family study to find out if BM can have 100% placement/more CS
I have been away from this site for awhile, but thought I should check back in for those who remember my situation.
BM is taking DH back to court for 100% (currently 50/50) and higher child support payments (currently $386/m). DH and I had to hire a guardian ad litem for my 13 year-old SD, it cost us $1000 and BM doesn't have to pay a dime of it and she was the one who filed against us! DH and I will also have to pay another $300 for a family study, again BM doesn't have to pay a dime! Also, the BM has an accusation in her court papers in regards to domestic violence, so PADA (people against domestic & sexual abuse) is providing BM with a free attorney.
The reason BM doesn't have to pay is because she is a poor skank and is already on food stamps and state health insurance for her 7 year-old son and herself. DH has paid for everything for his 13 year-old daughter since birth and skank (BM) has never paid a dime. Even when it switched to 50/50 and BM got CS, she never paid her 50%, we paid all. What makes the courts think that with 100%, any of it is going to go to my SD?
One of the main things saving us is the fact SD's grades went from a 3.733 GPA (when with us 50%) to a 1.933 GPA (while in BM's 100% placement). Our lawyer is also going to try to argue that BM's income is too low and she cannot afford to care for SD 100%.
All of this stemmed from a 13 year-old not getting her way and wanting to live with BM full-time. This way SD would have absolutely no rules to follow or a strong family structure. And the proof is in SD's grades of why kids need rules and structure.
BM had a whole list of lies in her court papers for filing this petition for 100% placement - info BM claims SD told her. Our attorney insinuated that he may put a child on the stand. If BM gets 100% placement, I am cutting off my relationship with SD, due to the fact SD has a large part in the lies and manipulation. SD will be hurt by this because currently I take her shopping and spend alot of time and money on her.
Oh, BTW I took SD's best friend shopping one afternoon (friend is from a single mom household and mom doesn't have much time/money to spend on her) and my SD is very angry about this. SD apparently thinks that she is the only one that I should spend time/money on. I thought SD was very selfish with this thought. I am a very generous person and I have always been generous and I have a soft spot for kids. I used to take a niece of mine (years before SD came along) who's parents did not have money and take her school clothes shopping and spend 300-400 dollars. If I am spending my money, I should be able to spend it on whoever I want to spend it on!
Any step mom's going through anything like this?
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Comments
Same thing
We go to court in December for the same thing. We currently have 50/50 and BM wants full just because. From what I understand BM has a greater burden of proof this time because a decree has already been established. By that she would have to prove that there is abuse or drugs of which she has neither. I think it's just being selfish. BM filed this over 1 1/2 years ago and we are just know getting a court date. My SD has really good grades and SD has 3 other sisters in our house. I don't understand why a judge would take my SD from a family environment to a house with just mom. Obviously we have structure as well and she has none.
Unfortuantely, shared custody means less burden of proof
If you are 50/50 it's easier to win custody than if you are non-custodial. You only have to prove that there is no cooperation and than one decision maker would be more beneficial to the child. There are still a lot of hoops to jump through. But you need more burden of proof to take full custody away than you do to terminate shared parenting.
Just follow everything to a T, and be cooperative and you shouldn't lose 50/50. If your DH shows he can collaborate then he won't lose his rights just because BM wants full. If the problem is that BM can't collaborate, are you guys willing to take full?
Peace, love, and red wine
just got letter....
stating the attorney from PADA has canceled her services. this means bm will have to get another attorney in order to take this any further. I am soo excited, there is no way she can afford an attorney.
I agree with you on your situation, they will see that your environment is much better for the child. I think the courts can see right through these manipulative women who are just using kids for their own gain. Too bad the kids have to see all the crap. Hang in there, it will work out for you, I can only hope.
Does the ex-wife smoke?
Recent articles have come out showing that favor was shown to NON-SMOKING parents - especially if the smoking parent does so in their home and in their car. Just FYI!
I don't know...this one will depend on the judge
My SD has asthma and is deathly allergic to dogs. Her Ped Doc was appalled BM had an inside shedding dog. Yet the GAL never including this in her report. Because no one addressed it, BM got two other dogs after we got custody. At least SD says there are three total, BM claimed to DH last week there are only two.
My point is the court really seemed to care less. Now SD keeps getting sick when she goes to BM's, and BM gives her a couple extra allergy meds that she's not supposed to be taking due to the prescription allergy med she already takes. But...BM IS a NURSE after all and therefore knows better than the Dr if she should have multiple mixed breed shedding dogs around SD, right?
I think it all depends on a the judge and their personal background/knowledge of health issues.
Peace, love, and red wine
cool, thanks
yes she does smoke and I stated this in our court papers that we are concerned about SD's exposure to 2nd hand smoke
wait a second....i am BM and
wait a second....i am BM and i smoke. Yes, it is outside and never in the car BUT smoking is no grounds to lose a child! A judge would laugh you out of court!
I hate to say this, but if
I hate to say this, but if the other party doesn't smoke, and there are other significant factors YES. They will take into consideration a smoking and non smoking environment. Smoking is unhealthy for everyone involved-how would you feel if your child picked up smoking bc they saw you doing it?!
.
Whoa, I didn't know that. I should really keep that in mind about the smoking thing just in case something comes up in the future. We don't smoke, and I know BM smokes inside her car like a chimney, not sure about the house though. Hmm.
"For the love of herself, she acknowledged her worth."
Why doesn't BM pay anything for GAL?
We asked for GAL in our initial paperwork, and the court ordered it and split it 50/50. They did the same for mediation, and any other court costs other than our attorney fees.
Maybe this is state to state? County to county?
Peace, love, and red wine
bm doesn't ever pay..
not even her 50%. DH pays cs and 100% of everything the kid needs/wants! it is supposed to be 50/50 on everything even after his cs payment.
during my divorce
We had 2 GAL's and at first we split the cost but my income was so much lower than BF that he had to pay it all. Not sure if he ever did. I also had a lawyer from legal aide so that cost me nothing also. BF was making more money than me and I had 3 kids to support too.
Its not always fair but it should not take away from your kids to fight for them.