No, it's not court ordered but it was ordered by the psychiatric clinic that SD attended for 12 days after her suicide attempts. Her psychiatrists there saw very clearly what was making SD sick: her mother. They ordered Family Based Therapy to come into both homes 2-3 times per week for 9 months and evaluate SD's relationships with her family members and then work on making changes in any inappropriate behavior to help SD thrive. We were told point blank that the idea was to either get BM to change her ways and learn to coparent and not use her child as her only support system, or recommend to the courts that SD live in a more stable environment: with us. They commended us for dealing so well with BM, so I don't think they're trying to make any changes in our behavior if you catch my drift.

At our first (and only so far) appointment at our house, one of the therapists turned to me and said "in the event that something were to happen, how would you feel if SD were to come live here?" I told her I would welcome her with open arms. They asked me this after they told us a story of a Munchausen by proxy case where they worked for almost a year to get a little boy out of his mother's custody. Do you see where they're going with this?

BM is proving 2-3 times per week just how impossible she is to work with. She's not going to change. But they're going to try for 9 months to say that they gave it their all.

SD is actually doing surprisingly well through all this. I don't know how she copes with a mother like that, but I guess she has a good support system with her therapists and of course, her dad and me. Luckily, she didn't witness BM's dramatics at last night's appointment. She was next door with her grandfather so the therapists could just work with the parents.

What I'm baffled by is, here is an ivy-league educated woman, so she's obviously intelligent, but she CANNOT get it through her thick skull that the only way she is going to keep custody of her daughter is by cooperating with the therapists and learning to coparent. They do NOT want to hear any of her ugly mudslinging, whether it's true, false or anything in between! She thinks she's making a case for herself by sullying his name, yet all she's doing is making it very clear to them that she is incapable of changing for the good of her child. How stupid can Ms. Ivy League be?!

Yeah, it's funny that her being her usual stubborn vindictive self is actually becoming helpful to us. I know it's hard on SD, but at least she didn't have to be around for it last night. And when BM badmouths us out the wazoo to SD, the therapists are teaching SD to say things like "do not say bad things about my father" and walk away, rather than sit there and listen to it and get ensconced in the nonsense.

You'd think that if two therapists were telling you 2-3 times per week to stop the parental alienation because it hurts your kid, that you'd at least try your best to stop, right? Not this woman, nooooo. Even when faced with losing custody because of it, she just makes excuses and blathers on and wriggles on the hook and says "yes, but..." to everything they say. She thinks EVERYONE ELSE is wrong!

What a poor little victim she is.

My best friend of 20 years told me once that there would have been little hope for SD if it hadn't been for me. She said that without having me as a positive healthy female role model, SD would only have known BM's irrational irresponsible behaviors and would have either grown up to be just like her or just lost her own sanity trying to fight her mother's insanity on her own. Not that her dad hasn't always been there for her, but the poor guy was renting a room in a friend's apartment, penniless, unable to provide a stable living environment for her, and just stretched beyond the max. Plus, he's a guy and my best friend said although girls need their dads, they also need a woman to model themselves after and BM ain't it!

It really warmed my heart that my best friend said that to me. She and I met at the same age SD was when I met her (9). It brought back so many childhood memories just playing with her like I used to play with my best friend when I was 9 myself. SD just loves it that I "get" her. She says it's because we're so close in age (17 1/2 years apart) and her parents are just OLD (52 and 53). Yes, he's robbing the cradle, what can I say? We're 23 years apart. I'm closer in age to his daughter! :O Luckily he looks young!

Thanks for making those points, Candice. My response?

1. I never said she was credible, just that she was intelligent. I thought intelligence would be enough to figure out that she NEEDS to cooperate with the therapists, but when mental illness takes over, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
2. Thank you for your kind words. I am so blessed that SD looks to us for guidance despite all her mother's attempts to turn her against us. I think she clings to the stability and sanity we provide. I sure hope it stays that way!

My fiance and I were beside ourselves when we heard that SD was suicidal. We felt so helpless because of BM's power. Luckily, the psych clinic that BM chose to treat SD ended up really coming to bat for SD. Now we don't feel so helpless.

The therapists already see BM for what she is so her lies don't scare me anymore.

Fortunately, this toxic stress - which used to DESTROY me - has not had too much effect on me lately. Ever since things came to a head and SD ended up in the clinic where they are truly taking care of her, I feel very calm and at peace with all this. I'm just holding onto the hope that everything will be ok in the end. I really thought my pregnancy was ruined at first and I could feel my blood pressure rise and bile rise to my throat at the very thought of BM, but at this point I am feeling very positive and letting all the drama just roll off my back. I take comfort knowing that things are about to change. I don't feel hopeless anymore. I can just laugh at her antics and know that she's digging her own grave.