It would be absolutely IMPOSSIBLE between sharing 2 kids with 2 houses for us to not NOT attend other functions without my skids there. Unfortunatley the rest of the wrold doesn't revolve around our every other weekend schedule. NOW things that we are physically responsible for planning we try our hardest to make sure it's a weekend when we are a family of 6, but when it's other people's schedules, I cannot MAKE them not have their BBQ that weekend, or pool party or sleepover, etc. My skids don't like missing stuff either, we don't RUB it in their face, but we would never make it be this BIG SECRET either, because then it looks like we were conspiring behind their backs.BUT what kid doesn't want to go do something fun.....my skids have no maternal family here in TEXAS on BM's side, BUT I have 100's of immediate family here in TEXAS, so they married into a big family. They love have cousins, step sisters, friends all here who truly care for them, of course BM just doesn't see how in the world could my family possibly LOVE her KIDS, that just goes to show you how evil this woman is, I want the whole wide world to love my kids!!!!!

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

This poor kid is just being torn between everyone with the lies, and if you stick to your guns with being honest, he'll see through it all.

I just feel so awful for this child. My how confused he must be when his own mother, and it's obvious that SHE is the one that HAS the problem and is insecure about 'keeping up with the Jones' syndrome. She needs to learn to cope with it, unfortunately.

I'd sit down with the SS and explain how you miss having him with you, but you make very conscious plans to try to include him with other events to 'make up for it' when he is with you- that way he understands that you still try to include him as much as possible. I'd also mention that his time at his mother's is his time with HER, and if his mother can't or won't do the same for him, he should ask or suggest that they do things together at home, such as play games, watch a movie, spend time together. If she refuses him, then he knows that he has done all that he can, and he can feel better that he attempted.

I think that's really frustrating for blended families. The grass is always seen greener on the other side, but truthfully, everyone is affected by it.

StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

I wouldn't lie either. I remember when the ex was upset because her daugther knew she had mommy weekends and daddy weekends. She wanted to shelter her the divorce. This is all she knows (she was 2 when it happened). We get excited when she tells us about her weekend plans with mommy and we get excited when it is our weekend with her.

I, too, come a big family and the ex has a very small immediate family and no friends. So in our house there is always something going on. If we are also planning something we do it on her weekend here.

But like you said you can't always make things around other peoples schedules. My family always tries to include SD because they also love her but it doesn't always work.

I rememeber a few months ago we had a dress fitting for my SD ( she is in my brothers wedding) and we asked if he could have just for an hour..well didn't the ex tell us to never plan things on her weekend. So she had to be excluded. It was a time when the dress maker was available and everyone could be together (some were coming from overseas). We did manage to make another date just for her. I think because it was my brother that she said no. SD didn't tell us of anything exciting she did that weekend.

Just do the best you can. I wouldn't lie either. It is their lives..product of divorce like you said. Maybe they should think of things to do...other than shopping!!!!! (mine's the smae)

where bm was mad at us for either having fun or not lying about it to ss. The result in our situation is opposite from what most people predicted for us. Everyone said..."don't lie...keep telling the truth..and one day he will know who lies and who doesn't." Well, now our ss is 13, and he is a compulsive liar. He is so negative, always complaining, exaggerating the lies to make people feel sorry for him, refuses to trust no one, and I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wish I had more optimistic words for you, and I don't mean to sound like a negative nancy, but this is a very hard situation for us, as I am sure it is for you. No matter what, I don't think you should lie to your ss. If he is getting mad, it is b/c his mother is dropping the ball and not being there for him, and you guys are shinning the light on that. That is why she is mad at you guys.

Our bm likes to socialize a lot, and that comes before her kids. She has lied so much, no one can trust her, and for us, she worked to contaminate my dh's relationship with his own son, just to be vindictive. I struggle with this, b/c of course I get to be the target for his resentment...and all I ever get is..."he's a kid...or...this is what you get for marrying a man with a kid...". I'm so frustrated b/c no one ever says or trys to get bm to be accountable for any of her past mistakes. It's always how much more you need to put up with.

I hope you guys do come out on top on this one. Unfortunately for us, we did not, or at least we have not yet. I personally don't have faith in ss right now b/c I believe he will grow up to be his mother rather than like his father, and he will continue to be the compulsive liar that he is. You never know though, things could be totally different for your ss, and I whole heartedly hope for you that things will be different for your ss!

Good luck with your situation,
Candice