Did you ask him why he was in bed with her? It does seem strange to me. I can't think of any good reason why he would be in her bed....but maybe there is one.

OK, the mattress shopping thing threw me off quite a bit.

What I was going to say before I saw that was: I sometimes crawl into bed with my 12 year old biological son when he gets a migraine headache. I'll cuddle him or rub his temples until the worst of it has passed. You know...it's a comfort thing while he's in pain.

But after reading the mattress story, I say this: wtf?

Is your SD really tall? My 15 YO bio son is super tall and needs the queen size so his feet won't hang off. haha. Maybe that's the case here?

Or maybe she has the same kind of issues my youngest does. I dunno.

I hope it's completely harmless and innocent, but even if it is...I would also feel weird about it. You aren't alone on that one.

I guess with the topic... I don't think it's normal for them to sleep in the same bed... Fearless said it raises the eyebrow on the ick-factor which made me LMAO!! But I totally agree... ick.

Weight is an ongoing issue with my BS, I noticed him first starting to gain weight in 1st grade, not real bad, but getting a bit pudgy, then to his credit he did have some health issues, he has a bone diseases and has had 3 hip surgeries. However he now has a clean bill of health, he is xrayed every 3 months and goes to the Orthopedic Doc for checkups every 6 months. My ex however has issues with putting him on a "diet"... he worries this will affect his self esteem ... while I don't want to put him on a diet per se... he DOES need help with this. He is not going to do it on his own. BUT, this is the pattern that developed. He would come here for a week and we were real careful to have healthy snacks and healthy meals, we would walk together as a family, if the weather was bad I had him get on my treadmill. Some weeks he would lose 4-6 pounds which is alot... but then he'd go to his dad's where they had pizza or did fast food MOST nights and he would put every single pound back on and sometimes a couple extra... I am not so sure that kind of yo-yo dieting ... gaining, losing, gaining is good for him either KWIM?

So basically I kind of let it go. I still am very careful about the foods and snacks we have around here, we still eat healthy meals together... I don't PUSH it anymore... but I try to just show him healthy examples and hope as he gets older he will want it for himself. Now, I do have to say he is NOT as big as the girl in this blog... but he is bigger than I'd like to see him.

It's NOT easy if BOTH households are not on the same page tho...
It is what it is...

have you ever asked your SD straight out if her father has ever touched her in a bad way? Eating is a cover up sign for some real issues that obviously started along time ago!!! You really need to sit down and ask this girl, without her father there, if she has ever been touched by her father in a bad way. The fact that you went back to the house and he wasn't expecting you there, he got caught!!!!! He probably "acted like" he was sleeping. You really need to talk to a counselor about this. The fact is most molested girls turn to eating as a source of comfort!!!! I hope it's not this, and most of the time people think, "not him or not in my home" but you really need to think of the child and ask questions!! Another sign is if the girl talks "like a baby" or in a high pitch voice often! GOOD LUCK! And I hope for the girls sake it's just innocent!!!!!!

Yeah thats right and when I called it to the BBs attention back 7 YEARS AGO when it was just 20 lbs. the fat slob told me I was nit-picking since it was only 20 pounds(20 pounds over at age 5 is alot different than 20 pounds at 30- RIGHT!) Well we sat by with very little options as non custodial but we did insist that after eating the plate I made for her if she was still hungry SD would eat fruit- so thats how it went then when SD started living here 2 years ago in the first year she melted from size 24 down to 18 with virtually no other changes other than to get one sodaa day-not a 64 oz.either, and healthier snack foods- not the greasy chips she was so familliar with and on that occassion that she wanted chips we gave her a bowl not the bag(that way she saw how much she was eating),then we got in some together time by walking our dogs together and even working out together and we all did alot of the food choices too since we didn't eat as healthy as we could and now after 2 years she is a size 15-it wasn't easy for anyone but after the first size drop her determination was impressive. We did find out SD was as her mom an emotional eater- wow every one of BBs personalities have huge emotional problems then because BB used to continuously over flow SDs plate and force her to finish it(no clue for portions) and we now do alot more home cooking- I have a few really easy throw the healthy stuff in the crock pot recipes if you want them let me know and i will post.It really did help SD through this that we did it too so it wasn't all about her weight it really was the fear of thing to come for all of us also.

It's not right for SD to be in the same bed as her dad, at the age of 13. It would be different if they where talking or something. But by the age of 13, she's maturing into a woman. Try talking to DH about it, and SD. If it's that they need to cuddled to feel close then they should do it in a common room. Not in a bed. The weight thing, people come in all shapes and sizes, if she's healthy then it's ok, if not, try to offer healthy snacks, maybe SD needs a push to go to a gym to work out, or go for walks together. If she's insecure, she may need a nother woman to talk to about it. She may feel more comfotable working out with you, and it may get her to open up.

I probably wouldn't straight out ask if 'her dad' had ever touched her in a bad way, maybe it would be better asked if 'a man' has ever touched her in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable. If it was just innocent then you would be opening a bee's hive in your marriage, as I am sure it would really hurt him if she went and told him and also maybe making her overly aware of anything her dad does, even if it is just innocent. Also maybe ask him if he think she may have been molested and see what his reaction is.

My mum has a thyroid condition also and has been strangely large her whole life, in fact from just 2 years old. She tries hard to lose weight but on the hips, thighs and butt it does little to lose the weight. Usually if it just the thyroid (well in may family anyway) there tends to parts of the body that stay normal size for instance my mother has really skinny hands and ankles, much smaller than you would expect from an overweight person. This may be a small sign of whether her weight is soley from the thyroid problem or from over eating. Good Luck.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

I worked on a sexual assault helpline for 4 years and received extensive ongoing training. This blog gave me goosebumps. Although it could be a harmless thing that maybe he was just in there scratching her back and fell asleep, but I would listen and watch carefully from now on. One question I would ask is, what time did you return home unexpectedly? Is there a possibility of you dropping in at this time again in the near future when no one expects it?

I wouldn't bring it up with hubby just yet. If there is something going on sexual, he certainly isn't going to come out and tell you. I don't think I would contact the ex's either, who knows how vindictive they are from the past and they could acuse just to get back at him. This could be detrimental to all involved if he was innocent.

I would talk about the facts of life with your SD though and then explain about good touching and bad touching. You'll have to phrase it depending on her maturity to understand of course. Tread lightly when asking her if anyone has touched her in this way. Remember to keep in mind that most young victims know its wrong when someone is abusing them, but they also have mixed feelings and think that this person loves them more by doing it; that they are special.

Maybe a couple of days before or after these other questions to SD, you could be talking about something and say, hey, I saw Daddy all snuggled up with you the other morning....does he keep you company often? Whatever the response is, let the conversation drop after that answer so that she doesn't think its any big deal just yet.

If it turns out to be an innocent thing that has taken place, set some ground rules down with hubby that this is not appropriate anymore. She is now a young woman.

Praying that things will work out for you....
Corie