YOU GO GIRL!!!!!! You say it all PERFECT. I love it! You're not insane - we're the only normal ones...who are tired of it all...

If I weren't at work - I'd have a drink to your "vent"! Cheers!

"To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation."

and have been there again and again and again. It's good to vent, gets it off your chest and at least we understand where you are coming from and can empathize completely! My bad week was last week...I was so angry I was actually shaking and I can normally keep my cool for a long time, blow my stack and its over with. I shook for over an hour, its a good thing hubby was only on the phone with me because I seriously thought about hitting him over the head! Just take one day at a time, if that doesn't work, one minute at a time....and breathe!

Corie

Could be the full moon. }:-) My Dh displays some of these tendencies and I take and take and take until I flip out and then I am the bad guy. Always the same story, "poor SD her parents are divorced", "she doesn't understand, she is only a child", "all the other kids are doing the same thing", "That was her BM's decision, I don't have anything to do with that"....I could write his script for him for every conversation we have about SD. Why do these men (not all) think they stop being a parent after they divorce? Why can they no longer instill values in their own children? I just don't get it sometimes. 'sigh'

~Evil

Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius

Just reading your vent....and I personally felt the release...absolutly perfect, RIGHT ON! I love the way you word it.

I tell you what... you have hit the nail on the head. That is my DH to a tee! You almost had me thinking about letting him read this post, so that he could see himself in your words!!! "GOD BLESS YOU!"

but when we're frustratd - "you worry too much" or "cheer up". DH is having a "blue Tuesday" and he gets to have his pity party but if I were to do the same, I'm bringing him down and "not helping the situation". I just don't get it.

Thought I'd post in this blog because I just know exactly how you feel Empty Risks. I mean I didn't ask for this bullshit but day in and day out, I suffer. My Biokids suffer because there always seems to be tension in the air. And his precious babies is all anyone seems to care about. What about the ripple effect it has on those of us who are just along for the "roller coaster" ride that he calls a life. This is no life and nobody deserves to live their life like this.

You are my hero today - you have said it just so perfect (like I said earlier). You lifted my spirits and then my phone rings and low and behold it's DH and he brings me right back into this dimented reality I call my life.....

"To the ass, or the sow, their own offspring appears the fairest in creation."

I am astounded that someone has finally put in to words what I have been trying to say for over a year.....although your post was incredibly true, it also had that level of humor that I so desperately needed! Thank you!

Go grab the bottle of wine, or whatever your "poison" may be, and know that somewhere out there, I'm right there with ya! Unfortunately, today was the day I decided to start detoxing after spending my last three summer months in a perpetual buzz. That's how awful my "host" is!

I read this and looked back on my last four years. All I could say was uh huh, uh huh, uh huh.

My ex gf was unhappy when I contrasted her twins with some of the kids that I see day to day. The ones in jail or the ones who should be. No way could her wonderful beautiful children ever be that way.

I remember the first time they threw a tantrum when we lived together. It was gf's birthday and I took special care to plan something nice. She was just getting over surgery and they wanted to watch tv rather than do something nice with the lady I loved with all my heart. A huge tantrum. I remember later on that night going outside and walking over to the park next door and sitting on the swing wondering "What the hell?!"

I stayed. I put up with their tantrums lasting 2-3 hours. Over nothing. I remember seeing them fight over homework for hours and hours. I remember one evening when the gf couldn't reach her ex on the phone during a visitation when he had the kids -- she slept on the couch all night long.

Sex was up and down -- how passionate can a couple be when the kids are constantly screaming and yelling? There was one time when my mother came up and me and the gf went out and mom and my daughter stayed home with the ss. They got in a fight and ran away -- in a neighborhood where there are several sex offenders living close by (they are everywhere).

Love was a roller coaster -- how much did I want to marry a lady who let her kids constantly scream at me. The kids were close friends, but we would point out how their screaming fits hurt my daughter. They were sorry until they threw the next fit the next day.

If that would have been me doing that to the kids or the gf, I would have been arrested for domestic violence. I tried to tell the ex gf that, but they were good boys. Her ex said they had problems. The babysitter and the neighbors would roll their eyes at the kids. They knew what was going on and the kids weren't that well liked. But to her they were the best kids in the world.

I became worried that because of their actions that I might lose visitation with my daughter. Can you blame a little girl for not liking being in a place where two strangers were screaming at her father all the time? My ex is not all that nice of a person, but if she would have filed a motion to modify visitation, I don't think I could have blamed her that much.

Yet, when I finally had enough and told her that they were running the house and not us. She threw me and my daughter out in the street. For a while, she wanted me back. She had us go to counseling. The counseling was about "our communication problems" -- I kept telling her that the problem was the kids fighting and screaming.

When I asked for her to have them evaluated for additional problems -- I "gave her an ultimatum." Yes I did -- care for your children; treat me with respect and then we can love each other. Very unreasonable ultimatum. Uh huh.

Reading these posts helps me cope -- it is easy to think that I could have done something; that I should have done something different. Guilt is a terrible driver. I know there is literature out there about "Finding the Right One;" "Dating;" "Picking up women;" "Meeting the Right Man;" etc.

There are more blended families than traditional families now -- how long before there are a steady stream of books about dealing with the stress we are talking about. How long before step parents are on Oprah telling the horror stories we are relating now.

Until that happens I don't see very many people dealing with out complaints -- except for the nice friendly people at Jack Daniels distillery!

Kevin

I was just thinking the same things that everyone else has mentioned. We are not allowed, really, to vent anywhere BUT here. Our spouses don't want to hear about what we see ("You are just too unreasonable about that; s/he is just a kid with a lot of issues to deal with right now") or they just put their heads in the sand and do nothing. We are not allowed to have bad moods ("Are you ever happy with ANYTHING anymore?"). And we most certainly don't dare correct the children ourselves.

Thank you so much for posting your vent. I hope it helped you as much as it helped me!

marika

My hubby is the 1st to admit that my kids are much better behaved and more mature than his own children. But, when his children are over, I find that he is extremely lenient with them, does not make them abide by the same rules, & they are constantly disrespectful to both he and I. He said he doesn't want to have the kids hate coming here because they have to mind all the time. I say, how can they learn responsibility in life and grow to be adjusted, well liked people if they don't abide by rules. There are rules everywhere you go in life...from the police, to driving, etc.

BM has no rules for the kids and does not believe in any form of grounding/punishment. When the kids are here, hubby doesn't do a lot of enforcing, I am the heavy. I can not handle disrespectful children and I make them write lines out saying they will not be disrespectful to us. BM even called children services on me once about the line writing. They called and spoke to us and said this was acceptable, but they just had to follow up because there was a complaint laid and they closed the file immediately. In a sense the kids are just doing what they are taught, because BM is constantly downing us in front of the kids, but in the same instance, the children are old enough to know right from wrong. You must be held accountable for your actions.
Corie

KILL BILL...oh yes sometimes I wish I could beat the shit out of a man like Uma Thurman...LOL

And as for words about this site...I used to sit and stew and get upset and then angry and then of course drunk. Now when something bad happens I just think well, you wait til the girls (and Kev) hear about this!! They are gonna f@#k you up when they hear what you have done this time!! LMAO..Love it. Heheh

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

That when I pushed the button to get off the elevator the floor was supposed to be one of quiet and peace...

Not one of trying to figure out why 2 spoons are missing from my silverware I got back...

Or wondering (at 2 am) ws it me?

Kevin

There is also such a thing as denial...and it ain't no river in Egypt. we all faced it- Bio/Step alike... truly.

We can't allll blame that we were alllll sucker punched into a relationship without us not knowing... no. That would mean that I have no control of my life. And that ain't true. Yes, I have disappointments, I truly do. My husband is not a saint by any means, but he's not to solely blame for all the crap that goes on either, HELL NO. I CHOSE this ride, whether my eyes were wide open or not. Some people simply deny things that are obviously right in front of them, parents do so with their kids, victims of abusive relationships and dismiss it for other reasons... I've been down that road, believe me! But others will deny certain aspects to make it work, to fit, perfect image, the grass is greener, whatever... but they deny the simple truth and than gasp when all of a sudden, their eyes are wide open. How on earth did THEY get HERE?!?!?!? It's simple, they chose to get on the ride even though they know there is a pink elephant wearing a tutu riding along too- but it's a carnival. I wasn't conned onto mine. I made a choice. It is a rocky rocky road, but it's my path I chose, no one else did.

So, instead, I seek for solutions, answers, all the time. I do vent, and my life is not perfect, by far, but I realized that somethings I can not expect to approach from my angle only, I can not always assume that my approach that I've used my entire life will always work, no. It's not that easy, life isn't easy, everyone is different. How I may be able to talk to one person, I can guarantee will not work on another person, so I learned that you have to be observant, you have to have patiences with some, and some you have to simply let them deal with it on their own terms. So, if that means that you literally let the shiny new spouse handle the kids in full glory to have THEM open THEIR eyes, so be it... and yes the sh!t will hit the fan at the time, but the time does pass... time does not stand still. So, what we do with it in the present is all about our future.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

like if I never got on the elevator at all I would still be on the top floor? Thats the penthouse right? Oh Man...stupid me!!
*Catch smacks herself upside the head*

Hugs

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

this is awesome! i love it.