She doesn't want to pay CS....
I knew this would happen. DH is supposed to meet with BM and her lawyer this afternoon to try and work out arrangements for her to sign over custody. She just called DH to say "Oh, BTW, I'm not paying CS." DH told her of course she would pay CS. She can't just waltz out of here like she never had a child. Why do women think that it is necessary for a father to pay but when it comes to them, the rules have changed. She actually told him that he had to pay all these years because SD was "HIS CHILD". Well, duh, isn't she YOUR CHILD TOO????
Anyone want to start taking bets if she will actually do this, sign over custody.
This is the 4th time she has pulled this BS on us. She holds custody in front of SD and DH like a carrot stick and controls and manipulates and pulls out at the last minute. I feel ill.
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Poor thing
It's like you and I are living parallel lives. 3.5 years ago, BM moved an hour away from us and left SD (then 11) with us. We have custody about 70 percent of the time, more if it is convenient for BM. But she refused to sign anything, even after going through mediation. We could not afford thousands of dollars for a lawyer, so we let it be. And of course she does not pay child support.
Because of tensions in the house, my husband has talked about letting SD (now 14.5) live with BM. But she said the only way that would happen is if we pay CS. I told my husband, as soon as she files for CS, we file for retroactive CS for the past 3.5 years. Don't know if it will happen, but...
Why do some BMs love to use their kids as weapons to bludgeon their exes?
The famous double standard...
They only need to be finacially supported when they live at BMs house. We used to pay CS for the girls when they didn't even live at her house, we paid the randsom...I mean child support so they wouldn't have to switch schools for the second time in less than a year. I think that was the ONLY time was happy with what we paid her.
My question to you is how much do you need her money?
For me, if BM moved away....that would be worth more than any money she would ever owe. I think I would even chip in on the move, help her pack even. I wouldn't ask for a dime.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
my words exactly
I've always said the same thing. We get child support but it isn't enough to cover school lunches! I'd rather her move away
You know, you can say that
You know, you can say that Colorado, but it isn't about the money, it's about the best interest of the child. It is in SD's best interest that her mother support her, both financially and emotionally. You don't just have children in this society and then abondon them.
SD is going to need things. She needs to go to college in a few more years. It would be unfair to her to let BM get off without paying CS. We could not afford to give her what she needs without BM paying. Sure we could get by, but getting by is not the best thing for SD.
Honestly, as much as I'd love to get rid of BM, the best thing for SD would be for BM to stay right here and finish raising her. She is the one who wants to move away. That's fine, she can do that. But we will not allow her to abondon her responsibility. If she doesn't want to pay CS and live up to her responsibility then she can dang well stay right here.
I'm mad....
Oh I agree with you...
she SHOULD pay. But I also said "for me" the money wouldn't matter. I also think that it would be in the best interest of my skids that she move away and find herself instead of dragging her children through the process. (moving 7 times in the past two years and having at least that many live in boyfriends)
All I was asking is how much is her money worth it to you? I'm well aware that it's not about money and that children need to be taken care of. Just like I stated in my previous post, I OVERPAID BM just so the girls could stay in the school they were at. The girls had just switched at the beginning of the school year and I didn't want them to have to switch 4 months later when BM decided to move in with her convict boyfriend 45 miles away. The only way she wouldn't take the girls was if we agreed to pay her the same amount we were already paying. It was bullshit. If you calculated it, she should have been paying us. But I paid her. I was beyond broke. The girls stayed in that school for the rest of the year. All in the best interest of the children. To me, it was only money and the courts weren't going to make the girls stay without a fight so I gave in to her. All in an instant I learned just how unfair life is.
BUT, if it is absolutely not a possibility, I can understand that as well. Anne said it perfect. Let her sign over custody and then 3 or 4 months down the road, petition the courts for child support with a "we didn't realize how costly full custody was going to be, we thought we could handle it but we can't...."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Here's what you do...
Agree with it, only don't put it in writing. Modify the custody order and tell her you will let the CS order stay the same. Then, once custody has changed, go after her for the CS.
~ Anne ~
http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!
That's what we did
We got the custody changed to us having primary(like 2/3 to 1/3). We continued to pay Bm (we waited too long though;like a little less than 1 year). Bm would have backed out on the change in custody otherwise. We then had the amount reduced. As ss got older and bigger it became much more expensive to pay everything for him and continue to pay Bm. So, two years after we had it reduced, we had the papers drawn up to stop CS all together. We have never received CS from Bm. I get upset when we have to be Bm's bank because she rarely pays her 1/2 of the uncovered medical or dental fees. She wants to make payments to us. However, we have to keep after her. She still owes us from ss's glasses from last month.
Anyway, I guess I look at it as if ss were our child and we just cover all of his needs. I do think that Bm gets off easy, though.
Dawn
I'm a little confused. We
I'm a little confused. We should just modify the order to change custody but DH should let the court order to pay her support stand and then change it later after the modification has gone through? That could take months as it winds its way through the system. Is that what I'm hearing you guys say? We could end up paying her money for awhile, is that right?
Now I'm confused.
DH is on his way to the lawyers office right now. I'll update my blog later if anyone is interested.
No, modify the order
for the parenting plan (giving you full custody) with a "no child support" order from the non custodial parent (BM).
That is what she wants right? She wants to sign over custody and not pay anything, correct? Well give her what she wants and then later down the road, petition the courts for child support from her. At that point all you're trying to modify is the child support not custody.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Timing is everything
Go ahead and modify custody and have your atty prep the paperwork to modify CS, as well. Just hold off on filing the CS paperwork until you get the final order changing custody. It's a cheap shot and a little underhanded, but sometimes you gotta do what ya gotta do. You might continue to pay for a few months, but you can always request that the CS be retroactive back to the date of the change in custody.
~ Anne ~
http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
Please join the Campaign to Save Madison!
I see....Because it's easier
I see....Because it's easier to modify support than custody.
This is good advice. Thank you.
run it by your lawyer
Run it by your lawyer because sometimes each state is different in the amount of time that must go by before you can modify child support. If you agree to no support now you may have to wait 2 years to re-petition the court for support. Good luck.
Been there done that
I guess my DH was lucky this time around. DH just recently took BM to court for custody of his kids and child support as it has been three years they have lived with us. In the beginning of our relationship he paid BM child support when they lived in our home. I was very angry with that situation so, I urged him to take her to court to stop that. Which he did. But not without a fight or two between us. She of course was not happy about that. So I bid my time to make another urging move to persuade DH to assume custody and child support for the kids. As he didn't want to rock the boat persay. Because even though the kids lived with us she still was custodial parent and could come and take kids whenever. So we struck at the right moment when BM had no money christmas coming up and all, she couldn't afford a lawyer so she kind of just rolled over and took the court order in the ass. Now DH is the custodial parent and will be recieving child support in the upcoming month. Good for him. When DH and BM divorced she tried everything to make him out to be the bad guy. Which he wasn't, cause she was the one who ended the marriage by infidelity. He even told her at that time, "I will have the kids, you wait and see." I guess that has given DH the ultimate revenge in a sense. I think all DH's need that love, support and extra push from us 2nd wives to battle with the blood sucking, money grubing exes.
My kids biggest cheerleader
This sounds vaguely familiar...
I am going through the same thing. I just don't get how a mother can just not be supportive of a child she gave birth to, whether it be financially or emotionally. As a mother myself it just makes me sick and I cannot and will not ever understand. In my story, his ex wants him to pay for all of her car expenses as a kind of "alimony" when she doesn't pay a dime of child support and wants absolutely nothing to do with their kids. Yes, I said kidS, plural. It wasn't enough that she didn't want the first one but then she decided she would have another one. I understand your frustration, only my husband is just letting her get away with it and not doing a damn thing. You are not alone.
Whoa
Was that the verdict you were waiting on Cruella? Please tell me it didn't take so long for that to be your answer??!!??
Unfortunately what you've said is true. We got the BM to agree to VERY MODEST support for her 2 daughters as we are custodial. I guess we are lucky we got anything. DH didn't get anything for the first 2 years after the divorce.
Oh thank god someone has
Oh thank god someone has posted about CS I am so pissed off right now I am beside myself, DH has custody and BM is the same way, he has not received CS for a year, BM is a total gold digger she will find guys who make money and marry them, and when they finally get sick of her dumb A$$ she has to work for a while, so I guess money is getting tight for her or she is about to get dump because she has a job, but getting paid little to no money I guess. She is suppose to pay very little in child support as it is, but since she has not paid in over a year the back CS is racking up and we got the first check yesterday and it didn't even cover the full CS for the current month, what is going on?! I think they should garnish her whole paycheck! Holidays are coming up with the activities we do as a family, it is very expensive, and I am not about to have my bio-child go with out just because I have to pay for my step-child also. I am just so pissed!
The think I don't understand is.....
If my DH did not pay his support, he would be put in jail. How can they get away with this?
Why don't BM's go to jail?
I am so sick of paying for my SS we have not seen CS for almost a year and then all of a sudden BM got a job about 2 months ago and then we got our first check 2 weeks ago. It was no where close to putting a dent in all the back child support she owes us and it also did not cover her current child support, well then last week DH had a situation with SS so he called BM at her new job and they said she was FIRED! Can you believe it! Well the sad thing is that yes I can. This B#@#h is always getting fired for stealing stuff from her employers, or not showing up to work. So once again we will not be seeing any money, we will never see any CS from this B@#!h, I have just come to accept it now.