Christmas
My mother came up for Christmas and my daughter is here for most of the week. Its so nice not to have to worry about whether the ex gfs kids are going to throw a fit or when. Its nice not to have to worry about whether they will like what they got or throw a temper tantrum. Shopping for my daughter was much easier than shopping for three kids. My mom's presence has offered a calming influence on the home. Cookies and bratzels and the smell of other baked goodies fill the air.
Yesterday I brought my "old little brother" from Big Brothers/Big Sisters here. He is now 16 years old and has told me I was a great influence on his life. Helped him grow up into a good person -- and he is a good person. So as I reflect, for 4 years I was a positive influence on a 16 year old who is growing up to be a good man. I have a wonderful loving and caring 12 year old daughter. My mother is here and while she misses her husband, she has her granddaughter to keep her company.
My practice is growing quickly again and I feel better and better about myself every day. I am on the Board of Directors of two social organizations in town. Freinds are always asking me out to meet with them. Life is good. The most stressful time of the year for people who do what I do is the last 2-3 weeks before Christmas. Those are over now and I can concentrate on the future.
A new office next year; its time to get rid of the car (for a sports car again); and its time to buy a house this next year. A dog wouldn't be a bad idea either. This next year I intend to take a 3 or 4 day weekend every other month and just travel. Vegas; Boston; DC; New Orleans. I am reclaiming me, and the person who I was and who I am "re-becoming" is a good person.
Life is something to look forward too and the last few years I didn't. It was a challenge and a chore. Never knowing when the ex gf's kids would go off on a temper tantrum. My life may be more alone, but I have more friends and they care about me. They care whether I feel good or bad and they respect me.
Isn't that what its all about?
Kevin
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yes
Yes, thats what its all about. Glad to see things are going so well for you.
Merry Christmas!
And what a great gift to give yourself and your daughter... YOU! Congratulations on getting your new/old life back!
~ Anne ~
"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook
Kevin
What you said was very heartwarming. I wish all good things for you and your daughter in the coming year.
Merry Christmas!
ironic
Its ironic that one of the worse days of your life turned out to be the best thing that could happen to you.
the best
You definitely made the best decision in leaving, and although at times it may be tough not having someone there, remember:
Your mother, having suffered the loss of her husband, will not have to suffer through the holidays with two spoiled brats enabled by your ex's coddling/excuse-making.
Your leaving gave your daughter a wonderful Christmas present
-- not only a break from the struggles of your exGF's family, but a shining example of how no one should put up with someone who is disrespectful toward a partner or in any way mistreats him or her. (I've been reading your posts, and it certainly sounds as if she was quite dismissive of your feelings, but pardon me if I've gone too far.)
Your daughter assuredly will bring this example to her relationships further down the line.
Best of luck to you and yours.
Thank you all
My daughter had stated (earlier this year) that the one thing she would like the most was for her mother (my ex wife) and I to get along. My daughter twisted her kneee earlier this year and then the surgery happened. Maybe it is time healing most wounds, but we shared thriteen years of marriage and a child. Her husband's mother passed away this year -- about a month after my dad died. My ex wife's grandmother and great grandmother died last year. My ex wife's son has a lot of problems -- drugs; behavioral issues; been arrested several times, etc.
Katie got her Christmas present -- her mother and I are on civil terms now. I still warn my clients "You can (and should be) friendly with the ex, but they are not your friend."
We do have a common goal and thats raising our twelve year old daughter the best way we can. Life is often not fair, but while I miss dad I know he is not suffering anymore and my mother, my daughter and I had a wonderful Christmas together.
Thank all of you for your support and encouragement.
kevin
copy that
Your email sums up my Christmas in many ways as well. Days before I was actually returning exfiance's families gifts that I had purchased them(I shop early)and that was bumming me out, and yesterday I had a non refundable ticket booked to his home town that I just let go, but what did I have?
A wonderful Christmas filled with many friends coming over, my parents( I am very sorry to hear about your Father Kevin, I missed that somehow, my condolences to you and your family)my dad was in hospital for 3 months over last christmas) my boys , their dad and I got along great,and after they left with their Dad I visited more friends and saw a late movie last night. It was wonderful.
What did I not have? The stress of waiting for his 31 year old DIL to roll her eyes or make some comment aimed at me when she felt no one could hear and I did not have to watch as all of his children gave their Chirstmas list of $1,000 of dollars when they have already emptied his savings account.Watching his entire family empty every bottle of alcohol they could get their hands on, even if that meant opening bottles at my home without asking after emptying all others.
I realized it was lunch time before I thought of him or his family yesterday , guess everything was too blissful to think about the chaos that is their lives.There are books about "safe people", I am going out today to purchase one and see where I fall on the scale and hopefully learn to watch for more red flags in others! LOL
PS also had a date , and he has asked me out again, good company and a reputation as a nice guy that like me volunteers in many community areas and thinks outside his own world about others, WOW!!! Oh and he drinks, but actually stopped before he was slurring his words, what a welcome change! LOL ( and ladies he speaks french, love that if we get to point of whispering in one anothers ears!, even green beans sounds sexy in french! LOL)
"We don't understand life anymore at 40 then at 20, but we know it and admit it" Jules Renard
That's so weird...
Need2vent - I just bought the book "Safe People" & right now I am devouring it. It's becoming a big help for me. As it turns out I have better judgment about others than I thought & I have my own issues as well (who doesn't in my family?!) It really is a good book. It's good at pointing out your faults without making you feel bad about it. And it points out your virtues as well. I don't have it with me right now, but I'll do a book review on it some time this week (when I remember who the authors are.)
Kevin - I'm really glad things are going so well for you right now. I think you deserve it.
Hipi
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
What
a great story. It sounds like you have peace in your heart!
It is funny how the right decision can make all the difference in the world for your personal equilibrium. Some people just shouldn't be together.
I hope that your story will help others to find their peace too.