Greetings,
Thank you Dawn for getting the site back up, it's good to check in with so many I wondered about!

In my arena, no job prospects as of yet. My days have been actually pretty good, working on art, reading, visiting with friends, it's actually nice except for the financial stress.

One of the casualties of my job loss has been any movement on the legal procedures for custody of SD14 has had to go on the backburner. We simply can't afford it. Meanwhile, BM hasn't said anything about her reduced CS (as a result of F having it revised, not connected to my job) though it only happened 1/2 way through last month, so perhaps she doesn't know the extent of it. I also don't know how often she gets her check, so that may still blow up, who knows.

Once again the subject of SD living with us came up between F and BM and BM said "that will never happen, but move to my town and maybe we'll talk about it" more controlling bs, we're supposed to pack up our lives and move for a maybe, not to mention our town just got a brand new high school, which SD wants to go to. And of course F doesn't argue, just takes it all, it drives me crazy, especially when he relays the story to me and it's all I can do to not start yelling and saying "why didn't you say X????" "How could you let her say that, you KNOW that;s not true"r whatever. He's already getting it from her, I don't need to add to his burden. He KNOWS how I feel, no amount of me yelling about it is going to make it any easier.

SD for her part isn't doing very well. On the surface she seems fine, happy, eager to have fun with her dad and I, the usual. But she just got demoted from 2 of her level 1 classes b/c she's failing. I'm at a loss, we were completely blindsided by this b/c she was telling us since the semester started she was doing well. We only have her Sat evening through Sunday afternoon, so it's not like there's a TON we can do, though we ask her about her studies, what she's learning, what's interesting, what kind of assignments she has, how she's done on them and tests, all of that, and there's been no sign this was coming.

I'm so upset about this, partly b/c of how we found out (BM calling and snootily telling F that he has to pick SD up tomm and bring her to cheerleading b/c SD is failing and needs to stay after for extra help because BM has a dr. appt) so now he has to leave to leave work early, but also WHEN we found out, I.E. too late to do anything about it.

F thinks that she's failing trying to get her mom's attention. SD's stock with BM plummeted with the arrival of her last child (now 2) and SD feels like she'll matter even less when the next blessed towheaded child arrives (end of next month). I really can't see that being the case. At 10, maybe, but SD is almost 15, and has pretty much written off her mother. I do think she has poor study habits and a bad study environment at her moms, and she's generally unhappy b/c her wants and needs are being disregarded there, so she's "acting out" in one of the few aspects of her life that she has control over.

This is exactly the type of thing I was afraid would happen. She's in high school now, and grades COUNT when thinking in terms of college and a future. it's not fair that her future is being put at risk b/c her mother is too stubborn and hates F too much to give SD what she wants.

Plus she no longer likes cheerleading, and her mother insists she continue, but if she fails, she won't be ALLOWED to do it, so in the end, she'll get what she wants at least in this regard, but at a very high price.

Any thoughts on this and what we can do?

Finally, my parents visited yesterday and met SD for the first time. It went very well, she's a great kid, none of that hiding in her room playing video games or talking on the phone or whatever, and my parents were very impressed. I don't know if this resonates for any of you, but not having kids of my own, my parents have been anxious yet a bit fearful of getting to know SD. On the one had, they would LOVE to have a grandchild (I'm an only child) but on the other, don't want to get too attached given I got divorced in the past, etc. Anyway, SD seemed to like them very much, and they her. F has no relationship with his family to speak of, so it's nice to be able to include her in some extended family time, plus my mom has been so good about listening to all the BS with BM (who called 5 times yesterday afternoon while my parents were visiting) it's nice to finally have her meet the kid who's become a big part of my life.

Thanks for listening everyone