It is a complete gamble and you simply cannot predict what the outcome will be.
I have to admit that it does seem that the courts favor BMs; however I have seen plenty of cases where the father has won custody whether it be because he was deemed a better parent, or because he had the money to fight and BM didn't.

I would support your friend any way possible and if she does leave her husband she needs to immediately petition the court for a Temporary Parenting Plan in order to protect herself.

I would say no. I've never heard of a father getting full custody as long as the mother is fit. 50/50 yes, but not full. The fact is, there is simply no reason that the mother would not get custody as long as she is fit. So I would say the most he can hope for is 50/50. Which also sucks, by the way. I think its better if the mom (especially with such a young child) gets full while the dad gets visitation...but that might be because I'm a mom LOL

did get full custody of his son, who at that time was 13, on a temp. basis, of 6 months, and then it would be reviewed in court for it to become permanent. He was deemed the better parent at that time, and BM was ordered to enter into anger management classes, and therapy, and parenting classes(this last one she never did).....we were harassed the entire time he lived with us, and of course he chose to go back, as it was not "fun" to keep playing them anymore to SS. The only way, that I can see him gettin custody is if their was a reason why she could not care for him properly. She should get a lawyer and tell him/the courts about that threat. He is "using" the child as a pawn already."~waiting on the world to change~"

I think your friend stands a very good chance of obtaining primary custody. Not only does she sound fit, but she has also been the primary caretaker since the child was born. That right there would sway the judge in her favor.

Some states automatically go with 50/50 unless there is proof that the other parent is unfit. I think all children should have equal access to their kids, but I wonder if dad in this case would be willing to make the sacrifices necessary to have his child 50% of the time.

I think if she goes through with the divorce it will be apparent that dad is threatening this purely out of spite, and hopefully the judge will see through him.

she doesn't have to worry. If he works that much, they are NOT going to give him custody if he can't care for him herself. Hopefully they will assign a GAL to be the child's advocate. Sounds like she should prepare for a long battle though.

But she should talk to an attorney as soon as possible to address her concerns and see what type of case he might have and if he even has a chance at this.
And then she should document everything- go to the child's doctors and teachers, etc- anyone who can validate how involved and positive this mother is in the child's life (and how uninvolved the father is not).

No one should stay in a marriage if they are threatened or bullied to do so. It sounds like this man is clearly emotionally abusive. All the more reason for her to look to get out.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

Of course I'm only hearing your version of her side, but I will go with my gut that it's pretty accurate. Therefore, I would suggest that the mom here go for full LEGAL and physical custody, with liberal visitation, for many reasons.

First of all, this is a very young child. The BM has been primary caregiver since birth via staying at home. She also can tailor her work hours around the child, especially regarding school/sick/holidays etc, which benefits the child. And there's the problem of the STBX already demonstrating he will use the child to manipulate the BM. With Shared parenting/50-50 custody he will be able to do that for life. The only way to avoid putting the kid through that is to have one parent have full legal custody and the other have liberal visitation. I happen to think the courts too easily allow 50-50, when people won't be able to handle it. There should be a psych eval in my opinion and lots of classes mandated to rule out those who simply can't collaborate in their kid's best interest.

In our cases, I do shared parenting with my ex and his w. It works swimmingly. We get along so well some people think it's weird. But the kids benefit big time.

Then, in my DH's case, they started with shared legal/physical parenting, but BM could not do it at all. Every medical, religious, educational, extracurricular, decision (everything from birthday parties to haircuts to teeth cleanings) had to be approved by both parents, and BM simply said no to everything, or went behind DH's back. She refused to collaborate, no matter what was in SD's best interest, even saying yes to things like basketball, then taking SD to dinner or a movie instead of practice on her nights while encouraging SD to drop out because she wasn't good at it.) That's what helped us win FC later, but that year long legal battle, done years after a divorce is so costly both mental and financial to all parents and the kid in particular. So I see it as better to get it over with from the get go, especially since it's already apparent that this BF will abuse shared parenting, and use it as a tool to continue to manipulate BM.

But I would also suggest giving liberal visitation. First of all this tells the court that she is reasonable, and not trying to keep the child all to herself. I would ask the atty about what sort of language she should put in regarding visitation. For instance if he has to travel for business, or work on weekends, and isn't able to spend time with the child, that he offer BM the additional time with the child before other sitters. And vise versa if she has a need to leave town.

She is likely entitled to spousal support, but I'm not sure how much since they haven't been married long. She may want to use this as a bargaining tool if she feels capable of supporting herself completely. I did. And I was staying at home when I divorced. Letting go of spousal support gave me some leverage. I let go of everything financial except regarding my kids, but didn't take much CS there either. I don't recommend that one, as I was making a third of what he was making, but only got the amount alloted for one child when we had two. That was a miscommunication on the part of my Ex's atty, that was slightly unethical as they both pretended not to know I didn't understand I was accepting half what I should have. It all worked out, but tell her to be careful. Having her own atty is mandatory. I didn't to save money, and that doesn't save you in the end for sure. Be fair and reasonable, even when her STBX is not. Be consistent, and do everything the court asks of you or more. We simply outlasted BM in every area, especially offering to continue mediation and she wanted no part of it. She only showed herself more uncooperative as we went along.

As long as most courts are BM biased, it might as well help those who deserve it. Goodluck to your friend.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra