Yeah, the ex gf wouldn't deal with her kids behavioral issues so my daughter and I are out of that situation. Her problem now.

am I expected to be a caretaker to my skids. I really don't mind helping but a lot of times I am resentful when it becomes an expectation. He has three girls and I am "expected" to get them dressed in the morning and do their hair BECAUSE they are girls and he "doesn't know how to do it" - what in the heck would you do if I wasn't there? I don't expect him to get my boys ready because they are boys.

You have a very unique situation and I would hope that your husband would realize that the bond is very different. But that is not a bad thing, you know? We love our children differently, bios and skids, and there is nothing wrong with that. It should never be considered "more or less"....just different.

that whenever I want him to contribute around the house...etc...it always lands with his version of reasoning as to why he doesn't "have" to contribute, and I see your situation as similar.

For instance, my dh and I own a business, and we both work at it every day. He does put in more hours per week than I do, but nonetheless, I am here for 40 hours per week. We are trying to sell our house right now, and on Sunday we needed to clean the house. We also had some friends come in from out of town that wanted to do lunch. I asked my dh if he was going to help me clean the house today...and his response was "No, I'm going to relax today b/c I work..." Even though I'm here at the business, and I contribute my hours to his business, he doesn't view it as a real job for me, therefore, I am the sole responsible person to maintain our house.

Needless to say, I reminded him that I work too, and if he wasn't going to contribute to cleaning the house I wasn't going to lunch with him and our friends, nor was I showing up to work on Monday. Me not being at the business to answer the phone, greet customers, etc...makes his life absolutely miserable...

Sometimes, men have no problem letting us do all the work, and then when we begin to set boundaries they question us with some seriously dumb accusations. First thing first, your pg, about give birth to a baby, which is the most traumatic experience a person's body could every go through, and he isn't interested in helping you out with his children? Even if they were your bio kids, you need help right now, and I really think he is being highly inconsiderate by not demonstrating some compassion by getting the kids ready, or running them here or there, whatever... no matter who gave birth to those kids, dad needs to be helping your right now, not criticizing you.

Bests,
Candice

Yes...yes....yes!!! I am in the exact same situation. I am the primary caregiver to my SD age 18 months all day from 9am-6:30pm for 10 of the 14 days she is here. I have had numerous discussions about the amount of care she needs during the day when he is at work. Normally, it would not be a big deal caring for her however, I am 6 months pregnant and this has been far from an easy pregnancy. But during the conversations he has said "but what about when new baby is born." "It will be the same thing...constant care." I tell him yes I understand that except that the "new" baby will be mine and I won't be dealing with a difficult pregnancy while trying to care for him! Makes me very angry for him to criticize me because I tell him about the constant care my SD needs. All of a sudden MY child is brought into the conversation? Not to mention I have a 6 year old from a previous marriage that I have raised on my own pretty much. I have been honest with him and told him that the bond between my BD and my SD and SS is not the same in any way. He doesn't seem to understand why. Anyway, I have no idea how to deal with this so I have no advice for for you but I did want to let you know that you and I are sitting in the same boat. Hang in there!

for our husbands to understand.

While recovering from my emergency c section I got stuck with 7 & 9 y/o ss the rest of the summer while DH & BM worked. Add in my husband had a manic depressive episode & was emotionally abusive during this time. Maternity leave = pure hell. I had waited 39 years to have a baby & had a rough pregnancy to boot. I can't get over my anger at him for having ruined that for me even though I know it was because he was sick & can't even remember a lot of this time period. It affects my relation ship with step sons as I am very resentful of them.
Throw in 7 y/o broke a $600.00 item of mine after being told to leave it alone. The same day he was in trouble at school and got grounded from TV & video games at both houses but BM won't punish him for breaking my necklace & could not even tell me she was sorry, the one eyebrowed bitch!

With much proding DH is making ss write 100 times in his neatest handwritting he will keep his hands to himself as punishment for not keeping his hands off my necklace. Gotta love this yesterday while writing I could here him messing with something of mine that he has been repeatedly told to leave alone. AHHH!!!!!

DH has accussed me since our baby was born that I love him more & that the ss's are second class. I know I have been shorter with them because I am angry with DH & wish I could get past it. However I will always have a different relationship with our son because I am his mother. The boys will always love their mom more than me so why is it such a big deal for me to feel differently about the child I gave birth to. He will always love me more & in a different way than they will.

it sounds like our bfs and dhs are all a lot alike. My dh physically works hard... he is in construction, he works from sun up to sun down 7 days a week.... when he drags in at night I'm not going to ask him to do anything but sit down while I fix his plate...
BUT, I do find myself feeling a bit resentful at times because I work too... I work an office position and sit on my butt all day, but I do work and when I get home I work more, picking up kids (we have 4), working on homework (with 3 school age kids), fixing meals, folding laundry, vacuming, dusting, washing dishs (we don't have a dishwasher)....

QUICK SIDENOTE: DH always jokes and says, "we have a dishwasher, her name is "my name here".... so we invited to the neighbors house for dinner this week and I was picking up the dishes to load into their diswasher.... I asked my 6 year daughter and my neighbor's 6 year old daughter to help.... so my daughter gathered some dishes together and proceeded to stand right next to me with them.... I said, "okay, please put them in the dishwasher" and she just stood next to me.... I said, "honey, please listen, I asked you to put the dishes in the dishwasher".... my daughter looks at me and said "how do I put them in you mommy?

So anyway, I do all of the home stuff... and I know that my dh works incredibly hard but sometimes I feel just a little angry when my plate feels too full... but I'd feel like a bitch complaining because he works so hard.... so I don't really know what to do!