Am I alone in this one?
Good Morning!
Well, the xmas shopping is done. We have a great evening planned with all the kids at a christmas party. The children go to their BM and BD for xmas eve and come back home at 10pm to wake up with us on Christmas morning. I'm very excited.
However.......what keeps looming in my mind is that Tuesday morning I will have SS and SD all week (along with my two) because school is out. This means that I have a whole week of backtalk, eye rolling, feet stomping, yelling, and disrespect. URGHGGGGG...
Am I alone in this one? Does anyone else have this same situation? I wish that my husband could take a week of vacation so I wouldn't have to watch his two by myself. I did it all summer and it was a nightmare. 
We have all four all week, but I only have to send three of them off to school (my little one stays home still) and then pick them up from school so thats only 3 hours with them alone until their dad gets home. (They act soooo much better when he is home)
I know this is something that I just need to buck up and handle. And I've been doing pretty good all week with not taking what they say to heart. SD has actually been quite nice the last couple days.
I just wish their mother would call and say...."HEY! I'm going to take a couple days off and spend some time with my kids! I MISS THEM!!!....
That would be asking for a miracle. Any advise?
Thanks 
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Do you think...
That some of it is that you are a little reluctant to discipline his children in fear of them saying lies or something.. I know I am a little reluctant beause of the teenager saying crap that is just not right.. Little hard to do though now for her since BM and I talk.. I am just curious though. Because like you I put up with way more out of sk then I do my bio's.. I even asked my husband that if we were having our children together would we argue on how to raise them because we are so different and he said that he thinks that we would have been good with having our kids together.. I can tell you one thing they would be respectful of people and there feelings.
O'well .. i was just wondering..
I definately put up with way
I definately put up with way more from my SKs. Wayyyyy more. Main one....I can give my son a spanking for talking back. Can't do that with the SS. So, I think he realizes this and does it even more. I think that if my husband and I were to have children together, they would definately be more respectful than his children. Their mother has absolutely NO control over her children, so this leaves it to us to do the controling. And they hate it. Why? because mom doesn't make them do anything. She cooks them what they want, lets them sleep in her bed. No bed-time. Buys them new clothes at the GAP every other weekend (but then tells them that daddy has all the money and she has no money to buy them xmas presents). She receives a LARGE amount of child support but only has them 6 nights out of 30. The only reason we haven't gone to court is because she would just tell the judge that "I JUST CAN"T HANDLE THEM" and she wouldn't take them at all.
That scares me! She also had a relationship with a married man from work and now has a beautiful baby girl that is 3 months old. The kids have no idea who the dad is and this also breaks my heart. When she told us she was pregnant, the first thing that came to our minds was how this was going to affect the kids.
Why does she get child support
Why does she get child support at all when you guys have primary custody?! What is WRONG with this system?
It is amazing how much
It is amazing how much better I feel when I get to vent this stuff out!
We actually don't have
We actually don't have primary custody. The orginal was 50/50. But over the past 2 years, she has decreased her willingness to "handle them". So, my husband said "no more...we will not let the kids go through your emotional roller coasters anymore." So, we now have them nearly 100% of the time. It is very sad. And I get sooooo angry every weekend that she gets them because they stand at the window and wait for her and now that they can tell time, they grow angrier when she is late. She is supposed to drop them off at 6pm on Sunday after her weekend, and by 12noon she is calling saying she is just soooo tired and needs to drop them off.
We PUSH her to take the kids, and they suffer terribly because of it. So, that is why she still gets her child support. Actually, we send the check right to her landlord, that way the rent gets paid. OTherwise, she wouldn't pay her rent. I could go on......and on.
Absolutely! Number one
Absolutely! Number one should be the children. The children see that they are NOT number one and therefore I beleive this is why I get the constant disrespect from them. This past summer was a nightmare. I had them everyday and I found out that she took a week vacation and stayed home and watched tv. She didn't tell us or the kids that she was staying home. That would have given me a week of spending time with my 2 children who have to listen to me try and reason and discipline the SS/SD.
Don't get me wrong, my two need discipline as well. However, they were raised not to talk back since they were babies. My ex and I are both serious when it comes to respect, and just being a good person.
I have no idea what will fly out of either one of these kids mouths (SS/SD) at any given point or time. It usually leaves my daughter with a look of "oh my gosh, I can't beleive she said that" on her face.
You might wonder why I am in this situation. And honestly, I try and figure things out all the time. How I can get them to be at moms more, how I can get a couple days with just my two, how can I get her to take a vacation with them. I'ts hopeless most of the time.
I enjoy seeing all four kids smile and enjoy life. Before I met my husband, his children spent a lot of time in daycare, and I would rather have them with me than with a daycare all the time.
I guess if it weren't for my husband being an amazing mate, I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago. He's my one true love.
Have a great day!
You know what..
I think that you are a great person for all the kids..
You said up there that they were in daycare a lot? How old are they.. I am sure you have said but please forgive my not remembering? I only ask because if they do not want to respect you in any way I would ask them would you like to be here or at day care every day. Point out the stuff that is theres that they will be able to do at there own home verses what they will be doing at daycare.
I have a story for you. When I was 19 I was marrying my first husband.. His son was 4. His son would eat just corn for dinner because that is what he wanted and dad let him. I came into the picture and vowed to make this kid my buddy first.. I played with him and everything.. Earned his trust.. Took care of him all the way. Then one day , see his mom and I disliked one another and he knew this. So he told his mom I spanked him and made him call me mom. Which was a lie totally. I do not believe in spanking SK, so after his mom called me and we had words.. I of course was hurt and in shock over what she said. I made dinner and we 3 sat down to eat. SS right across from me and I said *** so I got a call from your mom today, he said yeah. I said do you have anything you would like to tell me.. he pretty much by that time got scared and then I blurted it out about him lying to her about me hitting him and stuff. So I said well from now on you will go with your dad everyday I will no longer watch you until you can tell the truth. he went home and told his mom the truth but I made him go in the cold everyday with his dad to the farm.. But that kid never said another lie about me.. Ever..
I taught him a lesson.
Try to figure out a way to teach them a lesson. IF you are there full time mom then it is time to show them who the boss is.. And show your bio kids that mom is fed up with the rudeness..
Best wishes Happy
You are correct all the way
You are correct all the way through....Thank you very much for your advise.
I need a lot of advise.
When I put my foot down, I feel badly after doing so. When my two children disrespect or disobey, I do not feel bad for correcting them. However, the look that the Stepchildren give me makes me want to cry. They can be soooo disrespectful.
I have got to start putting my foot down.
You and I agree that your consequences are correct. I need to follow through and not back down. They both have lied to their mother about me and my ways of disciplining them. Their words have hurt me such that I have been in dazes just because I can't get the words out of my head.
Have a great Christmas.....:) Hope to chat again
Sorry Happy,The are SD (9)
Sorry Happy,
The are SD (9) and SS (7).
Thank you Fearless.And a
Thank you Fearless.
And a hug for you when you need one
I wish that the ex could read the posts from all these women. She could learn so much from all of them.
h6not3
To think, we have the opposite problem...
I'm sorry you get such attitude from your stepkids. Try to remember that they are angry and hurting and you're just the easy target, even though you are NOT the reason for their pain. Their mother abandoned them basically. That's gotta hurt!
You're a great mom, bio AND step. You're raising another person's children - you deserve a medal! I don't really have any advice for you, but I have lots of sympathy.
When times are tough, just think about those of us who fight to see the stepkids and are constantly denied visitation. We WANT to have 6 weeks with SD in the summer, we WANT to be more a part of her life. But BM is impossible to deal with and won't take her claws out of the poor kid for her to have a relationship with us.
And when times are tough for us, not getting to see SD as much as we'd like, I will think of you, ready to pull your hair out with no break from the eye-rolling, disrespecting, feet-stomping, bratty behavior of SD/SS and I will remember that maybe the grass is not always greener and to be careful what I wish for!
Happy Holidays and good luck with all this! Keep coming here to vent. It REALLY helps! Remember you are NOT alone!
Thank you soooo much. You
Thank you soooo much. You are very kind. Everyone here has been unbeleivably kind. I have felt a great deal better ever since I have been able to share my pain.
I can't wait for the day that they might thank me for being in their life. I know that it will come someday.....but for right now, I'm definately the evil one. And it hurts, but I won't back down from what is right.
When you made the comment about how the BIOmoms won't let their kids go to the step-parents house......it makes me want to email this site to the biomom so she can see all the love that women have for all these children.
Sadly, she will not be coming to pick them up for christmas eve tomorow. Good news is my ex-husband offered to take them to his moms house. Seeing my husbands kids mistreated by their mother even makes him mad (my x). They have horses at grandma's and the kids will all be able to ride. That has masked their pain for at least this holiday. They all will be with us on xmas day.
Why isn't biomom coming? She wouldn't tell us.
I pray you all have a safe, happy, and peaceful holiday.
h6not3