Seriously!!
Just called the school to give the office my new ph# so they could update my daughter's info. They know me bc I volunteer and asked if I wanted SS info chg as well. I said not if it means someone can get a hold of our # from the teacher, and they said they would tell the teacher not to give it out.
The lady in the office then informs me that she won't be able to talk to the teacher today bc SS is on a field trip to the State Museum, WHAT??!!!
No one told us this-since the change in transportation order we have not seen a single graded paper nor have we seen a permission slip for this. BM always says its bs how my H never goes on FT with SS or anything (gee, could it be he works unlike her!) and then she doesn't even tell us? They have JC and her lack of communication is astounding! She has email capabilities and our ph# wasn't chg until midnight last night! She had plenty of time to call us! Never did though, but our $$ can go to pay for this crap we just don't need to know about it!
Whatever, now I am pissed off.
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How selfish of her!
Mark that on the list of parental alienation. She prob even tells your SS dad didn't want to go, what a monster. I sure wish there was some way parents like that would have to pay for that kind of behavior.
Will DH talk to her about it, or is it even worth it? I'm sorry to hear it, I'd be pissed too.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
I think you have to take the
I think you have to take the bull by the horns. If your DH wants all of his rights, he is going to have to go after them . HE is going to have to ask the teachers to send two sets of papers, HE is going to have to make sure that HE asks the school about upcoming events. HE is going to have to speak with the teacher/principal about this stuff. BM is not going to help him have his rights w/ his son. My fiance has learned the hard way that his ex is not going to do one single thing she isn't ordered to do by a judge, and even then she tries to get around it and not do what she should.
I have finally helped him begin to understand that if he wants to see school work, he will have to go after it. He will have to make extra effort if he wants to be involved and informed. He was assuming that she was going to do the decent thing. She didn't even let him see a copy of the recent state acheivement test scores. Apparently it isn't very important to him because he hasn't asked her or the school for a copy. His loss. I can help him with a lot, but they aren't going to release that info to me, and frankly I am getting tired of being the one willing to do the extra work.
Why would she have to?
If I was a bm I wouldn't feel it necessary to call my ex about that stuff, I feel that is the schools responsibility or your dh's responsibility to find out through the school. I think if I were you I'd be happy that the lady wasn't calling you about little crap. If anything you see the ex's who use the kids as an excuse to bug the heck out of you. I always say, you can call the school, doctors, dentists ect. don't have to go through the bm at all.
In Joint Custody Cases...
the physical custodial parent MUST let the other one know of all the notices sent by school home. THIS IS SPECIFIED IN THE DIVORCE DECREE. When physical custodial parent doesn't do that, he/she is clearly in VIOLATION of the court order.
what comes around, goes around !
Hate to be her when it comes around! Hang in there!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Its your
Its your dh's responsibility to do those things on his own. It would be much easier than continually placing blame on the bm, and focusing on someone that is out of the picture. You can easily get with the school, and at some point you'll realize your wasting oxygen dwelling..bm did this..did that.
I don't tell my BF
BF made such a fool of himself at conferences in kindergarden that I don't tell him anything unless he asks. He got a copy of the school calander that day but never came to any events except the winter program with his parents. He knows what school BD goes to and can get the info himself. Our order states he has access to the info and all he has to do is show the order and he gets it. But he never has.
BF also knows where she goes to the doctor, the docs name and the daycare info but does not use it. His loss. Not my problem.
I think maybe I had some
I think maybe I had some misdirected anger gong on.
I wasn't upset with the school, I wasn't upset with SS,
and really I didn't care that SS went on a FT. I just get tired of
this:
When a child who has a Father that WANTS to be involved for some reason people want to say that the Father should do all this calling around and chasing information down, like he should somehow find time to do that while working and raising other children. Yes, he has to make a priority list. Yes, he should make a little effort.
However-This BM is a SAHM who lives in her parents home paying no bills and having no responsibility but taking care of herself and SS. I know that being a parent is a lot of work, I stay home with my 2 daughters and SS when he is here. I am not undermining BM as a person or a Mother.
I believe that since she schedules ALL Ortho, DR, whatever appts during school hours (very early in the AM, or during school or like 3pm right when school is out, meaning she has to pick him up and take him because DH is at work and cannot leave.) She sch these appts like that on purpose. Does not notify ahead of time 99% of the time-so. Is DH supposed to make random ph calls to these places? He has had a couple places tell him that he does not have custody of his child and so he cannot get the info. Now-what does that tell us? That tells us she has told them that. Why? So that she can tell herself "Well, yet another appt went by and SS didn't want to go so he didn't." It becomes our word against hers about wether or not we knew. SS teachers are fed up. Court dates, SS being irresponsible, turning in a TON of work late and still getting a grade (school policy says he doesnt get credit if it is late). They don't want to send anything extra home, they won't do it. They will not e-mail and if you inquire as to why they didn't they tell you the exact # of e-mails they have sent to you, remind you that they took off work for "your son" remind you that they work with "your son" on their lunch break, they allow "your son" to turn in late assignments for credit they really don't deserve-basically a how dare you ask me questions after all we are the ones trying to help them.
I know that some of you are BM who BF doesnt use the info you have provided him-however if you have JC you are required to tell the other party all these things. It kind of makes people feel wierd when they think their child is at school, only to find out they are downtown Indianapolis with their class. No one at the school wants to hear this, been there done that about 50 times. Not me, my DH. He has tried and tried only to be basically scoffed at like he's soooo annoying for trying to get info. How do all you BM know that DH isn't trying to get this info and have found once they try that they are not going to get it no matter what?!
We have shown court orders to schools, Drs, you name it. They do not care and will not abide.
We are getting ready to step down and let BM have full physical custody. That way, when DH calls the Dr or calls the school or doesn't get told about appts, his heart doesn't ache like it does.
This is a genuinly concerned Father, not a father who has the info and won't use it. Do I always agree with him? No. Do I think there are different ways to do things? Yes. BUT-I will always defend him. I have watched him make the biggest effort of his life trying to be a part of SS life, and each time he is told a different story about why he is not and cannot be.
When we step down BM will find out what a full time job is. Right now, we have a lot of "extra" Onights. We are letting her have them back. SS is failing in school, showing bad behavior, and what we see is a child who is mimicking the bahavior of the parent SS cannot stand. However, we as a family, cannot stand to feel bad about the failures, and the other issues at hand. BM will find out that it's not all milk and cookies and as SS grows older and knows his opinion matters to the court (just a short year away) she is going to have a major problem on her hands and when she tries to tell someone about it we are not going to be the sounding board. Neither are we going to allow the SS to come live with us just because he wants to. Surely the court knows best, right? After all they have been calling the shots for decades, deciding in a few hours which person is "better" for the child.
A simple solution to this is to stop worrying. As long as we know that she is our last hope of knowing things about the SS, we feel left out bc she tells us nothing. As soon as we give that up and stop "hoping" it will be much easier.