One week shy of a year, position eliminated--Step related only peripherally
Usually getting up at 11:00 am on a weekday would be cause for a smile, but in this instance, I'm just getting up b/c I woke up at 3:00 am and spent the next 6.5 hours alternately crying, laughing, and fuming angry, all the while trying to distract myself with books, websites and LOL cats (the LOL cats worked the best).
The reason for this latest round of insanity? As of 10:30 yesterday morning, my "position was eliminated" and I was thereby laid off. Yup, by 10:33 I was home on my couch wondering WTF just happened. I'll try to explain it to you, maybe one of you trusted friends can explain it to me.
I've been pretty unhappy in my job for the last few months. About 6 months ago, the decision to bring back a former employee that I did not mesh well with was made, and since the day she arrived back, she progressively chipped away more and more at my authority, responsibility, and while I always handled this with grace and a professional demeanor, her position was a higher level than mine and she made almost 2x what I made, so there was little I could do except keep putting myself out there, asking for work, offering help, which didn't I guess make a difference in the end.
My direct boss, and also this woman's boss, was out of the office most of the summer between illness, family emergency and vacation, there was never a good time to talk with her, and I basically had no leadership or guidance that entire time. Just last week I decided regardless of whether was a good time or not, I had to try to talk to her. I had a brief private meeting with her, and told her I was concerned that I could be doing more work, and hoped for more opportunities to be useful. She told me that much of my job had to do with summer, and it was a down time for that aspect of my work. Also I had been hired to do work on two summer programs in specific, the fate of which was not yet determined, so she asked me for patience and to "wait". Okay, fair enough. I took this to mean wait because work will pick up again, or we will reshuffle things to give you additiional responsibilities. What a mistake, I had no idea I was waiting to get eliminated.
Yesterday a woman I did not know came into the office and went straight to my boss' office. About 5 minutes later I was called in as a follow up of the conversation I had with my boss the week before. I sat down and listened as I was told that my job was being eliminated, and effective immediately, I was out of work. My boss, with tears in her eyes, said this was the hardest thing she had had to do professionally, said she knew how "devastating" this was, and how it was not a reflection on my performance but on hers because she was unable to continue the summer programs she was working on. I doubt these tears had much to do with me personally, but more to do with being put in the undesirable confrontational position she had to be in to convey this to me.
I sat there and nodded dumbly as all this was said to me. I was waiting for the "but here's the new job that is going to work for you" part of the conversation, but after my boss left and the HR woman began to explain my severance package, I realized that part was not going to come, and I'm not ashamed to say I started crying. I KNOW I did nothing to deserve this, nothing to bring this on myself, and I have never in my life been treated so shoddily by an employer.
The HR person seemed compassionate to me in my situation, and I am meeting with her next week to review my resume to see if there are any other openings on campus. Apparently I have the option of temping for various departments (no benefits) should I wish to do so to earn some money while I try to wait it out for another job there, or try for other jobs elsewhere. I would truly prefer to stay at this place if there is any way I can make that work, due to the excellent benefits package there, and the laughable proximity to my home.
And just like that it was over, my boss supervised me packing up my things at my desk, and I turned in my ID and keys, and that was the end of that. Because I handled money in my job capacity, I was expected to leave immediately so that in my disgruntlement, I couldn't wreak havoc on all that.
So what's next? I wish I knew, that would solve a lot of my problems. I am NOT happy about starting over again, from scratch, but as many close to me in my life have pointed out, perhaps this is the best thing that could have happened, I was unhappy in my job, but scared to make a move, and this is certainly the catalyst to do that.
I'm scared, I know how long it took to find this job, and I'm afraid that between the money I still have coming to me, unemployment and my savings, and my consulting work, it won't be enough to last through what could be a very difficult time.
I'm angry, because I applied for several other jobs with this employer and was passed along from job to job because I was overqualified, and then they created a position for me, only to eliminate it almost a year to the day later. And also because of the constant parties for other employees, welcome backs, baby showers, luncheons, etc and I leave in disgrace, I didn't even have the opportunity to say goodbye to some of my coworkers before being ushered to the door. It's just not right to treat people like that. I'm already getting emails from people saying "WTF happened" but per the separation package, I can't explain exactly that.
I feel betrayed, b/c this woman said to my face she was commited to me professionally, and then did the opposite. And because not a week ago she had the opportunity to warn me that something like this was happening, and she didn't take it, she let me be completely broadsided by it, f#ck you very much.
And I'm embarrassed especially, to have to tell SD. I know she looks up to me, and I have tried so hard to be a good role model for her. I don't know that she'll understand the difference between getting fired and getting laid off, and I'm not sure I do either, I can't help but believe if you are valuable enough, they'll find a way to keep you. My feelings on this point illuminate to me just how deeply I care about SD, and are a surprising biproduct of an all around craptastic situation.
And though I am feeling pretty hopeless right now, and all of the things that I just mentioned too, I also feel grateful. Grateful for so many messages of support and condolences that I have received in the last 24 hours, from friends, family and my I guess ex coworkers. Whatever the immediate outcome of this current situation, I know i'm doing something right to have so many people in my life, and while there is no denying this is a dark hour for me, I can't help but feel blessed for all the love and support I have.
Finally, I have to thank my beloved F for coming to my rescue yesterday. I called him at work to tell him what had transpired, and he was home hugging me not an hour later. I don't know what I would have done yesterday other than disintegrate under the pressure of all of this, but his love and support made it possible for me to see that somehow, someway, this will work out, and I'll be better for it, though it may not seem that way now.
Thanks for listening, thanks for the support
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Comments
I'm sorry!
You're right. You didn't deserve this and it sucks. I'm so sorry you're going thru this.
As someone who's been laid off before AND the HR person who's had to deliver that horrible messages to many folks, I know how you feel. Just try and take it one day at a time, that's all you can do. Take the help in looking for a new job and make it a good opportunity for you.
Don't worry for one minute about how SD will feel about any of this. If nothing else your grace in dealing with the situation will show her a great example that sometimes, sh*t happens. What matters is how you dig yourself out.
Hugs
thanks littlegrlz
I actually commented to the HR woman exactly that, basically I was crying, and apologized for being emotional, and expressed that this must be a very hard part of her job and I did not mean to make it harder for her. She looked shocked, I guess most people when faced with personal devastation don't take the time to consider the feelings of the person who has to deliver the message. That's when she made the offer to meet with her next week, hopefully it'll work out.
Thank you for the support, I just don't want SD to feel like "oh here we go" given her mom and her stepdad's employment history and their family's financial difficulties as a result. Big differences exist, since I do have some income from my consulting work, plus my unemployment, and F is of course still gainfully employed, but still... :S
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
So Sorry!
I hate that for you. I would not worry about what SD would think. Besides you do not have to tell her everything. Let her know that you are looking for a new job as your were unhappy in the old one and feel that you need a change. Why go into all of it with her? What is your profession?
Head Up Young Person!
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your kind words, and I think you're right, telling her I'm looking for something else I'll like better should be enough. The biggest kicker at the moment is the loss of my health and dental insurance next month, but that's a pretty personal impact, I will still have money for a while so it's not like we're in financial trouble YET, and she won't need to know that.
I'd still rather let her know a bit though, basically b/c I don't want her to feel lied to down the road should one of us slip and mention it in her presence. She trusts me now, and I've always been very upfront with this young woman, and I'd like to keep our relationship on that track.
I've been administering an Ivy league college program for the past year, basically middle management. Before that I worked for 8 years as program coordinator/developer for a state school where, due to unions, they could never pull crap like this!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
I am so sorry to hear about
I am so sorry to hear about your being laid off. I have been in your shoes, and it does s*ck.
Thanks Frustrated, I
Thanks Frustrated, I appreciate your support! This is the first time I've tried these shoes on, and let me tell ya, they are NOT comfortable!
Funny how last week I was whining about vacations, now I gotta whine about making my car payments!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Sita's book club- this is really an opportunity
To figure out what you really want to do.
I know it may not be the best time to invest in a book BUT...
Go borrow or buy "WHEN GOD WINKS" by SQuire Rushnell.
You will fee fantastic by the time you are done with the first chapter.
Sometimes, we need fate to kick us in the pants out of our comfort zone so we can remember our dreams and pursue them.
Best of luck!
"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra
Northern - I am so sorry -
Northern - I am so sorry - this happened to me 2 a few years back, it was devastating and came out of nowhere!! Hang in there, everytime one door is closed, God opens another..
Sita - you always have the most wonderful outlook on everything. Can you do me a favor and send me a list fo your top 10 best reads? I need some of that positivity in my life.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin
Thanks Serendipity, I know I
Thanks Serendipity, I know I should be grateful, we have my F's income, and didn't make any of the huge life changes we have been discussing, including buying a home, having a baby, etc, plus I still have some income, and a wealth of good people who are supportive and caring, I am blessed in many ways in these ways, and it could indeed, be much worse. I could have loved my job too, but instead I didn't like it and didn't think it was right for me, so in the end, they did me a backhanded favor basically tossing me out of my comfort zone.
May I respectfully add a book called "Life is So Good" to the list? I read it as part of my psychology training, and keep a few copies of it on hand at my house to give to people who I think are at a crossroads and need to read it.
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
maybe I'm a bit old
maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but I don't ever consider a book to be a poor investment of money. I'll look it up on alibris, I get a discount there from being a frequent shopper.
You're absolutely right, I know I was not working to my potential and the job where I hoped to expand my skillset actually collapsed back to the very first professional job I had about 9 yrs ago, and was even less fullfilling, just with a snazzier title.
Thank you for the support!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Hate to hear this...
Even if a kick in the pants gets you moving and sends you in the right direction it's still a kick in the pants and is never comfortable! I wouldn't worry about letting SD know, I think she has a wonderful opportunity to learn from you the right way to go about handling a difficult situation - she is very lucky she has you! She'll see you being responsible with the new budget, she'll see you making sound decisions about how to go forward... this is nothing like what she sees with her mother/step-dad and she will recognize that.
I can't believe how things like that are handled in the corporate world, we've had lay-offs here this spring and summer too. One guy had 18 years with the company and was in the middle of having a new house built – he had NO idea it was coming. On the plus side though, he had a new job within maybe 6 weeks and is now making more than he was here… which I’m SURE is how it will work out for you!
Give yourself at least a few days to let your poor brain settle down, then you can start thinking about what you WANT to do. If it's still in the education field it sounds like you have no shortage of contacts and references, I wouldn't be surprised if you started hearing about opportunities pretty soon!
I’m sending all the positive thoughts I can… let me know how the job hunt goes and how you’re doing.
Thanks Semi, it's
Thanks Semi, it's appreciated. I'm just slowly coming around to the idea that maybe I could find something I actually enjoy, and that would be WONDERFUL!
I emailed my last boss who called me as soon as she got the email (5 min max) and talked to me for about an hour. She is SO wonderfully supportive and kind, it really went a long way in reassuring me that I do have a great deal to offer, and if I wasn't happy there, I SHOULD seize the opportunity to improve the situation.
While she can't hire me back b/c I've been replaced and there isn't $$ to create a position (plus I live too far) she is going to kick me more consulting work than I have been receiving, so between that and my unemployment, for at least the next six months, I shouldn't see a change in my income at all really. Plus F just filed to have the CS reduced (found out he's been overpaying for 8 yrs) so we will have more income in that regard too.
The biggest issue short term is my health insurance, I lose it at the end of next month. Thankfully SD is on F's policy, so it'll just be me, but it's still cause for concern. F mentioned pushing up our wedding plans so I can join his policy, and I think that's very very sweet, but I want to marry for the right reason, b/c we're in love and we want to celebrate that, not for something so mundane as health insurance. I don't know...
I hope SD sees it that way too. Right now she's only with us one night a week, so I doubt she'll see much in the way of difference. Maybe not renting 30 dollars worth of movies at Blockbuster and spending more time playing games with the family, which she loves, so I guess it's not so bad
I totally hear what you're saying about the corporate world. Another employee recently left, and said the biggest thing he learned was that NO ONE is looking out for you and your best interests. He was a temp, in his first job. I told him what happened and emphasized you don't have to be a temp to have that same lesson apply, 10 yrs experience in education, and you're still a disposable commodity. It's sad, but it's true...
I may go back into the arts. I don't know, it's a hard business to work in, money is always being stretched too far, and often the work overflows out of a standard 40 hour workweek, that was my biggest problem with it. But there's a humanity to it that seems absent in at least this last job I left. I do have decent connections and stellar references in that area, so it's possible I may find something
Thank you for all the positive thoughts, I really appreciate the support!!!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
Awww crap!
I'm so sorry to hear about this! It sucks to be treated that way and it's awful the way that they treat people now of days like you are a criminal or something. I have gone through something similiar when I was out on maternity leave of all things to find out my job had been "elimanted" - this was 20 years ago and they could get away with this crap. Even though it was rough for a couple of weeks I picked myself back up and got back out there because I have confidence in myself and i have only gotten better and better jobs since and so WILL YOU. I agree though that it was pretty rotten of your boss not to give you a heads up to as what was going on so you could have explored other options - as we all know a lot of people just don't give a crap about anyone but themselves. It's hard because we are not like that and would never dream of treating someone like that - it is just not our nature. I'm glad to hear that your F was there right away to be there for you - that was totally sweet. Don't worry about SD im sure if you explain it she will understand and she won't even think twice about it. You are a smart chickie and you will find a BETTER job soon and one day you will look back at this (I promise you will) and laugh and say I can't believe I actually got upset about that stupid job I am SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW. Keep your chin up we are all here for you!!!!
Thank you Ema How awful
Thank you Ema
How awful that that happened to you during your maternity leave. I thought that keeping your job was the POINT of that!
I think the thing that's been bothering me the most was the way that it was handled. I wouldn't feel so bad if I hadn't been treated to poorly. In June I got a stellar performance review and was given the maximum alloted performance bonus, and now three months later I get laid off? I just don't see how that can happen. I also could easily make myself nuts wondering how long this has been in the works, who knew, etc. I find it very telling indeed that every single one of my coworkers has written or called to express their shock and sadness, including the people who worked under me, everyone EXCEPT that woman I didn't get along with who basically took my job and responsibilities. Coincidence? They SAY it's b/c the programs I had been administering were eliminated, but what they're not saying is that to make room for this woman they took away my ADDITIONAL job functions, the things that gave my job security beyond pilot programs.
When they did this, I felt that concern, I was worried about the longevity of a position based on pilot projects, but I reassured myself that I was appreciated and needed,and if those programs didn't work out, they would find some additional work for me to keep me on. That was a big mistake, I should have spoken up when I had the chance.
All in all, I am trying to focus on the fact that if I'm in a place where this is potentially how employees are treated, there's nothing valuable about that at all. I don't treat people like that, nor should I be treated that way, and I will be better off elsewhere. It's just a hard thing b/c I try very hard to be responsible, pay my bills, take care of those I love, etc and the uncertainty long term is frightening, but I know it'll work out, hell, I'm a kick ass waitress too, and that's cash in hand in a day if I'm ever that hurting!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.
maybe get copies...
of prior performance reviews, it can't hurt to have that stuff. I believe you are legally entitled to anything in your personnel file. Then again you already have a reputation in your field so it might not matter... unless you decide to change fields
Thank you semi for all your support!
I left a folder called "position related files" in my desk at work that had all that stuff in it. I hope in my meeting with HR I can request that back, or if not, get a copy of exactly that. It definitely can't hurt!
from my SD, the reason we're going through it all....:
o, btw, my dad and *northernsiren* are the best family a girl(and boy) could ever hope for. Thank you for helpping me through these hard times.