Stupid BM - childcare drama 2.0 rant
So the saga continues
Background:
Hubs has ss12 with BM1.
They have never been married and broke up before ss12 was born
Before me was another girlfriend that was with him for 8 ys= BM2 and SS6
We are married and have no biokids
She has custody he pays CS(and back Cs) by auto withraw from pay(I agree and want him to pay)
The visitation is"as agreed among parties"
BM1 has done before i was in picture:
Been a drunk
Neglectful to Ss12(then 7)- no dinners, missing school, burned himself trying to feed lil bro, dirty clothes, no baths
Jobless on and off
Disgusting house
Abusive boyfriend who beat ss12(to her credit she kicked him out)
During all of these things hubs was knocked out with a back injury(see above he oays back xhild support)
Since me:
Alcoholic
Calls hubs to buy her booze
Jobless once
Ss12 sent over in dorty small clothes
Ss12 does not know the months of the year, how to eat with a fork and knife or that he needs to brush his teeth in the morning etc.
Ss12 doing poorly in school and being bullied for which she does nothing
The drama:
She has him in boyscouts and they have some activities which fall on our weekends sometimes(hubs agrees he should be in boyscouts)
For the past three months she jas been late on drop off 3 times
Yelled at my husband when he couldn't make the weekly boyscout meeting( we share a car and sometimes my schedule does not allow for him to go- she knows this)
She tells hubs about important school meetings late the night before or not at all then complains he does not attend
She has changed the agreement to every other weekend bc apparently she needs to have fun with him
Now she scjeduled him for a trip with the boyscouts during hubs time
Hubs initially said yes but then saw that it is 2.5 hours away and said no bc i have to be at work earlier than that.
She texts him back that she thinks the activities should trump time with the parents and that she wants a court mediator bc she is tired of me coming in between her him and their child
(Say what B you haven't been with him for 12 YEARS)
To which huns replies that he will be picking up his son at her house and ss12 will be spending time with us and ss6 this weekend and he will not be going on the trip bc he decides what hapens durimg his family time)
She replies that this will be his last weekend.
Okay phew
What do you guys think?
simply that this woman is
simply that this woman is crazy.... ignore her
get all the facts and proof and fight for custody of this skid... I do not like skids in any way or form but heck this kid has been through enough in his life, with therpay he can be a functioning adult one day
Agreed...ss12 is an awesome
Agreed...ss12 is an awesome child..kind, loves animals, willing to learn etc.he would flourish if being parented priperly.
I am happy hubs finally put foot down(been going on 5 mos now with her cray)
He will be asking for a modification of visitation bc she threatened no more visits.
I feel very sorry for SS12.
I feel very sorry for SS12. No child should have to grow up this way. He is of comparative age to my own son and what you write breaks my heart.
The issue of visitation and schedules is a moot point because it is "as agreed among parties". This is fluffy meaningless nonsense. It would be advisable that your husband has this changed to more definite and structured language which clearly sets out how visitation is to work. Especially because BM1 seems to think she calls the shots. Otherwise you are open to be messed around because your husband has no real dedicated visitation time which can be enforced. Visitation is also a seperate issue to anything else, so your husband should go to your local district court and apply for modification - this can be done without lawyers needing to be involved in most instances.
I am not sure by what you mean by "you agree" that you want DH to pay child support and back pay support? It is between DH, the mothers of his children and the court. Your husband is legally obligated to make these payments - no matter what you think. I am glad that you DO support your husband in meeting these commitments because so many other women complain about the payments made as child support. I can agree that you have every right to be ticked off that BM1 seems to misusing money intended for SS12. This would make me angry too, given the circumstances you describe.
From your post, thank you for caring for this child. Thank you for supporting your husband. I hope things get better for you all. A court mediator may be a good idea in that your DH should be asking for more structure in the custody agreement.
Yes hubs is asking for more
Yes hubs is asking for more time and court appointed structured time(which he has never had bc of wording).
All of thiese convos were done via text(by my urging bc hubs is a dumbass - a bit frustrated with him waiting 5 mos). So there is proof.
I wrote that I agree with cs bc there is a dif in btw paying cs and paying a sitter.(my other post...)
I agree that SS12 deserves much better than this and am very happy that hubs finally decided to act.
Yes hubs is asking for more
Yes hubs is asking for more time and court appointed structured time(which he has never had bc of wording).
All of thiese convos were done via text(by my urging bc hubs is a dumbass - a bit frustrated with him waiting 5 mos). So there is proof.
I wrote that I agree with cs bc there is a dif in btw paying cs and paying a sitter.(my other post...)
I agree that SS12 deserves much better than this and am very happy that hubs finally decided to act.
poor child, poor poor
poor child, poor poor child>
1. HUSBAND must call the school and be proactive with all thing related school. NEVER ever depend on an ex like this for anything. This is an easy fix. Call the school Monday and get teachers email. Send a note, offer UP your email to notify of concerns about ss12, also, offer our husbands cell to teacher any time to discuss.
ALSO "I would like to schedule a parent teacher meeting at your earliest convince either in person OR by phone"
Moving forward tell teacher HE needs separate conferences, again at HER convince.
OP this way dad is independent of BM for all things school related.
About boy scouts. It is UNREASONABLE for her to insist dad attend meetings. He doesn't have to. Nor is it illegal or immoral for him not to go.
Activities DO NOT TRUMP visitation.
Independent family unit time is very important in post divorce. Visitation is bonding time. MOMS home and dynamic is just as important as DADS family dynamic.
No parent can dictate what the other parent does during their time. PEROID. A Judge can...but not bm.
IF dad does not know the scouts schedule it would be nice for him to show UP during the next event...not meeting, but event. CALL the leader.
STICK to the court order, DO not ask for changes and do not give any changes.
So sorry,,,many of us have been in your shoes.
Update: There is NO
Update:
There is NO visitation agreement from the court. Hubs just thought it was bundked with child support and custodial agreement(he didnt know he had to file separately for the visitation tsk tsk 12 years unawares...do I believe that? Hmmm)
Monday hubs took off work and hw is filing for visitation
Monday we are also going to the school to set up all the school things(feeling very smug right now)
We are pretty excited.
DH needs to get to court to
DH needs to get to court to nail down a CO'd visitation schedule rather than this "as agreed among parties" bullshit. BM has proven herself to be a manipulative toxic POS.
DH needs to own her ass in court and then keep a copy of a new visitation SO rolled up and ready to beat the snot out of BM (figuratively of course) with any time she so much as twitches out of line.
Zero tolerance.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Yes we filed for visitation
Yes we filed for visitation on monday. He had already established paternity on birth cert. Should take about three weeks then a mediation appointment.
I have been telling DH about her since she started her bs(she's a golden uterused pregger now- imagine the hormones)
I cannot wait for all of this to be set in stone...eat that BM1!
Yup Zero tolerance!