Hubby is pissed at oldest SD
Hubby is pissed at oldest SD! Youngest SD had asked me & my daughter a couple months ago (smom & ss) if I would plan her bridal shower for her 'Dads' side and said that her mother and sister can put one on for 'Moms' side..
Well oldest wanted us to book a hall for the 1 shower SHE was planning.....
SO her Dad send an e-mail back saying ..I was doing the one for his side..didn't youngest speak to her about that?
Now she's pissed!!! She said "I am talking to youngest about that tomorrow...we'll see....." Youngest has been pushed around by this one about everything so far..and said yesterday..she is not giving in to her this time!!!!!!!!!!
Youngest SD asked me..because she wants me to do it. She feels everyone will be more comfortable with 2 separate showers....on both sides...I agree!!
The groom's people are close to Dad's side...not the mothers..and will be invited. There's not many on Mom's side...and oldest SD..is not happy with only planning a small scale shower for them.
She will rip me apart....for any and everything that I do or do not do for this shower!!!!
She never responded to Dad's last e-mail..asking her to let him know what 'they decide' (we're just going along with whatever the bride wants us to do)
He's pissed.... He was talking about how fed-up he is with her.. The crappy way she is to me...her sister..etc. He's just so fed-up with her bad behaviour, period.
And all this in time for her Christmas visit and New Years Christening of youngest grandchild .....
He hasn't invited her to stay with us....and he won't..he doesn't want her there..I just don't want any drama..one way or another!
......kill .... me. . NOW.....!!!!!!!!!!! lol
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Just to elborate...on just
Just to elborate...on just how stressed out I am right now.
My mother is still acting weird.(suffers major bouts of depression) She has told her 86 yr old mother to 'never call her again!' She has denounced her lifelong 'friend' as being 'not a freind of hers' and is still refusing to answer her phone or call anyone. She did call her granddaughter on her birthday 3 weeks ago..but she barely spoke to my brother. She is mad at the world!!!!!! Know one knows what the may have said or done to trigger her being mad at everyone. Maybe she is also having some kind of 'psycotic epidsode' along with her depression...this time. (This is almost an anuual Christmas tradition)
She is OK...people have stopped by to check on her..and she has answered her door. She is also seeing a counsellor..for whatever goo that is doing. We're making the 5 hr drive down next Saturday, coming back Sunday...
And my kids have been acting up lately..so I'm trying to keep them on track..also. I have an interview for a new job tomorrow. And I'm trying to get on on with making Christmas happen....
So now you know a little more about ... where things are sitting with me right now.... I really don't want to deal with oldest SD and her crap right now......
Wow you have a lot on your
plate..
Well the oldest SD needs to be reminded that this is not her wedding or her day.. Its about the BRIDE not the birdes sister.. Lordy.. She sounds so immature..
I think its awesome that your youngest SD wants to have you be a part of things.. Give her a shower..
Maybe the (SD) bride needs to rethink having her sister stand up for her.. She sounds like she is jealous of the "Little" sister..
Everyday its something new with kids.. You said yours have been acting up.. Can you say stockign full of coal for x-mas.. LOL.. Well I wish you luck in everything..
Wow..I just got off the
Wow..I just got off the phone with hubby. He was just talking to Sd's fiance..who told him..SD has been bawling her eyes out for 2 days now because of her sister. I can't calm hubby down...he is ripping mad!!
He doesn't think he's going to be able to get through x-mas without telling oldest SD off. He suspects oldest is causing a stink partially because she doesn't want ME to to have anything to do with her sisters wedding. (She claims it's because she wants grooms family to meet 'mommy dearests' family.....but if that's what this is really all about...she can invite them to her shower. Problem solved. Simple solution..but we don't think that's the real reason for all this hoopla)
Oldest has also suckered her sister into doing all of her x-mas shopping for the boys.....while she sits on her ass barking out orders for everyone..like she does with her husband. Also a bunch of excuses..Well we're coming there anyway..I don't have time.. It's easier for you to do it, etc.
Oh, and youngest did decide to buy 'dresses'....oldest talked her out of that Thursday..so she's back to square one with dresses again.
Oh and the mother is having 'nothing to do with' her daughters wedding what-so-ever. She is a very much un-interested by-stander. I think part of that is 'pay-back' for SD coming to live with us a few years back.....She has had much less to do with this daughter since then. Mother has actually spent more time visiting oldest in Ontario..than youngest in the same city over the last 2 years.
I don't see hubby very pissed very often....he's usually very good natured... He is ssooooooo PISSED!!!!
He just finished a tyraid about How sick of her he is... How she needs to grow-up. How I am a part of the family..and she better deal with it. I'm not going anywhere. The way she treats the people he loves. She needs to stop bullying her sister... etc.
I think she has finally hit a nerve with her behaviour over the last 8-9 months or so.. Hubby dispises her mother..and right now that's all he's seeing....she's her mothers child..he's told me that many times. But she lives so far away from us..he really didn't have to deal with her much...but she has been 'affecting us' via stuff with me and now SD..more and more lately. He's had it...he's ready to disown her.
I'm trying to get him to calm down...... before he says things he'll regret. I told him what you ladies suggested..a while back..that maybe she is suffering from depression etc from being home * isolated with the kids. She been sitting at home bossing her kids and husband 24/7 for the last 2 1/2 yrs and has 'lost her way' in dealing with people in a give & take way.....
Deep down..I do think she's a self absorbed b*tch just like her mother...but for some reason ..it bothers me...to see him so mad with her. I don't want to come between any child & parent in any way!!! I know, this has more to do with her acting like her mother and hassleing everyone....and not me..but this latest arguement has my name mixed up in it..with me planning a shower..I don't want trouble. I enjoy peace and happiness in my life...especially over the holidays.
She was considering 'Cuba'
She was considering 'Cuba' last week. That and the Dominican are THE vacation & wedding destinations for us east coast..snow-birds. My cousin did that..took a couple friends...had a big reception a month after they got back. Had a big screen playing in the corner of the hall with a slide show of thier wedding...etc.. it was very nice. Those who didn't go still felt like they were a part of it!
Why doesn't he let the two of them work this out.
How about letting the two of them work this whole thing out or talking with them together.
Good For Hubby
Enjoy his tirade. After all the bs you have put up with over the years, its finally sinking in..... I am not suggesting you snicker and say "I told you so", but enjoy those precious few moments when a Daddy sees that his baby girl is not the dream he always thought she was.....
I feel so bad for your other sdaughter... Poor thing, being bossed around like that! YOU and HUBBY do for bride exactly what you want to do. No matter how well it comes off, you will always have a negative comment. Let it come from the witchy daughter. What can you expect from a pig but a grunt!!
Hugs,
Janice
They will have to work it
They will have to work it out. The Dad, the fiance and the youngest are all sick and tired of oldests crap! (I was sick of it long ago.)
It's not just what she's doing to youngest..with the wedding..it's everything! It's the way she's sh*t all over him. The crappy way she treats me. They had a big discussion about that back in May of this year..but she hasn't gotten any better. It's very clear she wishes I would just go away. He's not happy with her, period!
She is very domineering, manipulative, using guilt, tantrums, whatever it takes to get her own way.....and she is totally bullying her sister...and the youngest has always given in to her.
But your right, it's up to her sister to stand up to her and say...HEY this is MY wedding!!
The fiance is ready to tell oldest off himself..
I was talking to one of the bridesmaids on Saturday..she's terrified of her. She supposed to be planning the 'stagette party' but she's afraid of having to do battle with this overbearing woman over everything....
Everyone just dances around her.....
I don't talk to oldest SD, generally...on the rare occasion I answer the phone when she calls here..we say hi..that's it. I don't try to initiate conversation like I used too...and neither does she. And I have no intention of getting involved between the sisters...what-ever the bride wants me to do. It's done. I want her to have a wonderful wedding with wonderful memories!!
The problem that I see...
is that the youngest isn't going to stand up to her. The oldest has manipulated her thus this far, and youngest is feeling insecure around oldest.
I also think that if the oldest is to put on this shower, let her. Let her do it all herself. For one, it isn't fair that the groom's family only knows the dad's side, and they will come to their own conclusions with the crazy mom's side of things. Trust me on this! Just go, and plan your own small simple affair according to the wishes of the Bride. And if you have guest that are 'repeat' offenders- meaning they are planning to attend or have attended the other shower, then don't ask them for gifts... or just make it a gift free shower, but full of fun, food, games. etc. Focus on the bride.
Also, get Ettique Books... literally. I had to do this for my own Mother! I was an only daughter, and my mother had her ideas of what MY wedding should be, and I had my idea. Somewhere in there, my mother got crazy with the planning and was just all over the place because she was so excited. Because of that, my wedding was a blir, no one remembered to set up a video camera, so I really can't say what happened. This is normal the case for most brides.
Oldest has a control issue. She's probably been bullied by her mother, that of course she in turn bullies her youngest sister. I suggest that you or your DH should sit down with youngest, support her in her desires for this time, and then guide her in being strong during this time. She is a bride, and let me tell you how much stress she is on, let alone to have her oldest push her into things she doesn't want. She would rather just go with it than speak up about it so she doens't have to handle more stress.
I eventually ended up just making plans behind my mother's back, because I knew that it wasn't what I wanted. All I asked her to do was my- MY bridal bouquet, because she was a florist. She ended up doing ALL the flowers! And, to top it, while she paid attention to my bouquet, the rest were not the flowers that I chose or wanted... but I chose my battles.
I also think that there are alot of jealously floating around, and that is a bad mix when it comes to weddings. I think some ettique needs to be reminded about who's wedding this is, and why we charish them so much. If it gets worse, this is the exact reason that so many couples just go elope.
Oldest admits she's selfish!!
Oldest sent an appology e-mail to youngest this evening. Said she was being selfish and was sorry..
She also plans on appologising to hubby for her snotty..."we'll see..." e-mail concerning whether I was still going to be planning the shower after her talk to her sister..
(No mention of an appology to me..for her intention to have me 'removed' from the process...what a surprise!! Maybe she doesn't realize we share the same e-mail?!)
Youngest is trying another comprimise... one shower..with me handling details of dad's side..mom handling the details of moms side and oldest SD being the middle-man, planner, coordinator...etc. She wants me involved..bottom line. Youngest is hoping that this way oldest & I will begin chatting and start a lovely relationship over all of this..... UUGH! AT this point..I'd rather cut my tongue out with a popsicle stick!!! After 5 years of crap..I have no desire to 'bond' with this woman in any way, shape, form, manner, etc..the time when I was open to that has passed......
BUT I will smile and go along with whatever youngest wants!!
Ypoungest is completely afraid of what will happen with me & her mother together during shower, rehersal party, wedding...She will speak to her mother and warn her not to start anything!!! You've all read about her screaming obscenities, keying my car..the harrassing phone calls.etc..etc. She does everything in her power to provoke me..it's quite the show!!! But I don't bite......DRIVES HER CRAZY!!!
Her Dad promised her that there will be no trouble from me..no matter what. If her mother gets too out of hand..we'll leave..rather than have her day ruined. Her mother will never be forgiven if that happends.....
Anyway....that's the latest!
That's good to hear...
I'm glad to hear that things are 'working out'... at least for the most part. You're putting the bride first and that's important during this time. Too bad that BM has behavioral issues, because, frankly, she'll 'act out' during this time because her daughter will be getting so much attention that that will be taking away from her. But, maybe she'll actually get the message from her daughter.
Biomom should know better than to cause trouble!
You know what makes the threat of biomom trouble even more sad. Biomom's father was a very obnoxious drunk for most of his life. Hubby tells me..THIS PARENT..caused so much grief for her (& him) during their wedding..
All they did way worry about..what he was going to do.. what he was going to say..was he going to be drunk again..what would they do..how do they 'handle him' etc etc etc. This woman HATED her FATHER for helping ruin her day by worrying about HIM...instead of enjoyiing her day. Turns out ... he did show up at the church 'plastered' and her brother ended up walking her down the isle.
I think I found the phrase to SHUT HER UP if she starts with me..Who knows maybe she'll shake her head an think about what's she doing for a change!
I'll just refer to her by her father's name.....
Ask her how it feels to pass her father's legacy of wedding misery on to her child..
How proud she must be of herself.....
It's been 28 years since their wedding and hubby will still bring up the greif x's father caused for them on that day......his X has never forgotten it either! She hated her father for most of her life!!!!!
OOOUUCH!!!!!! That would be going for the jugular!
I've always been so
I've always been so matter-of-fact and 'passive' with her....I don't think she really 'gets' how vicious I can be if/when I have to...
She has very little self-control.....and I know I can push her buttons. The biggest fight she ever had with her BF was the day she screamed obsenities at me in the frocery store parking lot...he was NOT HAPPY with her tacky little display of vulgarities.....
I know I can stir her up with one little 'father' comment under my breath....I will HIT SUCH A NERVE!!!!! She really is a sitting duck for me..once she starts..her BF will be furious. I can see it all now!!!
I'll do my best to be a 'good girl'.....
....but I'll 'take her out' if she leaves me no other options.....
I LOVE IT!
“but I'll 'take her out' if she leaves me no other options”
I LOVE IT! I just got this picture in my mind of you in full camouflage gear from head to toe laying wait in the bushes waiting to “take her out” at a moments notice!
Make a GREAT Day!
Update.on oldest SD
Update.
I had mentioned in a new thread that oldest appologised (in a way) via e-mail to her Dad...but mostly blamed it on youngest for 'trying to please everyone else' and asked if 'everyone can get along'
Hubby was still pissed and replied along the lines of ..How dare you ask us that question when YOU KNOW who's behaviour is a problem. WE are easy to get along with....Lovin-life has NEVER started or caused any trouble..WE are going along with whatever youngest wants..WE are not giving her a hard time over the wedding..she does NOT have to please us..and knows it.
Well that was over a week ago.... She has called youngest to discuss it, but she is not communicating with us.... Youngest says oldest in now PISSED at us/him for saying what he said!
4 days ago...hubby send an e-mail asking about a certain toy she asked us to get grandson. WE can't find it..but found another thing that goes with his set..but we don't know if he has it.
The e-mail was pleasant and was signed love Dad.....etc
NOTHING..... She won't even discuss the grandkids christmas presents with him now.
The holiday AND Christening for younges grandchild...is going to be wonderful!! He has never seen his youngest grandson.....I hope she doesn't use them as a way to make him pay for speaking his mind.
In a way.... I guess she already is...
She could use them as a way to bridge the gap and get over this disagreement......
She's a peice of work!