. He made a mistake, yes. A huge one. One that I didn't know about until almost a year after the fact and 6 months before we were supposed to get married. I chose to see how he would handle the consequences, knowing him, seeing his sorrow and shame. I "know" he won't do it again. Sometimes, I lose that knowledge temporarily and need to hear him reassure me. And, there are a ton of trust issues. It's amazing what triggers that and what doesn't. The healing process is cyclical. There are good stretches of days and bad. And, he has had to be ok with that. My FH is a very good listener. He cares about how I feel. In a way, this has been "good" for our relationship. I think we had gotten to a point where we left out a lot because it didn't seem important when we talked. We don't leave anything out now. I see all communication between the two of them. The need I feel to see it has decreased. Decisions aren't made without my input. This is a partnership. No relationship is perfect, and never will be. And, I'm not trying to talk you into staying. I'm just explaining what I've experienced on this side of the fence. If FH were anyone else, he'd be single. If he weren't making a ton of effort to work through this, he'd be single. If he weren't fighting to see his kids, he'd be single. If he didn't listen to me cry, yell, be angry, be happy, and laugh, he'd be single. Remember, too, that cheating usually isn't about the sex. It's not YOUR fault that he made that decision. If you decide to stay, you have to deal with her permanently. It's hard to know that he has to talk to her for the next 18 years, when she's this constant reminder of what makes me feel insecure.
And, I have to say if you choose to stay, don't do it without counseling for both of you individually and together. Finding the root of it will help prevent it from happening again. Plus, at some point, my FH will have to stop doing ALL the housework. I've gotten past using it as a trump card in every argument. And, believe me, for this spoiled Irish/Italian, that wasn't easy.
People will tell you how to handle it. Only you can decide. We will support you in your decision. At least, that's what I have found to be the case. I have always appreciated everyone's expressions of caring, even if I don't agree with what they think I should do. People will tell you they think you are strong for staying if that's what you choose, and I'm sure strong for leaving. The point is, either way, you are stronger for surviving that hurt. And, one way or another, it will subside over time. And, I have to tell you, that if it happened more than once, or it was a pattern of behavior, I know I wouldn't put up with it.
To ask a question that was posed to me, what would make YOU happy right now? Forget the if only's and forget him. What would make YOU happy?
To every thing there is a season.
I'm so glad someone said this...
It's so easy to say, "I would leave" but when it really comes down to it things are never that cut and dry. My BF did this about a year after we started dating. I was always one of those people that said I would be gone if someone cheated on me, but when this happened it all changed. You really have to decide for yourself. How strong was your relationship otherwise? How did he react/act once you knew? What were the circumstances of the act? Now, I'm not giving anyone excuses. It's wrong period. But everyone makes mistakes and it's up to you to decide if he gets a second chance. I gave him one and I am glad I did. We have built an amazing life together and are planning to marry in the next year. We have been able to create a loving a supportive family life for his daughter (14) in our home and we are planning for children together. Here's the hard part. His ex is a part of our lives weekly. And will be for several more years. Overall things are calm, but it is a reminder of what happened. However, I have been able to get past that. His ex uses the situation to try and drive wedges between us. Telling me that he "hung out" or "spent the day" with her while I was away. When in reality he just dropped something off for his daughter and had been at his mom's the whole day. I won't lie it was and sometimes still is hard, but he has regained my trust. (Yes, he had to work for it and hard.) He has said that it was a horrible thing and he now has to go the rest of his life knowing he hurt me that way and remembering the look on my face when I found out. But that is his burden that he has learned to bear. I have not forgotten and I will not forget, but I have forgiven him and learned to trust him. Though it was a terrible time for us, I have learned now that it brought us closer.
Once this happend we laid out some rules in our home.
1. She does not enter our home unless invited to do so. (Which rarely if ever happens)
2. He does not enter her home unless it is to help his daughter carry something.
3. Anytime he is in her presence I know about it, either before or immediately after. We threw this in to head her off at the pass. Anytime she says they were around each other I can say I already know. It put a quick stop to her antics.
My advice is to keep the lines of communication open. Whatever feelings or questions you want answered put them all out in front of him. Anything unanswered is something that could potentially eat at you if you give the relationship a second chance. And make sure that you set some guidelines if you are to stay. You're trust has been broken and it is up to him to gain it back. while I realize everyone here means well. It is a hard situation to place yourself in if you have not really been there. No one can decide this for you.
Of course this all just our story and my opinion but I hope it helps you. I wish you all the best.
Yes, my husband did.
But not while I knew him. He slept with her once right after their divorce. But I didn't meet him until 4 years later, and he wasn't cheating on anyone. Just lonely and confused. But he would never do it again and was completely disgusted with himself afterwards, so much that he made himself physically sick over it. How long have they been split? Did you ever see this coming?
TheBrightSide
In the first few months I dated my now husband, I was dating other men. Coffee dates, e-mails, that sort of thing. I never slept with another man (not even kiss another man). They were just first dates mostly. After about 4 months of dating my DH, I realized that I wanted things to go further, I realized he was something special, that I could love him. I stopped seeing other people. It is true that during the first few months of dating DH, I didn't tell him I was dating other men.
Fast forward a year and a half, past the engagement. My DH finds old e-mails of mine. I come home from work, he accuses me of cheating. According to him...I was a cheater. It was the next three days of me convincing him that I didn't cheat. According to him, going for a coffee date with another man in the first couple of months of our relationship....that was cheating. He "forgave" me and we moved on. I didn't cheat. I hate myself for begging his forgiveness for something I didn't do, but and I hate myself for believing, even for a minute, that I did something wrong....life goes on.
So..the point of my story is...if he ever, EVER, so much as kissed another woman....it would be over. OVER. Especially if it was the ex. I would walk away, and wouldn't lose an ounce of self esteem, my friend.
My XW wanted to date and sleep together after she left.
Her big plan was that after we divorced we could date and sleep together when I was in town on business. WTF is that?
My response "We have been married for two and half years and you don't sleep with me now and I have been married to you, why would I want to date you?"
Though I did not know it at the time, she was pregnant by her sugar daddy Fortune 500 Senior Executive then boyfriend now husband.
Best regards,
My ex wanted the same arrangement when we divorced
My response "dream on buddy." Maybe he couldn't find anybody but I had someone else. I got someone hotter than he was and paraded him around.
"I know God has a wonderful plan for me, I just wish He would tell me what it is"
My ex wanted the same arrangement when we divorced
My response "dream on buddy." Maybe he couldn't find anybody but I had someone else. I got someone hotter than he was and paraded him around.
"I know God has a wonderful plan for me, I just wish He would tell me what it is"
I don't think so...
I think that my H slept with her at some point while they were separated or what not or maybe my math is wrong...but after they legally separated and divorced, no.
The thought of them sleeping together is my BIGGEST FEAR. My deepest darkest fear is to come home and to find them together (exactly why I get completely psychotic if I find her in my home) or for him to come home and say "Sorry babe i slept with the ex and we're getting back together." Maybe not in those exact words, but I worry that they'll get back together...ok, not worry, maybe make myself completely sick over it is a better way to describe it. Probably why I'm so territorial and go completely insane if she comes around.
I think someone on here said the most brilliant thing I've read...something about how before all our stepparenting lives, when we used to break up with a bf we'd suffer more if we had to see them afterwards, like out or at work or something...but we got over other guys faster when we didn't have to see them, you know, outta sight outta mind. And with the bm's always hanging around our lives, we kind of have that little grain of sand rubbing away inside us where we wonder are they going to get back together, will he cheat with her, can we compete with the life they had or however many years, etc. If we didn't have bm's around at all I don't think any of us would have the problems or doubts or suffer like we do. I think alot of our fears come from the fact that when you have to see an ex for like *ever* how do you totally get over them? Maybe the H's of the world do get over their ex's, but then again, maybe not entirely...
I know from the bottom of my heart that if my H were to betray me by cheating with his ex I would never, ever, ever be able to forgive him, let alone stay with him...kids or no kids.
If your H has cheated on you, you have to decide if your marriage is worth saving...if you can forgive what happened at some point down the road...if the life you have with him is worth saving. But you also need to think about you and your own self esteem. How would you be able to live with a man you could never trust again???
I will keep you in my thoughts. Hugs to you.
for me...
in our situation, I first off would probably make front page news with the blow-out that would come with some thing like that......then I would take my son, and leave, and I would make sure that we were only a memory to him!!! I would not want him around me , or our son, and after everything BM has done to me/us, I would have every right. I know this would not happen....not something for me to worry about, as BM is the last person DH wants to be around ever, does not even like to "breath the same air" as her. LOL If it was some one els, and he did this, I would be hurt beyond repair, as I have been down that road already w/ my Ex.....and my DH is aware of that, and he's been cheated on too, so I don't see this in him.....but I'm afraid I would still have to leave him.....I'm worth more, than to be treated like that!"~waiting on the world to change~"
oh hell no!
There is no way that it would happen, DH HATES BM and if he did he better find another place to live and fast because he'd be out on the street with SS before he could blink. I'd also take 1/2 of everything and changing the locks when I kicked him out.
Why would you want to be with a man who does something as horrible as this to you, how could you live each day with him wondering if he's still cheating or if he will be.
I respect myself to much to ever put myself in that siuation - you cheat, you leave!
I would be on an episode of SNAPPED!
I can put up with a lot but cheating is, to me, the worst thing ever and I could never ever recover from that. I am the type of person that once you do that to me even if I was madly in love with you - I could turn that love off the very next day and act like you never exisisted. My exF did that too me and that is why he is my ex. Good thing I didn't pull a snapped on him then...
Honey, I am so sorry
I would throw his butt out. You deserve better. Sorry
"I know God has a wonderful plan for me, I just wish He would tell me what it is"
Wow...I am so sorry.
I would haul ass if my DH slept with his ex-wife. And I would be absolutely shocked in the first place...not just because she is butt-ass ugly (looks like a man) and a complete wack-job who has made our lives miserable, but because she is also a lesbian.
Here's the kicker though...he slept with her for 2 years after their dovorce. Now, they have been divorced for over 6 years now but I was FLOORED when he told me that. He still has no good answer for why he did it. I mean, hello...THE B**CH IS GAY!!!! And she cheated on him WITH A WOMAN FOR 3 YEARS. Who knows why men do the things they do? It's almost like they have no good sense!!!
Again, I am so sorry. I'm sure there is more to your story. I just hope you make the right decision for you.
Take care,
Love