She drives me crazy
Things have been pretty quiet aorund here lately. My mind seemed to be a peace with things. Until......well, it started a week ago. My Sd is in my brother's wedding and the dress fitting had to be arranged around people in the party that are coming in from overseas. So my Dh asked the ex if we could have SD for about an hour to do the dress fitting on one of her access times. ABSOLUTLE not....do not arrange things on my access times. Really it is out of our control and I believe she is being spiteful because it is my brother's wedding.
Then the second thing happened this weekend. we were invited to take the kids to a fun resort for two day (normally cost $500 we got it for $100.00) I thought it would be nice to include SD but we don't have her on that day. So Dh asked again if we could switch a day so she could attend....and her response that she could only go if DH was going because she wasn't comfortable with me taking her.
Honestly, we had an agruement in August and this woman can not let it go. so what I don't like her. so what she doesn't like me. It is SD that we have to care about. We took her on a vacation in October and I even suggested to SD that we pick out a gift for her mommmy. When DH told her I did this she ignore it and thanked him only (in our communications book).
But then when my son had his first birthday do you think she could even send a card over with SD from SD to her brother? No way. But yet she cried in court that we don't send mother's day cards or birthday cards to her. So we did. NO more.
Sorry I am just venting. I try and try and she doesn't want me to have a relationship with her daugther. I can only imagine how awful it would be to drop my kids off at a home where the SM is mean to the child. Come on your the biomom make it work for your daugther. It is like we are always trying harder than she is.
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They don't see it..
We tried to have a conversation with bio-mom about the negative comments that she exposes the kids to and thus they carry with them. Her response? I have nothing to be negative about, my life sucks and I don't share that with the kids. It was said that you don't have to say anything, if this is how you feel then it is the vibe that the kids pick up.. she didn't get it. Until she gets it, the kids will constantly be exposed to Debbie Downer thinking--this not healthy. I dare say that it could be considered emotional abuse.
WOW,, What a bitch..
Sorry so blunt.. My heavens.. She should be thankful that your family has not said well she is not your bio kid and your brother wants her in the wedding.
I was going to ask how old this lady is but you know what its not even about age anymore.. You can be 52 and be as immature as a 16 year old.
I would definately stoop to her level and be as evil as her. Cried in court because she did not get a mothers day or a birthday card to her.. I would have said to her in court first of all I am not your mamma.. FOr today your husbands ex Takes the award of QUEEN BITCH.. Cannot help it.. She is only thinking of herself and not her daughter.. If you were mean and rude or uncaring for her daughter I could see but you are not.. You genuinally care about her and her welfare.
And you are right who cares if you don't like her, as long as you do not bad mouth her in front of her daughter.. It should not matter..
Girl friend.. I say to hell with her and just love that little girl all the more..
You took the words right out of my mouth
That's exactly how I was feeling. She knows I am good to her duagther and I thinK for some insecure reason that just eats her up. I will never be able to understand this type of person. I am not self centered so I am always thinking of how my actions will affect others. We are so damn positive about her mother I make myself sick sometimes but do it because she is SD's mommy.
Funny though it seems as though she always thinks she right and rest of us are so wrong. Even on things like...she posted herself in porvactive poses on a dating site and the next picture beside those are of her and her daugther....she could even justify that in her simple little mind.
you just get so tired of trying. Maybe that is just it...stop looking for her approval or her thanks. Iknow my husband and SD love me so that should be enough
Sometimes it is good to be able to get these thoughts out my head.
Thanks
ps she is 37 going on 18
At least SD got to come to her brother's birthday...
Our daughter's 1st birthday fell at a time that my SD was to be with BM, so we started asking if we could switch weekends 3 months in advance. Yes, THREE MONTHS. Three months of BM making up excuses of why SD couldn't change weekends and us trying to be flexible and her changing her story every time we refuted her argument, just to prevent her daughter from being a part of her baby sister's first birthday. Talk about jealous.
So, SD missed out and we were all devastated. Oh, and it was OUR fault because we "chose" to celebrate her birthday at a time when SD wasn't scheduled to see us. I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I CHOSE when my baby was to be born! Besides, there was no other time to have the party because the weekend before we were moving and the weekend after we had to go out of town for a wedding, so the next time we would even have SD, the baby's almost 13 months old - not exactly a time to commemorate with a party!
All we wanted to do was swap the weekend we had to be out of town for the weekend of the birthday, but she refused to work with us and worse, she proceeded to tell SD that we didn't want her there or we would've scheduled it when we had her with us. Now, even if that were true, which is SO not the case, how could you ever say that to your kid?! That's how insanely jealous she is. She will HURT her own child, just so that she can be the one to comfort her and be her hero.
Luckily, SD came to us and asked why we didn't want her there and we got to the bottom of it. I'm so glad she didn't keep that bottled up inside. We told her that it was beyond our control and that we tried really hard to make arrangements, and SD was actually the one to say that her mom lied to her but that she understands because she knows she's jealous and emotional. The 11-year-old little girl is more mature than her 53-year-old mother!
BM in your case sounds so much like ours, it's uncanny. She didn't cry over it in court, but she did cry to me that we didn't send a Mother's Day card to her and I said that that was SD's job, not ours. Well, you would've thought that I slapped her across the face the way she overreacted, huffing and puffing and sputtering. Then, the next month she gives a Father's Day card that says "To my dear husband, you're always on my mind... and in my heart." WHAT?! Lady, you're not together anymore! He's with me! Has been for 2 years! You split up 4 years ago! MOVE ON! Instead of getting mad about it, we just laughed at how pathetic she is.
Anyway, sorry for the extremely long post. Venting sure helps, doesn't it? BM is going to be how she's going to be and there's not much we can do to change it. All we can do is vent our frustrations here and get some good old fashioned validation for the crap we go through.
It amazes me how jealous and
It amazes me how jealous and insecure these women can be. My son just turned one and we had to deal with the same shit. Luckily it wokred out for us that we could have a party when we had her. they think only of themselves and not of their kids.
We had SD on the day that Halloween fell this year. We had her last year as well, so we suggested to Biomom that she could have her for the whole night and we would switch. She forgets when we do nice things like that.
It makes me mad when my entire network, friends and family, go out their way to always include my SD in their lives and then Biomom is so full of bitterness and hate that she can't see past herself.
I am sorry that you have to endure the same crap. You are right they are going to be the way they are, I just hope the kids come out ok on the other end
Sad!!!
We've learned to celebrate
We've learned to celebrate what we celebrate when and how we normally celebrate it, to invite the kids and let them know we want them, but to not let it ruin our celebration if the ex doesn't let them come. She ruined a lot of family events for us early on, but now we just take these disappointments in stride.
~ Anne ~
When I think of how painful it is for me...
...I realize that I will NEVER have it as bad as SD. I sure hope she'll come out ok! I can't imagine having a mother like that! She's got a LOT of therapy ahead of her, but at least she has us in her life to show her what sanity is.
Like your network of family and friends, everyone in my life has also opened their hearts to SD, which makes BM so angry. I asked her once to find it in her heart to just be happy that there are so many people in her daughter's new extended family to love and support her. She said that they're not her family and never will be.
When my family planned my baby shower last summer, they scheduled it for a time that we had SD, sent her an invitation in the mail and BM never showed it to her, made plans to go camping on OUR time, told SD about the exciting camping trip and made her write a letter to us saying that she's sorry for having to choose, but that she wanted to go camping with mommy that weekend so she wouldn't lose her deposit. Hmm, that sounds like something a 10 year old would write, doesn't it?
So it doesn't matter if it's "our" time or "her" time, BM is going to do everything in her power to exclude SD from our family events because "they're not her family and never will be." She even calls SD's baby sister her STEPsister, even though they have the same dad. It seems to me that BM thinks that SD is just an extension of her and if BM doesn't have a relationship with someone, then SD shouldn't either because she can't handle the idea of her child having a life outside of her.
So sad!!
Hey, by the way, how old is your SD? Do she and her little brother have a good relationship? My SD and daughter are so darn cute together. They have a really great bond, despite BM's constant attempts to destroy it. They are such a joy, even when SD goes around introducing her as her stepsister because that's what her mom tells her. At least everyone can plainly see the family resemblance.
We are lucky because SD and
We are lucky because SD and her brother love each other very much. No one refers to him as step so we are lucky there. We even put him in the same daycare/school as his sister (she is in Sk..5 1/2 years )so that they can be together...downfall..have to see the ex and her mother ...yuck!!!! But we did it beacuse they will never get another chance to be in the school together...biomom lives in a differnt school district.
I am sure Biomom is threaten with their relationship. It only bonds her more with our family. It doesn't have to be like this. She could accept that she is loved. She had an affair and decided to end the relationship when SD was 11/2 years old so as far as I am concern we have to be accountable for our actions and this is her consequence.
Good idea, but not foolproof
Unfortunately, BM's track record is to change the schedule at her whim, sometimes just hours before we're supposed to pick up SD. So our plans are often destroyed, whether or not she knows about them. It's a control game of hers.