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What hurts....

h6not3's picture

Submitted by h6not3 on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 3:53pm

I take my step-children to school and pick them up from school every day but Thursday......What hurts is on Thursdays when their mom picks them up.....they pretend they don't know me as they walk past me to get into moms car.

Can't wait for the day this will all change...

Comments

Lacey's picture

Submitted by Lacey on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 4:02pm

I can see why that would hurt.I haven't been thru that with any of my BC or SC and I am thankful for that.I do know that my ex has told our BD to not like my BF.This really upsets her because she really likes my BF but is afraid to upset her Dad by talking about my BF or to my BF.I wonder if the kids just think that they will be betraying thier BM if they show her that they like you.

Lacey

h6not3's picture

Submitted by h6not3 on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 4:06pm

I think I know why they do it....They miss their mom. They see her every other weekend, and periodically on Thursdays. Their father and I are the only two that discipline, and I think that they are releived to see mom and be able to express their dislike towards me. Just like in the past. I can see why they do it, it just hurts and when my husband comes home and I tell him (like I do every Thursday), I don't think he understands the pain. My two children adore him.

It felt good to tell someone. My daughter notices that they do it...that sucks.

h6not3's picture

Submitted by h6not3 on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 4:12pm

I think i'm feeling beat up again (just like 2 weeks ago)....always being here for these kids (SS/SD) and being disrespected over and over again.

It's hurts more today because I felt bad for my SS's attitude this morning and my response to him, so I surprised him at school today to have lunch with him. He was excited to see me, and we met up with my daughter and SD along with my 4 years old and we all sat and ate lunch. To have them do this just hours later makes me feel like I put forth effort all the time and it's only to get shit on day in and day out.

I don't like my role in this parenting/step-momming relationship. I feel totally walked on.

My grammar is so piss poor right now, but I'm just trying to get my frustrations out...:) Sad

Enuffsenuff's picture

Submitted by Enuffsenuff on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 4:25pm

I haven't dealt with that too much, but I will say I would feel very hurt also if that happened to me. Could it be that the children don't know if it is okay to respond(wave, say hi, act excited to see you) because mom is there? Or do you think BM has made it clear that it's not acceptable?
Just wondering.

h6not3's picture

Submitted by h6not3 on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 4:31pm

I honestly don't know if they are allowed to show excitement when seeing me. The children are very open about what mom will "put up with" and of course not put up with. Example: We had green beans for supper the other night, and little SS said "oh yeah, mom said that we don't have to eat these anymore and if you (meaning dad) have a problem with that, she said to just call her"......I have many more but that is just an example.

So, I'm sure they have been told something in reference to "not go near her if i'm here picking you up" or something to that nature. My husband said he would ask the kids why they do it, but I don't like adding any more stress to their already stress filled life. I'm sure that as soon as they get into mom's car, she asks them 100 questions, we try to never do that when they are with us....even thoug I would love to ask...they would probably tell me every nasty thing she has said......however, I just remain tight lipped.

vh's picture

Submitted by vh (not verified) on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 4:38pm

My BF thinks that everything that takes place at his house is an open book with BM. But the SD's don't talk much at all about what's going at BM and boyfriends house. And he tries not to ask either..tries not to put them in a situation where they might think they are saying something they shouldn't. But for some reason it seems they can talk freely about what he does. His kids kind of like to keep things separate, but I think that is changing now that I'm in the picture. One of the SD's actually asked her mom if she could get me something for XMAS. BM said sure. She got me some body butter from Victoria Secret, which I think is cute. I don't have nearly the problems with BM as the rest of you. She is seemingly to be very acceptable of our relationship. I think she is truly glad he has someone since she cheated on him and moved directly into her BF's house when they finally split. We've been together 2 1/2 years, but I was just introduced to skids a little over 7 months ago. It seems to be a long process of acceptance, seems slow at times, but I think it will come around. If I can hold on that long Wink

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Thu, 01/04/2007 - 5:43pm

Could it be that they are just focused on being with her because it's different on Thursdays and it's nothing more than just a change from the usual routine? If she's the "fun parent" and you guys are the daily grind, well, it's probably nothing personal, just being excited about a change from the norm. It might not have even dawned on them that you feel slighted. Or it could just be awkward and they feel like they are walking a tightrope, not wanting to tick off their mom. And you're right, who knows what they've been instructed by her to do during her pick-ups. I think having their dad ask them about it is the way to go, if you feel like you need an answer or would like change. You might not get change, but it might open up the door to your at least understanding why they do this. But you know what? I'd try not to let it get to me, because as I'm sure you know, even bios can push our buttons and take us for granted. Someday, when they are more mature, they will remember and understand that four days out of five, it was YOU who was there for me. Try to take comfort in that.

~ Anne ~