I know it's been discussed, but need suggestions about constantly sick SK and visitation
I've seen a lot of posts before about issues whether or not to have a sick SK come for visitation. Here's my current dilemma and I'm not sure what to do. SS12 is CONSTANTLY sick. Every visitation starting Sept. he's been sick and has come for visitation. This has caused havoc on everyone here. At least one of us has gotten sick after every single visit. My ExBFD, who lives with me now, is starting college in 2 weeks and she really can't keep getting sick and possibly missing school. She has gotten sick twice now from 2 different visits. SS6 has also gotten sick 3 times now after visitations either with SS12 coming here or SS6 going to BM's house where SS12 lives. Currently I'm pretty sick from this last weekend's visit and I have a major project due at work. SS12 has missed over a week of school cumulative since Sept just from being sick. I'm not sure what to do. This is my 2nd time being sick commencing a visitation.
One reason this keeps happening is because no matter what we do to separate him or to keep him from infecting us all, he just has absolutely no manners. He won't blow his nose unless you bug him, he sneezes on his hands then wipes it on the couch or floor or whatever is near and constantly wipes his running nose with either his hands then wipes it on his clothes or floor or whatever or actually blows his nose with the bottom hem of his shirt!!! We were watching the football game Sunday upstairs in my bedroom because ExBFD was watching a movie downstairs with SS6 and SS12 picked his nose and SMEARED IT ON MY SHEETS!! He also eats his boogers when he doesn't wipe them on something...it grosses me out to no end. He's freaking 12, he should have SOME sense of what is acceptable and what's not. I truly wonder what, if any, manners BM teaches SS12. He never washes his hands, doesn't cover his mouth when he coughs, will cough right in your face and just smears any fluids from himself wherever is convenient.
I want to tell FH that if SS12 is sick he can't come over because none of us can afford to be sick anymore, but if we do that then he would never get to see him because this kid is ALWAYS sick. Any ideas? I know it's about keeping on him when he's here so he doesn't do these habits, but something is wrong with this kid. 2 seconds after telling him to not wipe his snot on the floor or the couch or whatever he will absently minded do it again. Seriously, he can't remember it for longer than a few seconds. It's maddening.
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Well I would not have him
Well I would not have him come over. I think if he needs to come over them BM needs to take him to doctor and have him on antiobiotics for the 24 housrs so he cant infect anyone. I had to lay that law down with my DH baby mama. She bitched at first but now its fine.not covering mouth and the gross stuff the kid does i would make him clean it up and put him in timeout if he is doing nasty stuff. You gotta have them lean it up themselves or they dont care
i would set him in a corner
i would set him in a corner and stick his nose in it until he finally gets that he is not supposed to do that. no tv, no playing, no nothing! until he gets how he is supposed to act at you house.
if ss was ALWAYS sick, i would tell dh to have ss stay at bm house, i dont thinks its unreasonable....maybe skids will get the freakin hint and start being more careful.... does fh get sick? does he not understand what you are going through? does he not think ss is disgusting?
there for a while ss was coming over always sick, and i would get it...bm allowed ss to play outside till late at night while her and her bf got drunk in the garage and played pool. dh told her that he was documenting all the times he came back sick from her because it looked like neglect, she started keeping a better eye on him and he stopped getting sick...oh and they went to an allergist because bm always said ss had allergies and wasnt sick...but that was cleared up by the allergist when he said ss had no allergies.
Ohmigod girl, sounds like
Ohmigod girl, sounds like you need to walk behind him with Lysol!!! That's just plain nasty and dirty. Maybe you and FH should have him seriously checked, maybe his immune system is somehow compromised. I found the problem is, the BM doing absolutely NOTHING to help any situation(s). So maybe she has something to do with his poor manners. It sucks but when the SD or SS come over, you have to retrain them all over again. You are a product of your environment, remember that!
Eww that's just plain nasty.
Eww that's just plain nasty. Someone needs to hose that skid down with anti-bacterial spray before he walks into the door. A shower and a benedral would suffice. Him being a prisoner in his room wouldn't hurt either. Treat him like a sick kid should be treated.
DH and I are the complete opposite. We figure all our kids bring home colds and such just as much as the other. Personally, I would be royally pissed if DH suggested my kids go over to there dad's if they were sick. No one can take better care of my young-ens.
I get concerned if the child is so miserable that to shuffle them to another household would be cruel. To this day, knock on wood, have never had the kids so sick that they couldn't go to their dad's. Besides, he brought them into this world as well.
However, there's small print to this claim like super crazy infectious diseases like H1n1. I would suggest that DH keep his daughter at her mom's until my kids were better. If she insists on exposing her kid we'll take it from there. DH would do the same visa versa. I would go as far as taking my biochild to their dad's and take care of them there but DH wouldn't like that one bit.
Thanks for the replies and
Thanks for the replies and reassurance that I wasn't being unreasonable to ask that a sick skid stays away until he's better. Yes it's completely nasty and I'm sooo sick and tired of getting sick! I told FH about SS12 not coming when he's sick and he actually agreed! I was very surprised that he agreed. He also agreed to "have a talk" with BM about why SS12 is always sick and that she needs to teach him better routines so he doesn't keep catching stuff. We'll have to see how that part pans out. Thanks again all!