I've been in exactly this situation. BM and Hubby are supposed to (per divorce agreement) share 50/50 all medical expenses that weren't covered by insurance. They've been divorced for many years and Hubby has always paid all the medical expenses. He also said that he didn't want the hassle, that she would mess with visitation and cause trouble and blah blah blah. But then I finally had had enough when he was going through tough financial times and I was the one paying the medical expenses and I got so very very angry and hurt because, as I said to him, "You don't think the mother should have to pay for her own children, but you don't mind that your new wife does." And I should also mention that BM takes the skids to the emergency room for almost everything, even if if they have a cough, so the bills were piling up. Well, I let him know, in a very non confrontational way, that I was so very very angry and very hurt by the whole situation. He finally broke down and said it was mostly guilt. Guilt over leaving them and then the whole man thing where he wanted to be the one taking care of his children. With my Hubby I have to take it slow or he gets all frustrated and angry, so I just kept up a slight pressure, reminded him that the BM had agreed to this in the settlement, and just let my disapproval be known until he finally admitted (just a couple months ago) that the BM needs to start keeping up her end of the deal. Of course, the test for this will come shortly, as we just got the EOB for a few dr. visits in Feb. But I have high hopes.

My best advice is to do the same. Let your husband know that this bothers you, that you don't think it's fair. Try to be logical, and don't be too pushy, it just seems to set their backs up. Remind him that this is something BM agreed to, so she can't say anything or do anything against it.

Good luck.

One of my favorite sayings is "You already have NO" meaning what does it hurt to ask. Sometimes you might just get a yes Go ahead and find a respectful way to communicate the request.

If she says no, then weigh your options. Is it worth getting lawyers involved to make her follow the court order? If it is then go for it. It really depends on how far your willing to go.

Who knows maybe she will agree without a fight, you'll never know until you at least ask....

and don't like either.

1. I am a PP bio, receive CS and never ask my ex to pay half of anything... he is disorganised/irresponsible and my credit rating is important to me-- frankly I do not want to deal with him. In the past he has complained about how much CS he pays.. I highlighted the divorce decree and sent copies of all the bills and check copies for school fees, extras anything I could find that was included in the decree and said If you want to whine I can make your life more miserable and demand that you pay your half.

2. I am a SM, My DH has 50/50 pays CS and covers all of the kids expenses. I even carry them on my insurance. He has only asked eX to help with braces--she doesn't make her payments so he does for her!!!!
She complains of how little CS she gets and DH will not send the decree along with all of the receipts that he has paid --so we get the monthly I need more money from her.

So in a nutshell DH and I do what we do to limit our dealings with the EXes and protect our own interests at the same time. I do think that Dh could be more effective at shutting her down.

My husband paid for all the medical/dental until she took us back for modification. Let me tell you I am so happy she did. Even though our CS went up she now has a ded. of 100 per child per year and then 20% after that- as long as she stays in the network if she leaves the network she is responsible for all- we ask for the receipts and keep track of her first 100- no receipt no credit we keep a spreadsheet of all medical expenses and checks we write to her for our portion of medical- This has been the greatest asset to us and it has been a god sent- it has curved her from just up and taking them. you see she would call up and scream b/c she would want her money for the derm. bill over 190- well we didn't have it until the next week by making her pay for a portion she now has asked for samples, and medication that is on the list- before she didn't give a crap-
It is a bit of a hassle to keep track but we have caught her in lies about perscriptions and in the long run i believe it has saved us.
Good luck

I say follow the decree/order/whatever to the absolute letter in all matters from day one, otherwise you're just setting yourself up for heartache. Because he never asked her to reimburse him before, it's highly unlikely she's going to willingly do it now, even though it's in the decree. Me? I'd expect her to pay her share, period. But refusing visitation is a common weapon and you should be prepared for that. It's not fun.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

My DH has held her to her part from day one. We believe that it's best that way. They do not get along and she often complains of money issues. But she receives a VERY significant amount of money from him every month for both child support and alimony so she has no room to complain about money. One of the SS's has a medical issue that does bring with it some "out of pocket" medical costs.

We make a spreadsheet every month of what he has spent on SS, it is emailed to her with a due date (she has 60 days to pay 50% of it), and copies of all receipts, etc. If she does not pay on time she gets a reminder via email and then it goes to court. He has gotten judgments for these amounts in the past. She went an entire year without paying even one of these medical reimbursements, he got the judgments and then made them liens on her house. When she refinanced her house he got all money owed (she also got stuck with court costs for each one, interest, and filing fees). After this she started paying them on time for almost a year. She is now back to refusing to pay them (it's a never-ending cycle it seems), but will begin building up judgments again. We will eventually see the money as we should. It sometimes takes a little urging on my part, but we do agree that she must be held to her part of the decree, period.

You can bet that she sends him breakdowns every month of any money she has had to pay out of pocket for the ss's and expects him to pay on time (which he has every single time, regardless of how behind she was). Just a little information for fun: she has MULTIPLE times tried to send receipts that are for her own prescriptions to get him to pay half. She has also sent the same receipts two months in a row to try and get reimbursed twice for the same expenses. We have to watch this very closely and call her out on this. She claims it's an accident every time, but it has happened too many times to buy that. We just send an email to the point explaining how much of it he will be paying and how much he will not and why. Then he sends the amount that she is entitled to.

No matter what we do she will find bad things to say to the kids about us. We just keep doing what we feel is right by the kids day in and day out (which includes never mentioning a single word about anger/issues with their BM; not once have we or will we; what they know of our disagreements they know from her)... and we hold her to what she should do when we can.

My advice is to absolutely request that money from her, and do not let her get away with refusing to pay it. Keep written records of everything. Think about the fit she would throw if he did not pay his support. It's the same thing and you are entitled to it.