Oh my lord. I know my sister was a very permissive parent overall, countered by her jerk of an abusive ex (a little but that whole thing is a mess in itself) until the divorce over a year ago.

My sister (Sis), my niece (N18, almost 19), and Boyfriend (B20) all came to visit us over the weekend of the 4th, stayed with us and we all pretty much were together the whole time, unlike when we visit them, and people come/go.

* N18 has gained a significant amount of weight - she used to be sporty and active. It was quite shocking to see.

* N18 and B20 smoke pot a LOT - like most afternoons. N18 told DH about edibles, "They don't effect me." DH and I have done edibles, not a lot and those suckers are strong - DH said to me later, "She must be smoking a LOT for edibles to have no effect."

* N18 fixed B20s plates for him at the table, like he cannot get his own food?  I was actually getting mad about this one.  She also made him breakfast every morning, he sat down at the table and waited for her to bring food. She made him snacks. He did help with a couple things and was polite overall but I was like H to the LL no on the catering!

* N18 still doesn’t have a job, she’s supposed to be applying for one and my sis said “until she starts her college program.” Um, a part-time program?  I brought up the fact that it’s indeed do-able to have a part-time job with a part-time school program. Oh, and that part-time school program, since it’s in the nursing field, may require a drug test (need to tell my sister this). B20 has a good job, it’s just early, early hours.

* No one pays my sis rent. B20 “helps” with utilities and some food costs. But my sis pays for most everything else. Sis also has a plan to sell them her townhome in two years and she move to a “better” one. She lives in a gorgeous place!  Why do they need a 3 BR townhome? How are they going to afford THAT?

* N18 has taken over their guest bedroom and installed like 3 large fishtanks. So I guess we won’t be staying with them any longer. Sis seemed annoyed by this but is letting her do it.

* I think I saw N18 alone w/out B20 precisely one time. I asked her to shuck some corn. For 5 min she was alone, then he came up, sat at the kitchen bar and watched her shuck and clean it.

DH saw all this too and had similar feelings to me. But also said that “kids these days all have problems with socialization” referring too to YSD. I was like, yes, and it’s the parents responsibility to help them through it to function in the world.

N18 loved it at our place and area. She wants to travel and live somewhere different from where she does now but I see friction in this with B20 as he “doesn’t know where he would go if I traveled” and doesn’t want to leave their area. Thank goodness she’s on BC and doesn’t want kids.