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BM and holiday gifts

LVmyBOXERS's picture

Submitted by LVmyBOXERS on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 4:34pm

My DH's ex continues to buy his family gifts for the holidays and she sends them with the kids to our house to give them to the family while we are having our Christmas. They always try and sneak around and hide it but I know they do it every year. Last year I tried to put the gifts from BM under the tree and hand them out during gift time but DH would not let me. I know, that was a real bitch moment for me but this really pisses me off. DH has never been honest with his family about the reason they divorced. He finally told his brother 2 years ago what really happenend. (She was a druggy and cheated on him) Anyway, every year this happens and makes me angry because she is no longer a part of the family but she continues to insert herself and they welcome it. Anyone have any advise on how I can let them know I know they do it and I do not appreciate it. DH said he does not care what she does but to me it is totally disrespectful. Am I just being petty?? I work my a$$ off during the holidays to make sure his family Christmas is as close to perfect as possible. And then they go and do this right in front of my face. The gifts are not just from the kids. They are from the kids and her and her new husband. She also sends them Christmas cards; the whole 9 yards.

Comments

laurels4u's picture

Submitted by laurels4u on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 5:28pm

why an ex would want to do something like this, but I've come to the conclusion that a woman like the one you've described is still trying to flex her muscles in the family to make you aware that her presence is real and welcomed by your husband's family. To me, it is uncalled for so I don't think you're being petty. You could do a number of things to make everyone realize the charade is over with the gifts and cards. Plainly and matter of factly announce they aren't pulling the wool over your eyes and it's annoying to you. Intercept the gifts and hand them out to each person and state, "This is from (insert ex's name)." I'd be miffed about the whole thing, too.

Mary Louise's picture

Submitted by Mary Louise on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 9:03pm

Ex did this until this summer - he sent her an email specifically telling her to stop sending gifts for his family through the kids. (They had agreed in mediation not to use the kids as "messengers". He told her that I would take care of gifts for him and his family from the children and that if she felt she must send gifts to people that were no longer related to her, she could use the US mail.

Mary Louise's picture

Submitted by Mary Louise on Sun, 11/25/2007 - 9:31pm

but for us it was about my fiance making it clear to her that she was not to continue fulfilling the "wife " role.

His ex and his parents don't seem to understand what the word divorce mean. crazings!

Riley's picture

Submitted by Riley on Mon, 11/26/2007 - 10:14am

If it makes you uncomfortable, then whether it's petty or not, doesn't matter. I can see how you would feel that she's interjecting and it's weird that everyone has to hide it. That must tell you something, like they all know it's either inappropriate or inconsiderate.

Clearly the ex is trying to maintain a relationship with her ex-family. Maybe that's good, maybe that's not, but it is her choice. What I would take exception to is that she sends the gifts through the kids, to your house. She knows you know; it's passive/aggressive at its best. She may not know it, but the issue is how the family is dealing with it as if there's a big tree growing out of your head and no one wants to talk about it.

If it were me, I would ask DH to tell his ex that it's great she's sending gifts, it's her right, but that she needs to deliver them herself or mail them or invite the ex-family over, whatever. The ex wants to maintain a presence in the family. She needs to do it on her own turf, not yours.