it's the same with ss he always wants his to go to his moms. if something doesn't go his way "i want to go back to moms" or "i'm telling mom" kids do have a attachment to mom. but for me i was always a daddy's girl. i know once i had my own things, you'll never realize how much you can love someone. it's a whole new level. there might be something bm is doing to get skids to do that.

My stepchildren (now 19, 17 and 13) did the same thing when they were 8, 6 and 3. All the time. It was made worse by the fact that their mother has a mental illness that she refuses to acknowledge. But, once you have your own child it can also be difficult balancing the blended family and making sure no one gets their feelings hurt because Daddy lives with YOUR child and not THEM. It is hard.

And she is sooooo much a Daddy's Girl! She and I are BFF (her word, not mine), but the relationship she has with her Daddy is just something to behold, let me tell ya! Our son is 100% a Mama's Boy, though. BD4 would rather be out in the garage with her Daddy, but BS9 would rather be in the kitchen with me.

The skids treat us like we are scum when they are away from us, but when they are actually WITH US, they never want to go back to their Mom's. My two SD's have both repeatedly asked to come live with us, but when they go back to their mom's, it's like we don't exist. SS12 would cry for his mother when we would pick him up on our weekends, but as soon as she was out of siight, she was forgotten. Then when we would drop him back off, he would be crying to stay with his dad and me. I don't think it's a gender thing or even a preference for mom. Kids are always going to want and miss the parent who isn't there. I think you're handling it in the right way... this is your time with Daddy, you'll see your Mommy soon, etc. Distraction is your best friend now and, fortunately, they should both be easily distracted at this age.

Making that transition from household to household is very difficult for children, and the younger the child, the harder it is for them to understand. I don't think it matters if it's all they've ever known. At that age, their attention span is pretty short. They don't get that they've been doing it all their lives. For them, it's not one change with lasting implications, it's a new change every single time. I think time will take care of the problem for the children as they grow and mature and also for you as you find your rhythm within this family.

As for a baby filling a void, that's hard to answer. If the marriage isn't in good shape, all the babies in the world won't make it better. A baby can make a bad marriage even worse. If you're feeling insecure or uncertain of your place, getting pregnant isn't the way to cement your bond to your husband, contrary to popular belif. I tend to believe that a person should have a baby not because they are an empty void, but because they have so much to give a child. A child shouldn't be conceived to make a marriage or bond stronger, but to showcase the strong bond that already exists between two people.

I had a son from a previous marriage, my husband had three children from a previous marriage and we have one together. The one we had together didn't make us love each other any more, didn't make our marriage any stronger, didn't bond us any closer or anything like that. We had that all down pat before she was born. I won't say her birth was meaningless or that it didn't change anything. She did sort of complete a circle for us, but we had a strong marriage before she was born and I believe we would've had a strong marriage if we'd never had her. The marriage has to be about the two people in it, not the kids. It did make me feel closer to my skids, though, because I realized that I am the mother of their little sister... we share blood now. But it didn't make me love my husband any more. (Didn't make me love him any less, either! ) Also, I'm a firm believer that it takes more than conception, pregnancy and childbirth to make you a mother. If you are parenting those children half the time, then you're not a babysitter. No, a stepmother isn't the same as a mother any more than a stepchild is the same as a biological child, but that doesn't mean it can't be rewarding and fulfilling in it's own way. Give it time. People your age don't want to hear this from people my age, but you are so young. You have plenty of time!

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook