Seriously, I couldn't handle the full time thing right now. Does your DH pitch in with all of the extra work? It sounds like an awful lot. I mean, I have my own daughter full time, and yes, workload increases when she is here vs. at my ex's, but it is not extreme. My DH does a lot around the house, particularly when the skids are here, he takes care of the kitchen, their meals at least once a day, etc.... You should talk to him about coming up with some sort of work assignment schedule for the two of you. And how old is your SD? Can she take on some of the chores for herself? If she is, set up some "rules of the house", clothes straight to the laundry room, dishes right to the sink, and maybe wait on homework until DH gets home and can help her.

Just some suggestions. I'm sure the adjustment period will be difficult no matter what, but it seems if you delegate some of the workload it will at least be somewhat easier.

Best of luck!

Schedule some "me" time for yourself, when you know DH will be around. Get a pedicure, go shopping alone, whatever floats your boat, but get away, and do it regularly. This can be a real sanity saver.

You need to put a boot up his but. I would get a sitter, take him out to eat and lay it out for him. Ask him flat out if he needs you to put a list of his chores on the frig like he was 10 years old. Honestly, he may be so oblivious he really doesn't know what the deal is, but its time to let him know.

Ahhh... the ashram...do we get to go to Italy and eat for four months first?????? (that's from Eat Pray Love and if you haven't read it you should right now!)

Seriously, we got full custody of SD last April and I understand completely. I have two sons here half time and it sucks for them too. Now SD is here all the time when they're not only further making them feel we love her more b/c we fought this big dramatic fight to "win" her.

I wish I could tell you it will get easier for sure, but six months later I am still trying to cope with having her full time while BM comes and goes as she pleases, doesn't even take her full visitation half the time, and when she does get her, ships her off to other people houses to sleep over, and buys her tons of inappropriate clothing and gadgets to bring back into our home.

All the while SD rationalizes BM's behavior non-stop, I'm sure b/c she really doesn't want to face the sad fact that her mom is not only ill, but with a very egocentric illness.

My heart goes out to you.

Peace, love, and red wine

And SD has intense mood swings nearing manic/depressive status. This week she is non-stop giddy, chatty, goofy, loud, and obnoxious. Next week she'll be quiet, moody, dark, and sleep all the time. It never seems to be calm, balanced or somewhere in the middle for her.

Peace, love, and red wine

Just wondering. Wouldn't want to shave my head or anything.

You also have a BD the same age, right? They are teenagers, correct? And as teenagers, they are - what? - two years away from "adulthood" and all that adulthood entails? Methinks some of this extra work can probably be divvied up. I know it's hard getting DH to see this, but dear God, don't set a precedent where everyone thinks YOU are the dumping ground for everything that must get done. It's Week 2... the honeymoon's over, time for everyone to pitch in like a real family.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

that unfortunately the Catholic church has NOT seen the light in allowing women to become priests. But I digress -- definitely have SD get her own clothes from the laundry room and fold and put them away, do her own dishes, straighten up her room, and assign her a set chore she can do for a week. Change the chore the next so it's easier for SD, realizing she doesn't have to do it forever, just a week. Oh, and definitely let DH fight the battle for you. (And I'm very glad he did, but make sure he sticks to his guns.) You're not the live-in maid simply by virtue of your gender!

My BD, 8, can fold laundry with me, and she also likes to start the washer, and switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer, put the sheet in and start that. It starts simple like that I think, but we will gradually keep adding steps until she gets the whole process. They can do quite a lot even when they are young if taught.

until I yelled at Precious for putting his clean clothes in his hamper to be washed again because he was too lazy to put them away. DH caught wind of that and I haven't done laundry *consistently* since. DH took it over because he doesn't want me scolding Precious. I also won't inside out socks, shirts, pants, etc. The way you put them in is the way you get them back. Again, DH got pissed at me for not insiding them out the right way. My response was, if it wasn't such a hardship for me, the folder, to inside them out, then it mustn't be such a hardship for Precious either. Again, he didn't like it so he took over. I believe a 12 y.o. and 13 y.o. should be doing their own laundry as well, I just can't get DH on the same page because he's afraid Precious will threaten to move to BM's again.