she is wanting 100,000.00 if he dies
HA!!! we got something in the mail from her attny. saying that she wants 100,000.00 and no less if he dies overseas. They say that we should just hand her(BM) the money for their daughter.. ummmmmm.... NO!. Its in his will(that is signed by a notary) that if anything happens to him that I am the sole beneficiary and that I will divide up the money with myself and his family( that includes his daughter) He told me that Im to put money aside for his daughter as a college fund and under no curcumstances give it to her mother and that she can have it when she is either 18 or 21. He has the paper work and everything but as long as he doesnt sign it and give it back and set up a date that means nothing right? Im hoping that they cant do somthing behind our backs and if something happens to him her get her way. I wont have it, not over my dead freakin body!! She also requested a reverse of child support and wanting more even after the fact that it was said and done.. taking us to court every damn couple of months isnt gonna make him make any more money!! what do I do about all this damn nonsence! I think I need to borrow Cruella's frying pan!!! aaaaghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- pissedoffinNC.'s blog
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Set up a Trust
My husband has a special needs daughter and won't be able to make a living herself so his attorney gave him the advise to set up a trust so the BM couldn't take me to court if my husbant died. I was told it wasn't enough to just simply state it in a will. If he sets up a trust and makes you the trustee of that trust the BM can't touch anything. You are in control of all of it. I would ask an attorney about a trust it might be safer than just a will.
I will do that
thanks for telling me that because knowing her she would try and take me for everything I would have and that $100,000.00. I just always that that if it was a up to date will that nobody could reverse it or change it no matter how hard they tried. I think we will set up a trust so just in case that does happen I will have all my bases covered.
Ask your attorney because I
Ask your attorney because I guess Trust's are a lot harder to set up than a regular will. We haven't done it yet because like everything else it costs money, but I am hoping we can do it this year. Good luck.
If she wants...
a $100,000 Life Insurance Policy on her ex-husband, she can go buy one and pay for it. If he has a will, he can name whomever he wants as a beneficiary of HIS money....
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
We carry $250k to BM for the skids.
And frankly, I don't give a shit. Naturally, when they were married, she was the beneficiary of his SGLI at $250k. She asked that this not change when they divorced and he agreed. I don't have a problem with it. She also has a life insurance policy on herself for the kids. It's the adult thing to do. If anything happened to either one of them, then the remaining parent would incur the sole expense of raising and educating those children. It stands to reason that they would each have a life insurance policy naming the other as beneficiary.
When we got married, we got a second policy through Navy Mutual Aid Assoc. for $500k for our family. It's cheap and it's there, just in case. I'm a Marine wife, too. My DH retired two years ago... eighteen times in combat over his twenty-year career and he's still alive, but if he'd been KIA, I sure as hell would NOT want to be saddled with the job of dividing the money up and making sure his kids got their share. Give her the money and let her deal with it, I say. If anything happened to him, I certainly would not want to spend the rest of my life fighting with his ex-wife over money.
If she wants $100k, then give her the $100k and let her be the beneficiary for benefit of the daughter. Tack on another $100k (or whatever amount is necessary)for you to divide as you see fit. It's not like it's expensive and, really, it's not worth fighting about. Trust me. If he drops dead tomorrow, putting it in a college fund is not going to do his daughter any good if her mother can't afford to provide her with food, clothing and shelter until she's old enough to go to college. The college fund is great and if he wants to put some in trust for that, then that's wonderful, but she'll need financial support before then, as well, to see her through to age 18. It's pretty standard that the parent paying CS be required to have a life insurance policy. Dying doesn't mean their children don't still need that money to live. I mean, can you see the irony of this child living in poverty while she has $100k in a college fund somewhere?! This isn't about the BM being trustworthy at all, it's about providing for the child. It's inexpensive to give her what she wants and it's not an unreasonable request. She could be asking for (and getting!) a lot more.
Check out www.navymutual.org for an inexpensive life insurance policy. It's cheaper than SGLI.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
Wow, I didnt know that she
Wow, I didnt know that she could take out a life insurance policy on him as an ex husband.. thats kinda scary. Well thats her thinking though.. "what can I get out of them?" I know that she knows that I wouldnt leave his daughter without college money and besides she would be able to get social security for her because of his death, shes just a greedy bitch. She just feels entitled to something and she isnt.
But why do you think she's not entitled?
The money is not for her, it's for the child. As the child's mother and as the sole surviving parent, I think she IS entitled to some life insurance to help defray the cost of raising this child alone. There may be other facets to your situation that make her a greedy bitch, but I don't think it's unreasonable for her to expect him to have a life insurance policy. Who is going to pay the child support if he's dead? No one. The life insurance policy would do that. The best way for YOU to protect YOURSELF from her coming after you in the event of his death is to have a separate policy payable to her for the $100k she wants. We're paying NMAA around thirty bucks for a $750k policy. It's not expensive. I would rather pay for the insurance than have the BM come after ME if DH dies.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
Shouldn't it be HER responsibility?
In my husband's divorce decree, each parent is required to buy a life insurance on the other. (He pays for a policy on her, she pays for him) That way if the premium isn't paid....who can she blame besides herself?
I agree that my husband's ex-wife is "entitled" to the social security benefits should he pass away along with any other benefit that assists her in taking care of her children; but paying for a life insurance policy that benefits her - I just think that it's a responsibility she should take on herself. Just like I wouldn't expect her to pay for an insurance policy on herself that would benefit my husband should she pass.
For me (in my own personal situation), DH is BMs lifeline. Should he die, BM would need to start paying for daycare, health insurance, and compensate for the monthly support she receives. If BM passed away, DH would be just fine. So shouldn't BM be the one to step up and incur the expense? Where is the line drawn....when does DH stop having to take care of her?
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
I don't think BM is entitled to anything
I agree if she's worried about it she can take out her own insurance policy and pay for it herself.
I wouldn't take a dime of my ex's insurance policy, just like I didn't from his retirement fund, from the house he inherrited (my name was on the deed so I was legally entitled) etc. I feel that I am not entitled. I am no longer his wife. If something happened to him she would need all of it or go bankrupt.
BM's need to secure their child's future without depending on their ex and his insurance policy. I am now sole beneficiary of DH's policy. We will designate his brother (God father to SD) as executor in the event something happens to both of us. BM drove H into terrible debt while they were married, and when DH returned from Iraq in 03 he tried to withdrawl 30 bucks to go to dinner and received an "insufficent funds" notice instead of his money. BM had blown through ALL of his non-taxable income, or she had deposited it to her own account that he didn't find out about til after their divorce. She is greedy and she isn't blowing SD's future. I will take care of the money should something happening to DH.
I plan on using that leverage to retain custody as well. Even with all our problems SD has said she would still want to live with me, my sons, and her baby sister. We are a family, and I am the main parent in her life. She knows somewhere in her heart her mom is unstable. We know legally that we would have a fight with the court to stop them from giving SD back to BM, but we also know BM really doesn't want her. She only fought us to try to hold onto CS, and not to pay herself. So if I tell her there's no money to her for SD, and if I gave up CS payments, we are pretty sure she would walk away.
I am a convenient baby sitter BM really doesn't want to part with.
Oh- and we chose BIL as executor, and he will control a trust for SD b/c he is amazing with money. Also he and BM hate each other so she would likely try anything before asking him for money for SD.
I would stand firm on this one.
Peace, love, and red wine
I see your point Anne but
I see your point Anne but the thing is I dont want to just write off a check to her and say "here" and her go and piss it all away on herself and have no interest in their daughter and I wouldnt think that at all if I didnt already know what she was like. Its sad but true. I know its not my problem if she pisses it away but I would feel horrible for my step daughter and there would be nothing that I could do to prevent her from doing something like that.
What I want to know is
shouldn't the custodial parent have life insurance too??? DH is required to carry life insurance that covers what his CS would have been if paid till each boy is 18, it is in the decree. She is not required in the decree, so what happens if the bitch get's struck by lightening? ( okay I am the one who will get struck down for that one) DH asked her about it once & she refused to answer him back.. her classic response when she knows he will not like her answer. Probably leaving everything to her boyfriend.
So if she dies we are stuck with the financial burden of raising the kids, but if he dies she hits pay dirt. So much for equality...even more reason to outlive her.
When we thought DH had cancer last year we discussed & if he died I would write out one lump check & be done with her crap. However DH feels I would be better writing out a check eah month so she would be forced to allow the boys to see their brother.
My new school of thought is this let her threaten to take away time ect... the boys love us & would never go for that crap. They want to be with their dad & they love & miss their brother when they are not with us.
yeah thats another ? that
yeah thats another ? that comes to mind doesnt it? so its like a two sided sword I guess. I know that Annes perspective makes sence in every way I just worry about his daughter, even though she isnt mine I still treat and worry about her like she is my own. If there was some way that I could know that her mother wasnt using it for her own luxoury I would be happy and I know that will never happen.
Ours would use the $$
to pay off her mortgage. Because as she tells us that is what her CS is for.
I always worry about what her family would be like if she died. Her nasty Hitler supporter ( I am not being funny here people) father would think he should have custody. He & DH do not get along so I would have to be the go between. Ewwee. He is close to 70 so here's hoping BM outlives her parents.
LOL, that's MY plan!
Yep, I'd pay off my mortgage first thing. And so would BM, likely. But that would just mean that the amount that used to be spent on the house payment would now be available for the raising of the kids, since she would no longer be getting the CS. Who cares if it's coming from monthly CS or from a life insurance policy? They still have to eat. I love my skids very much and it's taken me YEARS to come to accept the fact that it just doesn't matter what I think... I didn't choose BM to be their mother, DH did. They decide their children's fate, not me. I can discipline them when they are with me. I can love them from afar. I can give advice when it's requested. But I can't tell her how to spend her CS, which does include putting a roof over their heads, and I can't tell her what to do with the life insurance. She'll either use it wisely or not, but either way, it's not my problem and I really don't want it to be. I think if you can get a cheap policy that will shut 'em up, it's worth the few bucks each month to know that I won't have to deal with her if he drops dead.
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
Sounds like she is planning to bump him off to
get her hands on that money is what it sounds like. It also sounds like she doesn't want to do it "the adult way" and that all she's interested in is the $$ for HER benefit, not her daughter's best interest. It also sounds like she's banking on him dying really soon. Be careful and have your DH watch his back. Whether or not she's really thinking along those lines, if someone said that to me it would make the hair on my back stand up straight. Maybe it's just me, but that's what it sounds like. If it were me, I would do the trust thing so as to make it airtight. But what if she still hounds you for the money and stalks you for it? Sounds like the same antics most of the BM's do when they have nothing better to do...
Of course this whole subject is really going on the idea that something is going to happen to your husband. That's scary and sad because she sounds desperate. It's kind of morbid actually. It sounds like she's hit a financial problem and she's trying to think of ways to get more $$$ out of him. So sad.
What is it with these women? Do they all read from the same book of bull?
MamaJenn24
My brother ran into this before heading to Iraq
what he did was placed in a will that his new wife will be trustee of his estate, and she was to set aside money for him to receive when he turns 18.
Before you do anything, check with an attorney in your state to see what your dh's estate is liable for when it comes to children of the deceased. In my state, I will not be liable for anything for my ss if my dh dies. If my dh passes away before ss turns 18, then cs just goes away. However, his mother can go down to social security office an apply for benefits for her son to receive my dh's ss pension benefits.
Anne has some very valid points 1. life insurance policies are cheap and easy to obtain 2. the children shouldn't suffer b/c their parent dies therefore they don't have adequate homes to live in or meals to eat and 3. it's probably a lot easier and less headache to buy the policy and give her what she wants then it is to fight her tooth and nail for everything.
Some people just really feel a lot of resentment towards paying cs. They feel like it's alimony rather than cs, or they feel that bm's spend the money foolishly (which I'm sure a lot do..). I wouldn't like the idea of my dh's death money paying off a house that bm lives in. She lives with a bf, and as far as I'm concerned her mortgage/lifestyle are her repsonisibility not my dh's. Our bm is hugely irresponsible and spends money like it's going out of style.
For our particular situation, bm will receive ss benefits b/c we pay into it.
Good luck,
Candice
My STBH has a life insurance
My STBH has a life insurance policy that he got when he was married to his ex. Once he was divorced he changed the beneficiary over to his father. It is now up to his father to determine how much money each kid gets. In STBH case no one pays child support. Everything is 50/50. If STBH and I have children together then his father will have to split it amongst all the kids, including ours. I think that if the BM wants money in the event STBH dies then she should be the one who takes out the policy.
You know a lot of people
You know a lot of people just have the life insurance money go to the estate and have a lawyer be the executor who then makes sure the money set aside in the will goes to where it belongs. I would just try to make sure that the life insurance policy covers whatever bills are owed and the money you want set aside for each kid. Then have a trust set up for the kids to go to college. This way their future is taken care of and BM doesn't get any of the money. I believe that if the BM supports herself off the CS money then that is her own damn fault and she needs to get a job. If she has to learn the hard way by not receiving any money when DH passes then oh well. Karma is a bitch.
My SS lives with us and BM
My SS lives with us and BM doesn't pay a red cent in cs even though she has NO other living expenses. She isn't even smart enough to wonder, question, or care about life insurance policies and the like. My husband has 1mil. life insurance policy out on himself. I am the sole benificiary. If anything were to happen to him god forbid there is no way in hell that I would give BM anything. She is a drug addict and couldn't take care of her child bc she was strung out and in and out of rehabs. Everyone knows what that money would be used for. And I am NOT being spiteful. Besides which, whenever my son is asked about going to live with her he has anxiety attacks the poor thing. If my DH passed they would probably terminate her parental rights. All of the judges in our family court are so beyond sick of her. I am the only PARENT that my SS knows. And I would fight her to and nail for him. if I lost? I couldn't bring myself to give her money that she would use inappropriately and place my SS in danger. She lives with her mother and her mother used to take care of him. I would have to assume that she would continue to do the same. I would put money in a trust for him
Life is fleeting but impressions eternal...and yours are forever etched into my soul
yeah the BM that Im dealing
yeah the BM that Im dealing with doenst have living expenses either.. not even a car payment because of the money that my husband was made to fork out about three years ago.. she went and bought herself a new damn car. That money was supposed to be for my step daughter because the BM was pregnant when she left my husband and never told him... we wer thinking that she wasnt sure if it was his at the time.. but thas a LONG STORY but anyways ..so the marines figured that he was to pay child support for the entire time that she was pregnant.. I never understood that one. She got some spousal support while they were being divorced but it wasnt that much the pay dirt that she struck was for my SD. So now she has no car pmnt, lives with her mom and dad, pays no rent, makes 4,000.00 a month.. gets 400.00 in CS for one child ( may not be much but thats like a third of what my H makes) soooooo yeah.. I have an issue with a money hungry BM.
oh yeah by the way.. she had
oh yeah by the way.. she had a car that was fine and working but decided she needed a new one.. not that she didnt have one in the first place.. otherwise I could have MABE understood about the new car thing.
Nickel & Dime...And my Two Cents...
Right now the BM tries to "nickel & dime" us to death. BM continually tries to get us to pay her over & above the court-ordered child support ($5077.92 annually). However we do not give BM anything else except what is outlined in the court order.
Currently there is no clause concerning what happens when DH passes away. There is also no clause about DH paying for anything after SD (7) turns 18 (including college).
I refuse to hand any money over to his EX-wife if my DH dies. Currently BM does not use the CS to provide for SD. SD is usually in clothes that have lots of holes in them, way too small, filthy, etc. Yet BM provides plenty of new clothes, material items, etc for herself. I do not think this is right. Thus if my DH dies then I will not give BM any money.
I do believe BM has the right to file for Social Security benefits for SD if DH dies, but I am not positive. DH does not have a life insurance policy for BM if he dies---nor does she have one on herself.
At this time BM has a job that pays ample enough for BM to support herself & her child. I currently am a SAHM most of the time with a sporatic amount of money (usaully $1000 every 4 to 6 months) that I receive from working. The only amount of money that I MIGHT give to BM, but only if it was court-ordered, is the remaining amount of CS (currently at $50,779.20). Since I am the Executor of my DH's estate then I will make sure this amount comes out of my SD's portion that is stated in the will.
I do not think it is right that my son & myself should have to suffer and potentially lose our home (etc) because of HIS EX WIFE. Do you?
nope! I think you have every
nope! I think you have every right to the way you think.. like I have said before, if the situation was different I might consider it. But the situatuon sucks, the way she spends the money and expects us to just give it to her on a silver platter sucks.. and she can take care of her own damn self and their daughter just fine. She can file to get social security if she wants to. She didnt even want that poor child to have his last name.. my husband fought tooth and nail to get her damn name hyphenated!( thats not what he wanted but the judge ruled that it was to be done) So she feels that his daughter shouldnt have his last name, she wants to be a bitch and hold his daughter from him all the time and violate his parental rights.. she doesnt need his money when hes dead then. Thats how I see it.
Don't you wish that cs was on a scale of how good of a
parent the custodial parent demonstrates? Kind of like how we are paid as employee? If your a good employee and do everything you are suppose to do then you have the potential for bonuses and pay raises? But you can be a poor custodial parent, move every 4 months, surround your kids with questionable people, create parental alienation, and subject your kids to a lot of adult issues and still get paid the same.
I just wish when people had children they said to themselves..."I'm going to do everything in my power to be a good parent.."
NOW THERE'S AN IDEA...
That'd give her incentive....
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
seriously right... we only
seriously right... we only wish..
Ya, no way in hell I would
Ya, no way in hell I would give our BM anything. For what? For the monetary support that she would give her child? Ya right. When he was living with her she didn't have to do these things. I won't pay her to NOT do them now. AND I will NOT let my child or myself suffer for that woman. It isn't going to happen. Unfortunately no matter how bitchy it sounds I'm going to have to say that she is not entitled to a damn penny. That is MY money to hand out how I see fit and the only person other than myself and my daughter that is getting anything is my SS but only when I am certain the HE would get it and not his BM....
Life is fleeting but impressions eternal...and yours are forever etched into my soul