There's only so much I can take
Ok, so we're planning to move to be closer to SD, right? Well, you'd think we were putting SD in grave danger by BM's reaction to this. She is basically threatening to pick up and move SD far away if we move to a) her town or b) the neighboring town she lives right next to. Oh, like she can forbid us to move to a specific zip code or two? PLEASE! I am so fed up with this BS!
Here's the thing. We moved here (away from our city, our friends, BF's job, proximity to SD) for my job, which I lost in July. I know - greeeeaat... Anyway, we need to find tenants or sell our place before we can move and we haven't been successful for the past two months so we have no firm plans, just hope that it'll all work out. BM DEMANDS to know our plans at every pick up and drop off, stating that SHE has plans to make based on our plans. She's super ticked that we won't tell her anything, but we don't frickin' know ourselves!!
I really do think BM is nuts enough to yank SD out of school and move their asses to BM's brother's town 50 miles away just to spite us if we move to an address she doesn't approve of and there's JACK we can do about it. Frankly, I wouldn't move to the area where they currently live if it weren't for SD because it's so flippin' expensive and we are really going to have to downsize to make it work. If SD is 2 miles away it is TOTALLY worth it to me, but dear god if we STILL have to fight traffic with 2 little ones late at night to pick ups and drop offs AND live in tight quarters with little $ to spare, I am going to go insane!
That said, we can't continue to live here because it's a 2-hour bus commute for BF and on nights that he sees SD or attends a school function or a therapy session (like tonight and last night for example) he can't come home, and for anyone who has ever dealt with a newborn, you know it's TOUGH at 3am with a screaming baby and no one else there for support. Did I mention my stressful new part-time job that has me lesson planning and grading 30+ hours per week in addition to the 10 hours on campus - oh, that looks like a bloody full-time job to me! (And a very part-time salary - so this was a very poor decision accepting this job!!) Oh, and yeah - this job is in the city that we moved AWAY from so I'm commuting now too!
I want this move to be our last for crying out loud. I want some stability in our lives. Sheesh, I guess that's too much to ask. I am stressed out of my gourd. I guess the postpartum hormones don't help, do they? I just don't know what to do. We can't let a madwoman dictate our lives, but somehow she does just that.
What would you do?
a) move to SD's town and hope that BB will behave (unlikely!)
b) move to a town as close to SD as possible, but outside of BM's silly parameters so that she doesn't tear SD away (best option so far, but there's no telling if BM will change her no fly zone to include whatever town we choose)
c) move back to our city (great for the commute, but bad school district though and I don't want to have to move again in another couple of years when BDs start school...)
d) stay here (far away from everything important in our lives, making our daily life that much more untenable)
Sigh. Why can't anything be EASY?
- Caitlin's blog
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Comments
Umm
How about telling her your moving in say, a few weeks, to the very place she doesn't want you too and she exactly what she does. If she moves SD to brother's town, move to brother's town yourself.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
I think better yet...
We thought we would move into your apartment building...a cross the way. We hear there's going to be an opening soon...
Man, honey, if it's not one thing, it's another, isn't. Personally, I think I live waaaaayyyyy tooo close to my SS's BM. She moved two blocks away from us. I kinda liked it when she was up in them there hills 50 miles away... seriously. It was NICE.
I suggest that you maybe you move half way from where you are to where she is, and don't tell her. Just keep on bluffing her that you don't know, etc etc. It's really none of her business anyway. All that she should be concerned about is the visitations. Hell, my SD's BM uses a PO Box as her physical address, believe me, sometimes I think she lives in a box! So, perhaps you can do the same, get a PO Box in some town that is 'legitimate' for her, and leave it at that?
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
I think you should make
I think you should make whatever decision you would make if she were not an object and then do it. You can't make major life decision based on what she wants, only on what YOU and DH want. If she decides to up and move away, then that'll be another handful of points for you guys on the custody-o-meter... why move SD away from her school, etc. when she can live with Dad and maintain some stability?
~ Anne ~
http://www.geocities.com/campaign4madison/C4M.html
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I agree with Anne here
Move to where it is good for you. It doesn't sound like you want to live in the same town as Bm due to the high cost of living so don't move there. Like you said, Bm is going to have some kind of a problem no matter where you move. If she does move SD farther away, that makes her look bad yet again.
Just do the research, weigh the pros and cons and make your decision.
Like Stepmom said, I would keep Bm guessing for a while. She doesn't need to know until SD is at your new location.
Dawn
Yikes.
I've missed too much in the past month.
Caitlin, how are you and the new baby? Do you want to move ?
In quick reading, I'ld have to say B. But What do YOU want.
Miss you Jo
"May the forces of evil get confused on the way to your house." George Carlin
Update
The fact of the matter is, yes I want to move. But I'll be damned if we go to all the trouble of moving and BB rips SD away from us. The thought just makes my blood boil.
Aside from all that, we have to postpone the move until next summer as it turns out - to avoid paying capital gains taxes when we sell, which could save us upwards of $10,000 in taxes. (You don't have to pay if it's your primary residence for 2 years.) Spring/summer is a better time to sell anyway - we've been trying to rent it out or sell it for the past couple of months now and haven't had much luck anyway because the market is just no good right now. We haven't told SD yet and I'm sure she'll feel a combination of disappointment because she's always wanted us to live near her, and relief that her lunatic mother will stop losing her mind over it - at least temporarily.
Oh and one more thing: money is *tight* now since I lost my job. Frankly, we can't even afford to stay here because my income was paying for it and it's very expensive to live here. Our condo fee alone is almost $500/month and let's not even talk about the mortgage. So, in order to avoid going into debt we decided to rent out the downstairs (ie. SD's room + den + bathroom + private entrance). I feel terrible about kicking the poor child out of her room, but we've gotta do what we've gotta do. I'm not sure how to break it to her next time she's here that a) we're not moving any time soon and b) she no longer has her own room. That's a lot to swallow all at once. Of course, BM is going to have a field day over this. I don't even feel like dealing with her. Ugh.
Anyway, on to happier thoughts. Little Jo, in response to your question, the new baby and I are doing wonderfully considering all the stress in our lives at the moment. She's such a bundle of joy and I've so enjoyed watching my 2-year-old blossom into a loving big sister to her. SD doesn't want to put her down whenever she's here. She likes to wear her in the baby carrier until her poor back is breaking! Ah, sisterly love!
On moving...
I don't know the laws in your state, but in mine either parent that has custody or even parenting time has to give the other parent 30 days written notice, it must be delivered registered mail. That way if one parent is trying to move the other parent has time to respond with a request if it is going to cause problems with the court ordered parenting time. So if you give her 30 days notice & she turns around and does the same to you but after the fact doesn't that look ( to a judge ) like she is trying to alienate the child from her father? She better have a really good reason for moving!!! and not that she took a job somewhere else just because you were moving close. I would think your case would be better since your move is not job or money driven but child driven. Also I assume the children you have are half-siblings? Very good case for the siblings to be raised in close proximity of each other you want them to have a healthy relationship right? When you get involved with these issues and going to court you have to really make the case that this is for the children not because its convienient for you , thats just an added bonus!! Emphasize the kids first, I know that is always a main motivation but honestly, travel time,travel cost everything factors in. But in court that is secondary they have to know you would travel to the ends of the earth for the child at whatever cost. Also why is the bm not sharing transportation? If she keeps moving maybe some language should be changed in your papers.
Good Luck.... It is a long road sometimes , even if its just across the street!