Everything will be OK!!! It will be...

It's going to be a bumpy road, but as long as you have rules and you treat SD the same as your other daughter (I think that's what you said) things will work out. It won't be easy, and some days you'll be wondering WTF!!!!???? But it will be OK!! Just take a deep breath, and take it one day at a time.

You have this site to come to for encouragement and support, don't forget that too!

Honestly? You are taking a spoiled totally out of contol child...I'm pretty sure on that or BM wouldn't be shipping her to live with Daddy...and putting her in your normal household.
She is not going to like rules. I would be sitting down with DH before she gets there and deciding what the rules will be. If you DH is anything like mine, he will let her get away with things that the other children won't and that the other children probably wouldn't even imagine doing because they have always had rules.
I don't want to be negative but I believe that you need to discuss all the what ifs...what about boys? Dating? Friends? How late can she stay out?
Let me know how things work out...I see this happening in my future...

My hand to you too...

We went through the no weekends to ourselves and BM had every weekend off from SD. SD didn't like it, b/c she rationalized that BM would be nicer to her, have more time to her, not ignore her if she had non/work/school night time with her. We knew it wouldn't matter.

But before suing for custody we took BM to mediation. She refused to alter the schedule. So we sued for full custody and part of that process took us to high conflict parent coordination. BM still refused to change schedule. Then after four full sessions about this BM agreed to one weekend a month, but took less weekdays. So essentially she had her less of the time.

Then we won custody and she has her every other weekend. On her weekends BM ignores SD or over schedules her with other people. Of course that's when BM doesn't cancel on her time with SD altogether. Currently we will have SD all of Nov but the weekend after Thanksgiving. She's not even taking her on Weds til after Thanksgiving. Man I really need those times away from SD to recoup.

But...she is better off here. BM is looking to remarry (may have done it this week b/c her bf came back from being deployed and they went to Vegas- who knows b/c she's paranoid and secretive.) If this happens and he stays in the military, she will move away I'm sure. And though I would miss those weekend breaks from SD, I know we will benefit from SD not being around her mom, who like your situation gives her no restrictions on dress, phone use, computer, activities with friends (she likes it when SD is busy with friends b/c then she doesn't have to see her.)

Peace, love, and red wine

You are going to be OK, but yes there are definate real concerns here for your marriage and your BD. Is your husband in la-la land so deep about her posssibly coming that he may not understand a discussion to help her" ease into their family lives" , perhaps saying in order to make it smooth for her and then add and for everyone else so we can be one big happy family! Yes, you can grit your teeth while saying ,but maybe with that type of approach he might listen to you and see reason to "give her safe environment" by instilling boundaries like your BD has and tell him his BD has always deserved and unfortunately never been able to have.
So many fathers think we are punishing their kids becasue we want to instill boundaries, and family without them , much less child has chaos though, so I would just try and suggest like for loving reasons for sd

influence the 15 year old you already have living in the house.